How Catholic School Destroyed Our Faith

[Philomeena]

Horrible treatment, I agree. But with all charity: what part of the Catholic faith do you find not to be true based on the actions of this school’s financial department and the priest in question? The Church is full of sinners, and sin has bad consequences, typically for others besides the person committing the sin. But another Catholic’s sin does not make one part of the faith not true.

This is a very wise post to reflect upon. It fits for many situations that we find ourselves in as members of the body of Christ. I for one, when challenged am going to ask myself this question from now on:

“What part of the Catholic faith do you find not to be true based on (insert issue here)?”

Thank you, Tafan for getting to the heart of not just this but so many matters that we let threaten how and whom we worship.

 

[Tale]

gardenswithkids said:

““The greed of Catholic schools” --that quote stands out to me. It is seriously expensive to educate students at schools. Public schools depend on the generosity of tax payers, but they typically spend far more per student than Catholic schools. It is not greedy when private schools ask parents to cover the actual cost of educating high school students.”

Exactly. 1) Parishes have traditionally subsidized the school–Catholic high schools do not have that source of funding. 2) It’s much more expensive to run a high school than an elementary school.

I was just looking it up, and public schools in NJ spent $18k per year per student in 2011-2012.

northjersey.com/news/new-jersey-spent-18-047-per-pupil-in-public-schools-last-year-1.629831

Presumably, it costs NJ more than $18k per high school student–$18k is just the average and covers everybody from kindergartners to high school students taking calculus, AP physics, AP chemistry, and all kinds of expensive to teach college prep subjects.

Not sure where you are located but the cost for public education in my town in NJ is 12k. We sent our four children to catholic school thus sparing the public school 48k plus we paid our taxes. A yearly 4K (the educational split) gift to the public school every year.

Currently the catholic high school here is 15k. The books were not borrowed from the public school and cost around $500. Plus an additional $1000. or so in other fees. Uniforms etc. This year I hear they are requiring students to purchase a 32g Ipad and are charging to have textbooks put on them. So that would be roughly 17k plus taxes = 21k per child these poor people would have to pay if they wanted to send their child to catholic school. God forbid multiple children.

In the bordering county in NY catholic high school tuition is 7k. There is no doubt the school in this county charges an incredibly high tuition because it simply can. Would love to know why the church does not regulate tuition so that it is more welcoming to those who are not wealthy. I am thankful we were out before it all hit the fan.

 

[robwar]

Op,
I am sorry about what happen at the high school. I’ve been around Catholic schools a long time now and from the one’s we have used and knowledge of others, I have never heard a priest or principal harass families that need financial aid to attend. Even though you are hurting, you should return to attendance for your children still at home. One’s doesn’t send them to a Catholic school to get religion because religion starts in the home and if you are not attending, they are not going to get it at the high school level but pick up your attitudes and hurt. Since you feel you have been harassed about the aid, have you thought about going higher and complaining to the superintendent of Catholic schools about your treatment in receiving financial assistance. If you have email etc, that would be more helpful. Likewise, one could try the bishop. We shouldn’t let idiots control our own faith and every religion has idiots.

 

[mommamaree]

I am so sorry for what your family has been put through. We also discovered these same problems of greed and shunning and lack of Catholic identity in our parish school. It is one of the two main reasons we decided to homeschool. I do hope that the wounds you sustained from the school and its staff will heal and that you will rediscover your faith, and I hope that for your children as well.

 

[InflatusMaximus]

Not sure where you are located but the cost for public education in my town in NJ is 12k. We sent our four children to catholic school thus sparing the public school 48k plus we paid our taxes. A yearly 4K (the educational split) gift to the public school every year.

Currently the catholic high school here is 15k. The books were not borrowed from the public school and cost around $500. Plus an additional $1000. or so in other fees. Uniforms etc. This year I hear they are requiring students to purchase a 32g Ipad and are charging to have textbooks put on them. So that would be roughly 17k plus taxes = 21k per child these poor people would have to pay if they wanted to send their child to catholic school. God forbid multiple children.

In the bordering county in NY catholic high school tuition is 7k. There is no doubt the school in this county charges an incredibly high tuition because it simply can. Would love to know why the church does not regulate tuition so that it is more welcoming to those who are not wealthy. I am thankful we were out before it all hit the fan.

It is a private school therefore costs are passed to the consumer.

You state above that they charge these people “just because they can.”

