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Lady_Love
Guest
Just wondering. How did most of you know that your husband was the right man for you to marry? Did you ever have any doubts? Did you ever feel afraid of getting married?
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mafh
Guest
It was a lot of things.
He was someone I had greatly admired for a long time, and I had a strong “I can’t believe he picked me” feeling during our courtship.
We were very good friends for about a year before we started dating.
We had a lot of shared experiences and background (same church, same school, some similar interests, shared friends). Our upbringing was similiar.
Our personalities were compatible and complimentary.
Our families had known each other for a while, and both families supported our relationship.
It was something everyone else expected would happen – everyone thought we were a natural pair.
We had a simliar outlook on important personal decisions (money, religion, children, etc).
We resolved arguments well, and were quick to forgive and forget if necessary.
We shared some hobbies.
We feel in love with each other.
Despite all the above, yes I did have doubts. Especially on my wedding day, I couldn’t believe I was doing this and wondered if I was doing the right thing. But, I have never regretted it since.
He was someone I had greatly admired for a long time, and I had a strong “I can’t believe he picked me” feeling during our courtship.
We were very good friends for about a year before we started dating.
We had a lot of shared experiences and background (same church, same school, some similar interests, shared friends). Our upbringing was similiar.
Our personalities were compatible and complimentary.
Our families had known each other for a while, and both families supported our relationship.
It was something everyone else expected would happen – everyone thought we were a natural pair.
We had a simliar outlook on important personal decisions (money, religion, children, etc).
We resolved arguments well, and were quick to forgive and forget if necessary.
We shared some hobbies.
We feel in love with each other.
Despite all the above, yes I did have doubts. Especially on my wedding day, I couldn’t believe I was doing this and wondered if I was doing the right thing. But, I have never regretted it since.
K
Kelfa28
Guest
I “knew” he was the right man after only about a month of dating. He was (and still is) a good man. He was different from all the other guys I had dated (and I had dated a lot in my early twenties).
He was a devote Christian and he wasn’t full of himself or materialistic and he didn’t think the world revolved around him…as most other men I had dated were.
By all accounts he shouldn’t have been dating me. I was agnostic and totally secular. I had no desire to become a Christian and thought he was nuts believing in Christianity.
He and I don’t have the same personality types but we compliment each other very well. We also have the same interests and goals. We enjoy the same things and have found after 5 years total (4 years dating and 1 year of marriage) that we have never gotten bored with each other. We make each other laugh and care very deeply about each other.
Anyway, I converted and then began to actually discern marriage. We were both looking into starting RCIA. We had been together for almost 2.5 years at that point. He and I had been through so much together and we grew closer together despite a couple of deployments.
I was never afraid to get married. He was afraid. He claims he was never afraid to marry me but didn’t want to go through the ceremony. I still don’t believe him to this day. It wasn’t until we got engaged and started looking into where to get married that we decided to start RCIA together and became very devote Catholics.
I only had doubts when I came back from my deployment for Christmas break. He was distant and chose not to take a vacation from his job. We barely saw each other while I was home for 2 weeks and I was trying to get used to civilian life after being away for 4 months. This was when I found out he was afraid to get married. He realized he was wrong to treat me the way he did while I was home from deployment. He was used to deployments and took it for granted that I wasn’t. He was a changed person when I came home for good a few months later.
It was the only real hiccup in our relationship that made me think about whether I wanted to marry him or not. We were away from each other and I had the chance to pray every day and realize that God was pushing me towards him.
He was a devote Christian and he wasn’t full of himself or materialistic and he didn’t think the world revolved around him…as most other men I had dated were.
By all accounts he shouldn’t have been dating me. I was agnostic and totally secular. I had no desire to become a Christian and thought he was nuts believing in Christianity.
He and I don’t have the same personality types but we compliment each other very well. We also have the same interests and goals. We enjoy the same things and have found after 5 years total (4 years dating and 1 year of marriage) that we have never gotten bored with each other. We make each other laugh and care very deeply about each other.
