How common is it in real life to want to marry someone of the same religion?

[Lady_Bug]

Does anyone know whether or not it is common/uncommon for people in “real” life to care what the faith of their spouse or prospective spouse will be?

Has anyone received any flack from anyone in “real” life for wanting a partner of the same faith?

 

[Phemie]

I don’t see too many people concerned about it in my small town. I would estimate that at least 1/2 the marriages we celebrate are mixed-marriages. Our population is about 20% Catholic.

 

[aggiecatholic05]

i grew up in a town that was over 90% Catholic so it may have swayed my opinions but being or becomeing Catholic was essential for my spouse.

its that important to me, and if they couldnt see that i dont see what foundation we could have. not that everyone needs it or that there is something wrong with mixed marriage, they just absolutely not for me.

 

[yellowbird]

I doubt it’s very common. Which is too bad because I think it’s very important to share the same faith - espeically after the children are born.

 

[Trishie]

Some who have made mixed faith marriages wouldn’t do it a second time.

 

[dulcissima]

I don’t think it is all that uncommon. I talked to someone recently who had some bad experiences dating those of other faiths, which led him to decide he would do best only marrying someone of the same faith, which was Jewish.

After an invalid marriage with someone who did not respect my faith, dating someone who was Catholic was my number one criterion. I met a great man several months ago on Catholic Match. I don’t think it is unrealistic to hold out for someone that shares important values with you.

 

[lifeisbeautiful]

I think people who are practicing of their religion tend to want to marry people that practice their same religion, if they believe their faith is the correct one. I know I wanted to marry a Catholic, that was top of the list, and not any “Catholic”, but a faithful practicing one, for so many reasons.

 

[shannyk]

I doubt it’s very common. Which is too bad because I think it’s very important to share the same faith - espeically after the children are born.

Actually I think it’s more of a western thing to not be concerned with a potential spouses religion. In many parts of the world it would be unheard of to marry outside one’s religion. We have come to think of taking religion into account either as intolerant, or close minded, but take a look at our divorce rate. Look through these threads at how many threads concern non Catholic spouses and conflicts especially when it comes to child rearing. Maybe we aren’t as enlightened as we think we are.

My husband was Catholic, and if I should ever marry again my husband will be Catholic. No apologies here.

 

[Rawb]

My friends never gave me any flack for only being interested in Catholic girls, and they, usually, consider very seriously spiritual compatibility if they start getting serious with someone. We all view it as, “why make it that much harder on yourself?” Unless they’re completely religious-indifferent, which few are, they care about their SO’s religion as much as they care about political views, hobbies, and family.

 

[Nechasin]

After dating around in college, nobody gave me any flack for making the decision that I was only going to date Catholics, a month after that decision, I met my future wife. I don’t think it is wrong to want to marry someone of the same faith, especially if that faith is important to you.

 

[roxylu]

One of the reasons I broke up with my ex is because I am Catholic and he is not. (There are many other reasons, but I know this is a big reason.)

Because of that, I just recently made the decision to look for someone who is Catholic. I think that once you start getting serious with a relationship, it is important to have common beliefs with religion being a big part of it.

 

[manualman]

I think it is very uncommon and also think that the reason is the tragic state of faith in the Western world. Few set it as a prerequisite for dating because few honestly make their faith a central and defining part of their lives.

I dated an evangelical girl in college for less than 2 months and it was enough to realize for me that I’d never again date a woman who wasn’t a serious catholic. I could see so clearly what a daily struggle it would be to have such profound differences at the core of our beings.

Bonus, when you make faith compatibility a focus, you start doing things that bring you into contact with a lot of faith filled people!

 

[basilisk]

I don’t have wide experience, but my DH made it clear that he would not marry outside the Church, and of course, marrying in the Church is easiest when you’re both Catholic. So add a tick mark to the “yes it can be done” side.

 

[BlestOne]

I don’t have wide experience, but my DH made it clear that he would not marry outside the Church, and of course, marrying in the Church is easiest when you’re both Catholic. So add a tick mark to the “yes it can be done” side.

I was the same way with my dh… I knew I couldn’t bear to not share the biggest part of me… my faith and after dh and I started dating he started coming to mass with me… after about 2 yrs he converted.

My kids date predominantly Catholics too. I think they know how important it is to me and what struggles I went through with their father (he was Catholic turned pagan).