There might be some truth to that but there are things happening behind the scenes that suggest something else entirely.

What I would encourage you to do is pray for a dramatic increase in religious life of the brothers and sisters because that is where you will see a tuition decrease. We essentially have little to minute amounts of religious in Catholic Education these days and this is directly attributed to the vocation crisis. We as Catholics seem to focus a lot of our attention on praying for more parish priests but forget what was essentially the backbone of all Catholic Education in this country the brothers and sisters.

The lay salaries of today are what drive up tuition costs. For example at our high school in town we have a sister as acting principal. It is a school of about 1000 students. She runs it and does a wonderful job but takes a base salary of $10,000 which goes to the order in which she is vowed to. In contrast you have the principal at the school I work at who is a lay person and makes well over $70,000 easy to run a school of under 300 students. She is an awesome principal highly qualified and everything but there is a ginormous discrepancy in salaries.

 

[kozlosap]

Two words for people reading this: home school

This is a horrible story. Very horrible. I really don’t know what to say. Catholic schools have to have money to run them, however, they should be sensitive with families, honor their word on payment schedules. At some point I can honestly see why you would throw your hands up. But I want to remind you that the faith is not the people working at the school or even the school, the faith is what YOU teach your children. That’s the reason that I highly suggest homeschooling. I personally think homeschooling is the new catholic school tradition

Edit to add: my children attended our parish school for a short time, I can relate somewhat.

I think that homeschooling is a wonderful option for some families, but for those of us who have 2 parents working full time, that isn’t an option!

I am a professional educator who taught public high school for 33 years. I have 3 credentials and a MA. my dear daughter attended Catholic school from K-12 then undergrad at a well known Jesuit university and law school at a public university. I can certainly see homeschooling up through 8th grade, but what happens when high school begins and you have to have expertise in 6 different areas. Are most parents who homeschool high-school really qualified to reach AP physics, AP English, AP calculus, etc…? I certainly am not. If you are taking your homeschooled high school student to the local community college to participate in the high end courses, are you really homeschooling? I have used the credit recovery programs with kids who were short on credits their senior year. For kids that were visual learners, the online classes were fine, but for those who are auditory or tactile learners, there was a real deficit. Im just curious about how parents deal with those issues.

In our city, the boys and girls Catholic prep schools now cost about $14,000.00 a year. The co-ed Catholic high school is about $10K. We are very lucky that the Jesuits have started Christo Rey High School in an area that is considered very poor. The students attend school four days a week and work in an internship type job one day a week. Tuition is on a sliding scale. It’s an awesome program and I hope to volunteer there next semester. I’m very lucky to attend our only Jesuit parish!

 

[Xantippe]

Tale said:

“In the bordering county in NY catholic high school tuition is 7k. There is no doubt the school in this county charges an incredibly high tuition because it simply can. Would love to know why the church does not regulate tuition so that it is more welcoming to those who are not wealthy. I am thankful we were out before it all hit the fan.”

7k in NY has to reflect a substantial subsidy of some kind, unless it’s a very low cost of living part of NY.

$7k per year is approximately how much our kid’s private school in TX charges for high school. This is a very low cost of living area and the staff salaries have been extremely modest compared to public school. I’m told that when the organizers were getting the school off the ground, the administrators would take a pay cut whenever they needed to make the finances work. (It was initially started as a free co-op.)

 

[tafan]

This is a very wise post to reflect upon. It fits for many situations that we find ourselves in as members of the body of Christ. I for one, when challenged am going to ask myself this question from now on:

“What part of the Catholic faith do you find not to be true based on (insert issue here)?”

Thank you, Tafan for getting to the heart of not just this but so many matters that we let threaten how and whom we worship.

Your welcome.

 

[LongingSoul]

We no longer attend church. Faith has been destroyed. Anxious to be done with tuition. Sadly our children won’t be carrying on the tradition.

Thank you for allowing me to vent. I am writing a book “I Did Not Survive Catholic Scool” (the downfall of traditional Catholic Schools in NJ).

In some measure I do understand how children who were sexually molested by Priests lose their faith and abandoned the Church, but I don’t understand why someone who has a bad experience with a Catholic agency would do so. Most Catholic schools are run by the laity under the umbrella of the Catholic Education Department. They have to be businesses to survive.

