K
KayDeeNici
Guest
I honestly don’t know. I have tried writing/calling both of them. Apparently my sister has moved, and my brother never wrote back.
- Status
K
kage_ar
Guest
Wow - when I say I’m not close to two of my sibs, I mean that we don’t talk on the phone every couple of days. I cannot fathom one of my siblings moving and me now knowing about it. We all see each other at least 3 times per year - and mom keeps everyone in touch.
A
aurora77
Guest
We’re pretty close. I have 2 younger brothers, they’re 6 and 8 years younger than me. We weren’t so close growing up because of the age difference, but now that we’re grown up, we’re much closer. We’re not on the phone every day, but we talk fairly often and try to get together as much as we can.
I think that part of encouraging family closeness is to just be together as a family; to show love for one another and really show that the best place to be on a Friday night is with the family, not out partying (not that’s all bad, mind you
). My youngest brother still lives at home (he’s 21) and his girlfriend and friends will come over on the weekends and hang out at my parents house. We’re all very close as a family and I feel so blessed that that’s the case.
I think that part of encouraging family closeness is to just be together as a family; to show love for one another and really show that the best place to be on a Friday night is with the family, not out partying (not that’s all bad, mind you
). My youngest brother still lives at home (he’s 21) and his girlfriend and friends will come over on the weekends and hang out at my parents house. We’re all very close as a family and I feel so blessed that that’s the case.
C
catsrus
Guest
Not close at all.
I’m the oldest of 3.
Our parents always played us off against each other, clear up until they died.
They could never like all of us at once. There was always a “favorite” - which shifted constantly.
I loved my parents, but the way they did this to us was just wrong.
I’m the oldest of 3.
Our parents always played us off against each other, clear up until they died.
They could never like all of us at once. There was always a “favorite” - which shifted constantly.
I loved my parents, but the way they did this to us was just wrong.
C
Catherine_W
Guest
I just have one sibling, my brother. He is three years younger than me and we are sooo close!! We always have been close, we rarely fight, and we talk about everything. I think we are close for many reasons…
When I was little my mom would always point out how special it is to be brother and sister and how there is no one in the world more similar to me than my brother… and so on. Since I was little I couldn’t wait for my brother to be born and I loved him from the 1st minute I saw him. Sometimes we would fight or make fun of each other, but one day when I was about in 2nd grade I decided that I was the older sibling so it was my job to “set the tone” for our relationship. When we would start getting in a fight I would try to do something that would make my brother happy or laugh or something. And eventually we just would see each other as fun to be around and we just always enjoyed each others company. Also my parents fought alot with each other and my brother and I would be each others “safety net”… like when things were sad we would support each other and try to take care of each other. I really feel like we are the people we are because of each other, and that we took a big roll in the raising of each other.
Even though he is 3 years younger than me I have always seen him as my equal… sometimes I forget he’s younger, I get shocked when I see other kids in his grade and I’ll think these kids are young… Wow their my brothers age. We have always been each others best friend and confide in each other and support each other in learning more about God. My parents didn’t really do this for us, so we had to encourage each other.
I think a lot of the responsibility falls on the oldest sibling to set the tone for the relationship. I think if they realize that they are older and they can guide the situation from fighting to getting along then the younger sibling will fallow. If they start this from when they are little, they will begin too see each other as their best friend so when they get older their friendship will only grow. I think part of why my brother and I are so close is because our parents didn’t give us everything we needed (like lots of direction in learning more about our faith) and because they argued so much that we each needed someone to be our comforter. So I wouldn’t recommend this part to a parent… but somehow it worked out nicely for my brother and I’s relationship.