 

[chevalier]

I’ve been told I’m unrealistic if I want to find a woman who follows the Catholic teachings on sexuality. I’ve also been told that perhaps I shouldn’t cross out divorced people (i.e. those of them who aren’t free to marry in the Church), although I met with understanding when I said it was important for me to have a religious marriage, not only civil.

I suppose the typical situation here is marrying in the Church, rather than only a civil marriage, but with premarital sex preceding. However, it’s possible that many people just quietly obey the teachings without talking about it, so it’s hard to assess.

 

[Sierrah]

I would prefer to Marry someone who is Catholic but that may not be GODs plan for me. As long as someone is christian I’m happy. I’ve never considered dating someone who wasn’t christian it would be too much of a hassle and relationships are hard enough.

 

[Em_in_FL]

Personally, I don’t think I could have allowed myself to become close to someone who does not share my faith.
It IS who I AM… I just would never have opened up to the possibility of anyone who wasn’t a faithful Catholic.

 

[Ame]

I’m a Cradle Catholic who grew up just one hour north of New Orleans where Catholics are the majority. My always preached that we should only marry Catholics. I married a Protestant, but he had no strong commitments to his faith. All of his friends are Catholic and he went to Catholic churchs with them. He said he never felt the “pull” to go to church the way his Catholic friends did and he wanted that “pull” instilled in his children. We’ve been married for seven years and our religious differences have NEVER been an issue. He has not gone through RCIA, but he attends Mass with me and both of our sons are being raised Catholic.

He has a whole new faith and understanding of Christianity in general because I took a chance on dating a non-Catholic. He feels connected to something spiritual for the first time in his life, because I did not listen to dear old mom and married a non-Catholic.

So, I guess it depends on the situation, now doesn’t it?

 

[Sarabande]

I don’t think it’s uncommon - at least in the area that I’m from which has a fairly large Catholic population. So, you’re bound to get hooked up with another fellow Catholic.

For me, although I did date freely men of different denominations, I always knew that I wanted to marry someone who shared my same faith and values. I wanted someone who had a sincere faith in God. If I didn’t have any sort of religion, it wouldn’t have mattered to me. But being Catholic was very important for me and I eventually was given my husband, who I truly believe was given to me by God. He is also Catholic. When I was in college, we actually had discussions like this during Interfaith dialogues between the Catholic students and Jewish students on campus and you would be surprised how many students from both religions said that although they were open about dating people of other faiths, ultimately, they would prefer to marry someone of their own faith. We all discussed how much harder it could be if both were devout in their own faith, and then how to raise the children, etc.

 

[Sarabande]

I’m a Cradle Catholic who grew up just one hour north of New Orleans where Catholics are the majority. My always preached that we should only marry Catholics. I married a Protestant, but he had no strong commitments to his faith. All of his friends are Catholic and he went to Catholic churchs with them. He said he never felt the “pull” to go to church the way his Catholic friends did and he wanted that “pull” instilled in his children. We’ve been married for seven years and our religious differences have NEVER been an issue. He has not gone through RCIA, but he attends Mass with me and both of our sons are being raised Catholic.

He has a whole new faith and understanding of Christianity in general because I took a chance on dating a non-Catholic. He feels connected to something spiritual for the first time in his life, because I did not listen to dear old mom and married a non-Catholic.

So, I guess it depends on the situation, now doesn’t it?

I agree with you. My grandmother married a non-Catholic, had 6 children, were married for over 50 years and had a beautiful and model marriage - one filled with so much love and devotion. He was raised a Lutheran, had faith in God, but did not practice any particular denomination. He agreed with my grandmother in raising all the children Catholic and was supportive in helping them with all their sacraments, etc. and would attend mass with them sometimes. My grandmother was a very devout woman and he loved her so much, that even though they were married civilly before he went off to the Pacific in WWII, they never consummated the marriage until 3 years later when he came home and they had the marriage convalidated by a priest. My grandmother never pressured him through the years and respected his decision to not be Catholic, although always prayed for him. But not long before he died, he wanted to attend RCIA and become a Catholic. Unfortunately, he passed away the Wednesday after Easter. Fortunately, though, because the priest knew he was to start attending RCIA for the following year, he was given permission to have a funeral service for him at the church because my grandfather’s desire was to become a Catholic.