Anyway, I converted and then began to actually discern marriage. We were both looking into starting RCIA. We had been together for almost 2.5 years at that point. He and I had been through so much together and we grew closer together despite a couple of deployments.
I was never afraid to get married. He was afraid. He claims he was never afraid to marry me but didn’t want to go through the ceremony. I still don’t believe him to this day. It wasn’t until we got engaged and started looking into where to get married that we decided to start RCIA together and became very devote Catholics.
I only had doubts when I came back from my deployment for Christmas break. He was distant and chose not to take a vacation from his job. We barely saw each other while I was home for 2 weeks and I was trying to get used to civilian life after being away for 4 months. This was when I found out he was afraid to get married. He realized he was wrong to treat me the way he did while I was home from deployment. He was used to deployments and took it for granted that I wasn’t. He was a changed person when I came home for good a few months later.
It was the only real hiccup in our relationship that made me think about whether I wanted to marry him or not. We were away from each other and I had the chance to pray every day and realize that God was pushing me towards him.
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robotsarecool
Guest
Well, funny thing is, my husband and I knew each other 7 years before we started dating. As soon as we started dating, I knew he was the one for me. We challenged each other and both of us got closer to God through our relationship (he actually was actually my sponsor when I converted and I was a Protestant and I encouraged him to go to Church). He went to church with me on Sundays and I went with him Saturday nights and eventually I wanted to become a Catholic. He made me laugh, he was respectful, he up-lifted me instead of criticizing me (every other guy I dated would criticize my looks, mostly about my short hair or would try to convince me to loose weight even though I am thin, ect.), he is an intellectual equal to me and I could hold a conversation with him (some guys I dated in the past weren’t equal with me intellectually and I had a hard time holding conversations), he was responsible with finances and well most other things, and well, his faults were ones I could deal with. You can’t expect perfection and you just have to figure our what faults you can deal with and which ones are deal breakers.
I was a little nervous about getting married, but you should be even if that person in the right one because it is a life-long decision. I of course thought about if he was the right one, but it is something you need to think seriously about. I know too many people get caught up in their infatuation and not think through things thoroughly and then realize they may have married the wrong person, or that there are going to be some serious issues that they never thought of before. That is one good reason that everyone should go through pre-marital counseling.
I was a little nervous about getting married, but you should be even if that person in the right one because it is a life-long decision. I of course thought about if he was the right one, but it is something you need to think seriously about. I know too many people get caught up in their infatuation and not think through things thoroughly and then realize they may have married the wrong person, or that there are going to be some serious issues that they never thought of before. That is one good reason that everyone should go through pre-marital counseling.
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DebChris
Guest
I like that the earlier posters married their best friend.
The Sacrament of Matrimony is irrevocable. I take vows seriously and was definitely not in a hurry to marry.
I had in my mind a list of “ideal” qualities that I looked for in a mate. What I found instead were those qualities in myself when I was with the man I would marry. It was actually after a fight that I knew that I loved him.
The Sacrament of Matrimony is irrevocable. I take vows seriously and was definitely not in a hurry to marry.
I had in my mind a list of “ideal” qualities that I looked for in a mate. What I found instead were those qualities in myself when I was with the man I would marry. It was actually after a fight that I knew that I loved him.
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boomerang
Guest
True story: 22 years ago, I got face down on the floor and prayed my heart out for God to send me a man I could love. Three months later, a stranger came into the little sandwich shop I owned. He ordered a sandwich and sat down a few feet away from me. I suddenly, (and no, I’m not making this up, so help me God!) heard a rather loud voice come from directly behind me that proclaimed, “YOU’RE GOING TO MARRY HIM!” I was absolutely stunned, but I know I clearly heard it. And I heard it with my ears, it was not a voice in my head. It was a real, physical voice. It didn’t sound like either a man or a woman, but it sounded totally natural. We were alone in this small shop, so nobody else could have said this amazing thing.