So Recap for parents:
When I was little my mom would always point out how special it is to be brother and sister and how there is no one in the world more similar to me than my brother… and so on. Since I was little I couldn’t wait for my brother to be born and I loved him from the 1st minute I saw him. Sometimes we would fight or make fun of each other, but one day when I was about in 2nd grade I decided that I was the older sibling so it was my job to “set the tone” for our relationship. When we would start getting in a fight I would try to do something that would make my brother happy or laugh or something. And eventually we just would see each other as fun to be around and we just always enjoyed each others company. Also my parents fought alot with each other and my brother and I would be each others “safety net”… like when things were sad we would support each other and try to take care of each other. I really feel like we are the people we are because of each other, and that we took a big roll in the raising of each other.
Even though he is 3 years younger than me I have always seen him as my equal… sometimes I forget he’s younger, I get shocked when I see other kids in his grade and I’ll think these kids are young… Wow their my brothers age. We have always been each others best friend and confide in each other and support each other in learning more about God. My parents didn’t really do this for us, so we had to encourage each other.
I think a lot of the responsibility falls on the oldest sibling to set the tone for the relationship. I think if they realize that they are older and they can guide the situation from fighting to getting along then the younger sibling will fallow. If they start this from when they are little, they will begin too see each other as their best friend so when they get older their friendship will only grow. I think part of why my brother and I are so close is because our parents didn’t give us everything we needed (like lots of direction in learning more about our faith) and because they argued so much that we each needed someone to be our comforter. So I wouldn’t recommend this part to a parent… but somehow it worked out nicely for my brother and I’s relationship.
So Recap for parents:
- tell them how special it is to have a sibling, and how close they are to each other so they understand
- tell the oldest of their special roll and how they can guide the atmosphere with their siblings
- I think being 3 years apart was really nice
- make sure they see each others as equals and always respect each other
- encourage them to share in their understanding of God and the teachings of the Church together
A
aurora77
Guest
That’s so sad. My mom’s family was/is that way–she’s the oldest of 8 and her parents are terrible about picking favorites. It really messed up their family–she only talks much to a couple of her sisters. My uncle lives about 45 minutes from all of us and we haven’t seen him or his family in 20 years. My sister in law went to high school with one of his daughters and knows our cousin better than we do!
I’m really greatful, though, my mom went through all of that, and decided she wouldn’t do that. We all knew we were loved, we all had special time with mom and dad. That might be something else in bringing siblings closer together–show them that they don’t have to compete against each other, they are all loved for being them.
A
aimee
Guest
Were you the fav sometimes? this is sad…
I have 3 brothers and 2 sisters and grew up with none of them…I ached to have known them as a child but now we are friendly but not really close…too much past:crying:
P
Pacbox
Guest
I’m the oldest of four girls.
S is seventeen months younger than me and is my mother’s favorite. I haven’t talked to or seen S in 6 years.
K is three years younger than me and is also my mother’s favorite. I haven’t talked to or seen K in 4 years.
G is seven years and seven months younger than me and again my mother’s favorite. I haven’t talked to or seen G in 4 years.
And I was nobody’s favorite. I’m actually the black sheep of the family because I went off to university, studied hard, got a degree, now working on another degree, and plan to have a career. My mother believes the only thing women can do is find a man and get married. Working is only to find a man and the you have to quit after you get married because women are too stupid to work. And they are supposed to organize their lives around their husband and their mother. Happiness is not required. Let’s just say I don’t agree with my mother.
Mostly because I live in another state but they don’t want to connect with me and neither I with them.
Growing up, my mother cycled between abuse and neglect towards me. She loved to set me up to fail and pitted me against my sisters in everything. Plus, when my sisters did anything wrong they weren’t punished. I was. My mother also liked to punish me for things I never did or she imagined or if she felt like it. I got the impression that I was not what my mother wanted but she couldn’t get rid of me (though she tried) and was stuck with me. Plus, I was also told repeatedly that I was going to hell and that I was a disappointment and I could do nothing right.