I think it’s not only sad for your family that you have abandoned your faith but that you are taking revenge on the Church in such a way as writing a damning book which will contribute to the general anti-Catholic sentiment that exists in the world.

The religious Sister who began the Catholic school system in Australia, Mother Mary McKillop, came up against the diocesan Priests and Bishops in her quest to get the schools started. (They didn’t like a woman having power in the Church). She was at one point of this drama excommunicated by Rome for her efforts. Although it nearly killed her to be barred from Holy communion, at no point did she lose her faith. She was vindicated of course and went on to become a true beacon of holiness and Australias first saint.

You have to try and see a big picture at times like these. Is the whole Catholic Church really defined by one financial department, in one school, in one town, in one State, in one country on the planet? Will the Catholic Church be served by putting a book of that nature out into the world. Perhaps you could write out your grievances and send it to the financial department of the highschool and then just get on with living.

God bless.

 

[jjtc]

We continue to send our younger children so that they may continue to practice their faith on a “daily” basis.** I also continue to bring them to their CCD obligations. **My husband who was a faithful church goer has halted his participation. As I stated, I was raised Catholic by an Atheist and non-practicing Catholic. My father passed away recently and there is not one person who can dare challenge me when I say that there is no way such a sweet, kind, moral man went to hell for not being Catholic.

Our children are beautiful. They are all moral, polite and well rounded because our values at home are instilled in their schools as opposed to the local public school where drugs and other things run rampant… Our older children are both EMT volunteers and can attest to this…and until the events that transpired with the school our youngest son had interests in becoming a priest. I try to encourage him but he too was profoundly effected by being thrown out of school by a priest because of his parents financial issues.

We feel obligated to keep our youngest children in these schools. It’s like having to pick and choose which one is worthy of sacrafice. This is not to say we aren’t disgusted by these schools that are financially run more like upscale private schools.

I never said my children would not carry on their “faith”… I said the “tradition” our family had started generations ago. I and my husband went to Catholic school, as did my mother and his parents, as did our grandparents. I am truly destroyed by this. Heart and soul.

Since when do children in Catholic schools have to go to CCD? I thought one of the points of choosing a Catholic school was so that they were provided religious education.

Also, the Catholic Church does not teach that only Catholics can go to Heaven…

God Bless.

 

[gardenswithkids]

Since when do children in Catholic schools have to go to CCD? I thought one of the points of choosing a Catholic school was so that they were provided religious education…

I don’t know about New Jersey, but some priests and bishops require CCD for Confirmation even for those who attend a private Catholic school.

 

[jjtc]

I don’t know about New Jersey, but some priests and bishops require CCD for Confirmation even for those who attend a private Catholic school.

Interesting, never heard of that. I live in NJ and our particular Diocese doesn’t have that mandate as my children all received their sacraments through the school without additional CCD. Thanks for the info.

 

[Sea_Green]

I hope that you do not allow your bad experience with your children’s school to discourage you and your family in your faith.

The members of the church are imperfect people who sin and may hurt others, and it is for this very reason that Jesus came into the world. Do not allow this bad experience to disillusion you and your family, and rob you of the joy of practicing your faith. These few people do not represent the whole Catholic church and while at times they may discourage us from attending church, our real reason for going is to seek the Lord who is above their imperfections. I hope that you will continue to practice your faith, and just pray for these people.

I guess it is very timely that Pope Francis is a Pope for the poor. I hope his message gets across all believers and non-believers alike so we will see better treatment for those with financial constraints, more charitable acts and less of these unfortunate incidences happening.

 

[Joshua_Shorter]

Another of the reasons I love living in the Diocese of Wichita. I know we couldn’t afford to send our kids (eventually) to private schools at that price.

Please prayerfully consider the consequences of your decisions before leaving the Church.

 

[Demetra2]

I hope that you allow yourselves to forgive and come back to the Catholic Church. The Church is made up of imperfect people and they are everywhere including some Catholic schools and even in your home and mine. With that said, it is never wise to purchase what you cannot afford. If public school is not an option I would advise you to consider homeschooling through an accredited national high school and also take advantage of courses at your local community college. My own daughter did this after leaving a Catholic high school and she went on to receive many college scholarships. We had no financial hardship with this choice.
Please don’t hold on to any bitterness. It doesn’t matter what those people did or said. Your soul is your responsibility and you need to go to confession and come back during this season of Lent. You made some poor financial decisions but now is the time to come back to Jesus.