Well, this stranger came back in to my shop the next day and asked me out. We hit it off like we knew each other all our lives. About two weeks later, he confessed to me that on the day we met, which was the same day I heard the voice, he had an unusual dream that night in which he was standing alone in a room, and suddenly a voice rang out, “YOU HAVE JUST MET YOUR WIFE!”. He woke up feeling very warm, content and happy. He knew the dream was about me, and knew he had to come back to my sandwich shop and ask me out. On top of that, I had fallen away from the Catholic church, and he was a die-hard Catholic, and he brought me back in to the church! I like to think of my hubby as a true “gift from God”! I have to shake my head in sadness and amazement when I read comments by atheists that “nobody’s prayers have ever been answered”. Hogwash, Horsefeathers and Poppycock!!!
Well, this stranger came back in to my shop the next day and asked me out. We hit it off like we knew each other all our lives. About two weeks later, he confessed to me that on the day we met, which was the same day I heard the voice, he had an unusual dream that night in which he was standing alone in a room, and suddenly a voice rang out, “YOU HAVE JUST MET YOUR WIFE!”. He woke up feeling very warm, content and happy. He knew the dream was about me, and knew he had to come back to my sandwich shop and ask me out. On top of that, I had fallen away from the Catholic church, and he was a die-hard Catholic, and he brought me back in to the church! I like to think of my hubby as a true “gift from God”! I have to shake my head in sadness and amazement when I read comments by atheists that “nobody’s prayers have ever been answered”. Hogwash, Horsefeathers and Poppycock!!!
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Annabelle_Marie
Guest
I knew he was right for me because he told me! Ha…just kidding. I had no plans to get married until I was 30. I went out on a blind date with him just to get my co-workers to shut up. On the first date (a double date), where we were going to go (bowling) was full…so the guys went off to the restroom and so did the girls. I told my friend that maybe we should go to such and such town and watch a certain movie out there. We came out of the restroom and the guy who was on the date with us said "name, had a great idea…and then verbatum repeated exactly what I had said. We have been “reading” each others minds ever since. Three months after our date, we were engaged and a year later married. That was 24 years ago…
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BlueEyedLady
Guest
I knew the night we met. On my way home from our first date I thought to myself “Oh my god I think I’m going to marry him”. Of course I kicked that thought right out of my head because I’ve always believed its nuts to even have thoughts like that before 6 or so months of dating, and absolutely foolish to entertain those thoughts before a year.
I could tell you that I knew because of his extraordinary kindness, his selflessness, his strength, his intellect, or his sense of humor. And all of those things are true. He has absolutely the kindest heart of anyone that I have ever met, and the love and loyalty that he shows his friends and family is surpassed only by his love and loyalty for me. He is a brilliant man with a stunning sense of humor. He gets along with absolutely everyone and makes friends everywhere he goes.
But it is so much more than that. A lot of men are kind, funny, loyal and funny. In fact I bet every woman on this board would say the same things about their husbands as I said about my fiance, and the would all probably be right. So why didn’t I fall in love with anyone else? Because it takes more than just good qualities to make a marriage.
I knew he was the one for me because of the way we connect. We are the couple that gets on everyone’s nerves. We finish each others sentences, we often think and say the same things at the same time. Our values are completely in sync. We have the same quirks, we laugh at the same things, we have a lot of little hobbies or likes that no one else does. We spend almost all of our non work time together. We share all of the same interests and like the same things. Every once in a great while we’ll want to do something different, but we are still in the same room talking while we do. All of our friends have become mutual friends, and we’ve become close to each others families. People are often shocked that we don’t get sick of each other and that we are always laughing, smiling, and joking when we are together. We click physically in a way that I didn’t know was possible. Of course we fight, but we work through our issues and come out better for it. If I believed in a human soul I would believe that ours were mates. I haven’t seen a lot of people with relationships like ours but the few I have seen have been lifelong and filled with love, and that’s what we want for ourselves too.
I could tell you that I knew because of his extraordinary kindness, his selflessness, his strength, his intellect, or his sense of humor. And all of those things are true. He has absolutely the kindest heart of anyone that I have ever met, and the love and loyalty that he shows his friends and family is surpassed only by his love and loyalty for me. He is a brilliant man with a stunning sense of humor. He gets along with absolutely everyone and makes friends everywhere he goes.