Now we ate dinner together every night. Birthdays, everyone but mine, was a big deal and a party. I had to remind my parents about my own birthday. Few vacations and only if my mother wanted to go somewhere or my dad was attending some conference somewhere. Didn’t pray at all. Always went to mass, considering my mother loved to say that if I didn’t go to Mass I was going to hell. We went to my mother’s parents for almost all holidays or one of her brothers. My dad’s family lived out of state so we only met them twice.
Honestly, I can deal with my family now much better than I used to. They just have to live several thousand miles away and have minimal contact with me. Well, I can be civil and they don’t anger me as much. I love my family, from a distance. I would do anything for them but I know they would do nothing for me.
My advice, love your kids for who they are and don’t point out any differences as a negative thing but as positive things that help out siblings who don’t have those abilities/skills/talents/whatever.
S is seventeen months younger than me and is my mother’s favorite. I haven’t talked to or seen S in 6 years.
K is three years younger than me and is also my mother’s favorite. I haven’t talked to or seen K in 4 years.
G is seven years and seven months younger than me and again my mother’s favorite. I haven’t talked to or seen G in 4 years.
And I was nobody’s favorite. I’m actually the black sheep of the family because I went off to university, studied hard, got a degree, now working on another degree, and plan to have a career. My mother believes the only thing women can do is find a man and get married. Working is only to find a man and the you have to quit after you get married because women are too stupid to work. And they are supposed to organize their lives around their husband and their mother. Happiness is not required. Let’s just say I don’t agree with my mother.
Mostly because I live in another state but they don’t want to connect with me and neither I with them.
Growing up, my mother cycled between abuse and neglect towards me. She loved to set me up to fail and pitted me against my sisters in everything. Plus, when my sisters did anything wrong they weren’t punished. I was. My mother also liked to punish me for things I never did or she imagined or if she felt like it. I got the impression that I was not what my mother wanted but she couldn’t get rid of me (though she tried) and was stuck with me. Plus, I was also told repeatedly that I was going to hell and that I was a disappointment and I could do nothing right.
Now we ate dinner together every night. Birthdays, everyone but mine, was a big deal and a party. I had to remind my parents about my own birthday. Few vacations and only if my mother wanted to go somewhere or my dad was attending some conference somewhere. Didn’t pray at all. Always went to mass, considering my mother loved to say that if I didn’t go to Mass I was going to hell. We went to my mother’s parents for almost all holidays or one of her brothers. My dad’s family lived out of state so we only met them twice.
Honestly, I can deal with my family now much better than I used to. They just have to live several thousand miles away and have minimal contact with me. Well, I can be civil and they don’t anger me as much. I love my family, from a distance. I would do anything for them but I know they would do nothing for me.
My advice, love your kids for who they are and don’t point out any differences as a negative thing but as positive things that help out siblings who don’t have those abilities/skills/talents/whatever.
C
catsrus
Guest
On occasion, I was. But I was always conflicted with jealousy if I wasn’t and guilt if I was.
Unfortunately, those feelings have never been resolved.
And at my age (60), I highly doubt they ever will be. Just too much water under the bridge.
I pray for paradise for us all so we can all truely love one another as we were unable to here on earth.
E
eliza3b
Guest
I have three sisters and four brothers. We all get along as adults, but we give eachother a lot of space. I think one of the downsides of having a large & happy family growing up, is that it can be hard to break away from your family when you get married and start your own family. We hit some bumps along the way, especially when new members (spouses) were added to the mix. We learned (and keep learning) how to keep the peace and maintain strong sibling bonds.
We were all close in age so we spent a lot of time together as children. We laughed a lot and had a lot of fun together when we were teenagers and so on as we got older and went out on our own.
What’s helped us tremendously is my mother & father’s insistence that we treat eachother with respect as adults and give eachother space to be ourselves.
We were all close in age so we spent a lot of time together as children. We laughed a lot and had a lot of fun together when we were teenagers and so on as we got older and went out on our own.
What’s helped us tremendously is my mother & father’s insistence that we treat eachother with respect as adults and give eachother space to be ourselves.