 

[MrsLLD]

I dont have a lot of time right now but wanted to say I can relate to th OPs story. As a 6th grader i was called to the Principal’s office at the end of the day along with my 4th grade sister. We were told to pack all of our things and to tell our Mother that we were not to return on Monday. So trying not to cry we packed ALL of our things, books, notebooks and rode the bus home packed like it was the last day of school. Embarrassed to say anything to friends and teachers and I remember clearly lying to a friend who asked why I was bringing so much stuff home. All this is to say that I KNOW this happens. All these years later I am still sad about that experience. How did it work out? My wonderful Mother took us to school on Monday and sent us to our classrooms she then had a conversation with the principal and then the Pastor of the Church. It never happened again. I think to this day they might still be afraid of her.

 

[Sunbreak]

I don’t know but there seem to be missing pieces in this story. It states problems as beginning with oldest child starting high school but later in letter says this child is in college and the next oldest will be starting college this fall. So - 4 years have gone by before this sudden “losing of faith”?
If priest actually pulled children out of school for no good reason, that is not acceptable behavior. If they were asked to leave because of non-payment, that’s another issue.
Private education is not a right and Catholic school education is not free. The teachers, supplies and utilities all have to be paid. All anyone can do is request financial assistance from the school or the parish, but that’s it. I don’t know of any Catholic school around my areas that would give 100% scholarships.
Maybe things work differently in NJ than where I am, but the schools here handle their own financial decisions - it’s not done at the archdiocesan level.
It’s unclear why accounts would be drained unless some sort of automatic withdrawal was authorized.
If the actions of a school wrecked someone’s faith, there wasn’t much faith to begin with. Faith is in God, not a school.

 

[LongingSoul]

I dont have a lot of time right now but wanted to say I can relate to th OPs story. As a 6th grader i was called to the Principal’s office at the end of the day along with my 4th grade sister. We were told to pack all of our things and to tell our Mother that we were not to return on Monday. So trying not to cry we packed ALL of our things, books, notebooks and rode the bus home packed like it was the last day of school. Embarrassed to say anything to friends and teachers and I remember clearly lying to a friend who asked why I was bringing so much stuff home. All this is to say that I KNOW this happens. All these years later I am still sad about that experience. How did it work out? My wonderful Mother took us to school on Monday and sent us to our classrooms she then had a conversation with the principal and then the Pastor of the Church. It never happened again. I think to this day they might still be afraid of her.

Wow! I love your mother. She is superwoman!

 

[Gwendolen]

OP, I genuinely feel bad for the way you were treated. I really do. I am having trouble following your story in how being treated very poorly by a school resulted in you losing your faith. I am not trying to be mean, I really don’t understand the connection.

A few years ago, I sent my son to an Orthodox school. About half way through the year, it became very bizarre. My son’s teacher was suddenly a priest. To my knowledge, he had not been to seminary. Shortly after this happened, his behavior became weirder, and more inappropriate, and my son came home with some things that were not consistent with the upbringing of Christian children and made my skin crawl. Some of these were confirmed later. Others could not have been made up by a young child. I ended up yanking him before the year was out.

I did not lose my faith in God, I lost my faith in that school. The fall of man, the love of power, mental illness were the cause of what happened. There is so much fallen in this world, people starving everywhere, wars, abuse, etc, I would not surrender my faith over the failure of one institution. The church is not perfect. You had one school that showed the love of Christ, can you not focus on that as an example of the Church doing God’s work? Just as the “cold” school turned you away from faith, why does not the “warm” school turn you towards it?

A school that is not truly focused on God will not demonstrate His love, even if it calls itself Catholic. Man has fallen, God is sovereign.

 

[MomaMary8]

We continue to send our younger children so that they may continue to practice their faith on a “daily” basis. I also continue to bring them to their CCD obligations. My husband who was a faithful church goer has halted his participation. As I stated, **I was raised Catholic by an Atheist and non-practicing Catholic. My father passed away recently and there is not one person who can dare challenge me when I say that there is no way such a sweet, kind, moral man went to hell for not being Catholic.
**

Something tells me the bold section above has more to do with your crisis in faith than a school to which you freely choose to send your kids.

How is your parish priest? Would you be comfortable talking to him? Money is a poor reason to toss your faith away. I’m not saying the school acting in the best way, but you have a choice as to how you will react to their behavior.