L
Lil_M
Guest
I’m the youngest of 6, 2 boys/4 girls in that order (pretty convenient LoL) There’s a 15-year gap, so I’m not particularly close with my brothers, much more with my sisters. But we do all hang out together a lot, despite the chaos of all their kids running around! We all live within an hour of each other except one, who moved out to BC ( got tired of the humidity here I guess! 
)
We really weren’t that close when we were growing up- some conflicting personalities, plus a little too much togetherness living on a farm. But once the older ones started to move out, we appreciated our time together more. I thought I’d pick a university far away- but when the time came, I didn’t want to leave! It’ll be hard when I get married, living 3 hrs away. If FH wasn’t so cute…
)We really weren’t that close when we were growing up- some conflicting personalities, plus a little too much togetherness living on a farm. But once the older ones started to move out, we appreciated our time together more. I thought I’d pick a university far away- but when the time came, I didn’t want to leave! It’ll be hard when I get married, living 3 hrs away. If FH wasn’t so cute…
H
homewardbound
Guest
I’m the youngest of 6 girls.
The closest in age I am to a sister is 12 years, so its hard to really be close when I’m in a completely different place in life than my sisters who are all in their 30s and 40s. For me, its hard because I would like to be close to them…but I was five years old when the last sister left home so its kind of impossible for them to be anything more than motherly to me. Growing up, it was like I had 6 mothers instead of one! I was much closer to my nieces than my sisters, since the age gap there is much smaller. My oldest niece is only 2 years younger than me. Since I’ve gone to college (I’m the first in my family to go to college) I don’t really talk to anyone in my family very often. There’s no strained relations or arguments, just a lot of distance…not really distance as in travel but other things. Now that I’m converting to Catholicism it seems my family wants even less to do with me. I may be wrong, just since I was adopted and my parents are actually my grandparents…I’ve always felt like I was just the adopted kid…offspring of the prodigal daughter(my oldest sister). I feel like I have to separate myself from the family like she has. Like I somehow don’t belong.
The closest in age I am to a sister is 12 years, so its hard to really be close when I’m in a completely different place in life than my sisters who are all in their 30s and 40s. For me, its hard because I would like to be close to them…but I was five years old when the last sister left home so its kind of impossible for them to be anything more than motherly to me. Growing up, it was like I had 6 mothers instead of one! I was much closer to my nieces than my sisters, since the age gap there is much smaller. My oldest niece is only 2 years younger than me. Since I’ve gone to college (I’m the first in my family to go to college) I don’t really talk to anyone in my family very often. There’s no strained relations or arguments, just a lot of distance…not really distance as in travel but other things. Now that I’m converting to Catholicism it seems my family wants even less to do with me. I may be wrong, just since I was adopted and my parents are actually my grandparents…I’ve always felt like I was just the adopted kid…offspring of the prodigal daughter(my oldest sister). I feel like I have to separate myself from the family like she has. Like I somehow don’t belong.
W
wjp984
Guest
I generally must dislike and not get along with one of the two since my family in general dislikes each other and is very dysfuntional. For more than 8 years I absolutely detested my sister and she hated me as well. We just would be so mean to each other and it was terrible. However, I got along relatively well with my brother. Anyways, recently my brother really started to upset me leaving the Catholic Church among other things and I realized that I couldn’t have rivalries with both my ciblings. Therefore my sister and I for the first time tried to get along since we finally had something in common. We both were upset at and now really disliked my brother. We also realized that unlike my brother we both were into our Catholic faith so perhaps our feuding for all these years was wrong. We still aren’t close but we do get along now. However, as I said, the sad thing is what unifies us is our dislike for our brother. What unified me and my brother before was our dislike for my sister. God forbid the two of them ever one day team up against me. I don’t see that ever happening though since the hatred between my brother and sister is far greater than the hatred ever was between me and my sister.
D
drafdog
Guest
Not very.
I’m living (temporarily) in New York state. I have two brothers in SE Michigan, a sister in Indianapolis, a brother in Albuquerque, and another brother near Phoenix.
We grew up together in a small house, ate meals together and walked up the street to church every Sunday.
We all get along well enough. My wife always complained about how we argue when we all get together. She thought we were too loud. But we always hugged one another and smiled at parting.
All in all they’re a good bunch. And I’m the craziest of the lot.
Matthew
I’m living (temporarily) in New York state. I have two brothers in SE Michigan, a sister in Indianapolis, a brother in Albuquerque, and another brother near Phoenix.
We grew up together in a small house, ate meals together and walked up the street to church every Sunday.
We all get along well enough. My wife always complained about how we argue when we all get together. She thought we were too loud. But we always hugged one another and smiled at parting.
All in all they’re a good bunch. And I’m the craziest of the lot.
Matthew
T
THutch04
Guest
My sister and I are a lot closer than we once were. We really started getting closer after my brother was diagnosed with Autism, because she was the only person who really understood how it affected me, and vice versa. She and I are only 15 months apart, so we’ve spent our entire lives together. It’s comforting to know that eventually I’ll be able to look back on my childhood with someone; because I do realize that someday she’ll be the only person left who will be able to share the memories from growing up.
L
LilyM
Guest
I hear you. Forget moving - one of us gets a sniffle and everyone else knows about it via Mum!
We sibs do all see each other at least twice a year on average (which is quite a feat - five of us scattered across the country). But my middle sister and I aren’t quite as close with the other sibs as they seem to be with each other.
Not that we don’t love each other, but we’re all quite different personality wise.
C
cheddarsox
Guest
I’m the youngest (41) of six siblings. We came from a traditional and rather “strict” Catholic family. We always ate meals together, told what we learned at school, had nightly prayers together, hymn singing, attended Mass together, etc.
I have a close relationship with one sister, oddly enough the oldest, 15 years my senior.
I talk to one other brother maybe one hour per year.
I have sibs that decades pass with no contact.
I have also noticed that when we gather (parents 50th, for instance) all the childhood dynamics kick back in. Maybe that’s the only way we know how to relate…It makes me sad in theory, it seems like it would be nice to be close to family, but when I see them, I realize I have no interest in perpetuating a relationship with them, and they with me.
My father’s family, growing up, was much less traditional and strict, but he remained close to his sibs his entire life.
I don’t think there is a formula for sibling closeness. I think it comes from people enjoying one another. Too much competition can set up for disaster. My mother did lots of comparing, and holding up one’s success over the others.
We competed for love, resources, opportunities to make our parents proud, who could be the best little Catholic, etc.
I was best friends with a family of nine that was much less traditional, but they had more fun with each other. With, not against.
I’ve done my best to raise my kids NOT in competition with each other. They are in their mid-late teens…so time will tell.
I had the blessing a few weeks ago of seeing them and all their significant others spontaneously decide to go for pizza together.
They also are all pals on myspace and xanga and keep tabs on each other.
That is a nice feeling.
I have a close relationship with one sister, oddly enough the oldest, 15 years my senior.
I talk to one other brother maybe one hour per year.
I have sibs that decades pass with no contact.
I have also noticed that when we gather (parents 50th, for instance) all the childhood dynamics kick back in. Maybe that’s the only way we know how to relate…It makes me sad in theory, it seems like it would be nice to be close to family, but when I see them, I realize I have no interest in perpetuating a relationship with them, and they with me.
My father’s family, growing up, was much less traditional and strict, but he remained close to his sibs his entire life.
I don’t think there is a formula for sibling closeness. I think it comes from people enjoying one another. Too much competition can set up for disaster. My mother did lots of comparing, and holding up one’s success over the others.
We competed for love, resources, opportunities to make our parents proud, who could be the best little Catholic, etc.
I was best friends with a family of nine that was much less traditional, but they had more fun with each other. With, not against.
I’ve done my best to raise my kids NOT in competition with each other. They are in their mid-late teens…so time will tell.
I had the blessing a few weeks ago of seeing them and all their significant others spontaneously decide to go for pizza together.
They also are all pals on myspace and xanga and keep tabs on each other.
That is a nice feeling.
G
gmarie21
Guest
Well, I have an interesting setup, so I don’t know if my relationships with all my siblings would be classified as normal to good or not. I was adopted at 9 days old and my brother was eight at the time. He was always protective of me until he got married a few years ago. When he began dating his now wife we began to grow apart in comparison to our life prior to that (we would vacation together a few times without our parents, he helped me move to college and move after college, he’d give me “guy” advice). We do talk occassionally but we don’t have many common interests (plus, he won’t share any part of his personal life and can’t tolerate anyone complaining, including me). However, we see each other frequently b/c I watch his son four days a week.
My parents divorced and each remarried. My step-mom has two sons from her first marriage (one four days older than me, one two years younger than me). I think we tolerated each other more than anything (they didn’t like me b/c my dad was much, much, much kinder to me, as well as their mom). One is now in the Peace Corps in Africa and the other lives about an hour away. I only see them now at family gatherings. My dad and step-mom had two children, a son and daughter. I am not as close to my brother (probably b/c I had to help raise him for a few months and he didn’t like that I was “in charge” b/c I wasn’t his parent), even though we get along when we’re together. My sister and I talk every week or two. We get along great and she flew out to visit the week after I had my dd just to be with me (that weekend she said “now you won’t have time to love me as much because of your daughter” which isn’t true). I love my sister very much and I believe we have a great relationship considering we live 750 miles apart and she is the only sibling I will be open and honest with.
My step-dad has a son and daughter from his first marriage. I get along much better with them. I see my step-sister three times a week (help watch her son too) and my step-brother lives in Minnesota so we don’t talk much, but when he’s in town we have a great time together. He’s such a kind person.
Then, I’ve met one of my biological half siblings. She was nice and we got along pretty well but don’t have a lasting relationship.
However, I’m pretty close to a lot of my cousins. I wouldn’t factor out the importance of extended family (if you have a good relationship). My dd now plays with my cousin’s children and is pretty close with most of them (b/c I’m close with their parents). I am much closer to many of my cousins than I am with most of my siblings. While some may say this is bad, I think there is nothing wrong with being involved with family (however, I can get too much of all my family at times).
My parents divorced and each remarried. My step-mom has two sons from her first marriage (one four days older than me, one two years younger than me). I think we tolerated each other more than anything (they didn’t like me b/c my dad was much, much, much kinder to me, as well as their mom). One is now in the Peace Corps in Africa and the other lives about an hour away. I only see them now at family gatherings. My dad and step-mom had two children, a son and daughter. I am not as close to my brother (probably b/c I had to help raise him for a few months and he didn’t like that I was “in charge” b/c I wasn’t his parent), even though we get along when we’re together. My sister and I talk every week or two. We get along great and she flew out to visit the week after I had my dd just to be with me (that weekend she said “now you won’t have time to love me as much because of your daughter” which isn’t true). I love my sister very much and I believe we have a great relationship considering we live 750 miles apart and she is the only sibling I will be open and honest with.
My step-dad has a son and daughter from his first marriage. I get along much better with them. I see my step-sister three times a week (help watch her son too) and my step-brother lives in Minnesota so we don’t talk much, but when he’s in town we have a great time together. He’s such a kind person.
Then, I’ve met one of my biological half siblings. She was nice and we got along pretty well but don’t have a lasting relationship.
However, I’m pretty close to a lot of my cousins. I wouldn’t factor out the importance of extended family (if you have a good relationship). My dd now plays with my cousin’s children and is pretty close with most of them (b/c I’m close with their parents). I am much closer to many of my cousins than I am with most of my siblings. While some may say this is bad, I think there is nothing wrong with being involved with family (however, I can get too much of all my family at times).
- Status