But it is so much more than that. A lot of men are kind, funny, loyal and funny. In fact I bet every woman on this board would say the same things about their husbands as I said about my fiance, and the would all probably be right. So why didn’t I fall in love with anyone else? Because it takes more than just good qualities to make a marriage.
I knew he was the one for me because of the way we connect. We are the couple that gets on everyone’s nerves. We finish each others sentences, we often think and say the same things at the same time. Our values are completely in sync. We have the same quirks, we laugh at the same things, we have a lot of little hobbies or likes that no one else does. We spend almost all of our non work time together. We share all of the same interests and like the same things. Every once in a great while we’ll want to do something different, but we are still in the same room talking while we do. All of our friends have become mutual friends, and we’ve become close to each others families. People are often shocked that we don’t get sick of each other and that we are always laughing, smiling, and joking when we are together. We click physically in a way that I didn’t know was possible. Of course we fight, but we work through our issues and come out better for it. If I believed in a human soul I would believe that ours were mates. I haven’t seen a lot of people with relationships like ours but the few I have seen have been lifelong and filled with love, and that’s what we want for ourselves too.
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Ophelia23
Guest
Your story gave me goosebumps!! That’s so cool!!True story: 22 years ago, I got face down on the floor and prayed my heart out for God to send me a man I could love. Three months later, a stranger came into the little sandwich shop I owned. He ordered a sandwich and sat down a few feet away from me. I suddenly, (and no, I’m not making this up, so help me God!) heard a rather loud voice come from directly behind me that proclaimed, “YOU’RE GOING TO MARRY HIM!” I was absolutely stunned, but I know I clearly heard it. And I heard it with my ears, it was not a voice in my head. It was a real, physical voice. It didn’t sound like either a man or a woman, but it sounded totally natural. We were alone in this small shop, so nobody else could have said this amazing thing.
Well, this stranger came back in to my shop the next day and asked me out. We hit it off like we knew each other all our lives. About two weeks later, he confessed to me that on the day we met, which was the same day I heard the voice, he had an unusual dream that night in which he was standing alone in a room, and suddenly a voice rang out, “YOU HAVE JUST MET YOUR WIFE!”. He woke up feeling very warm, content and happy. He knew the dream was about me, and knew he had to come back to my sandwich shop and ask me out. On top of that, I had fallen away from the Catholic church, and he was a die-hard Catholic, and he brought me back in to the church! I like to think of my hubby as a true “gift from God”! I have to shake my head in sadness and amazement when I read comments by atheists that “nobody’s prayers have ever been answered”. Hogwash, Horsefeathers and Poppycock!!!
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Tampa_Dave
Guest
The first words I said to my future wife upon meeting her: “You are so incredibly beautiful”. After 27 plus years of marriage, she is still incredibly beautiful! Probably more so now, since I’ve learned what truly lies in her heart and soul over the years. 
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Luvz2travel
Guest
Way cool!True story: 22 years ago, I got face down on the floor and prayed my heart out for God to send me a man I could love. Three months later, a stranger came into the little sandwich shop I owned. He ordered a sandwich and sat down a few feet away from me. I suddenly, (and no, I’m not making this up, so help me God!) heard a rather loud voice come from directly behind me that proclaimed, “YOU’RE GOING TO MARRY HIM!” I was absolutely stunned, but I know I clearly heard it. And I heard it with my ears, it was not a voice in my head. It was a real, physical voice. It didn’t sound like either a man or a woman, but it sounded totally natural. We were alone in this small shop, so nobody else could have said this amazing thing.
Well, this stranger came back in to my shop the next day and asked me out. We hit it off like we knew each other all our lives. About two weeks later, he confessed to me that on the day we met, which was the same day I heard the voice, he had an unusual dream that night in which he was standing alone in a room, and suddenly a voice rang out, “YOU HAVE JUST MET YOUR WIFE!”. He woke up feeling very warm, content and happy. He knew the dream was about me, and knew he had to come back to my sandwich shop and ask me out. On top of that, I had fallen away from the Catholic church, and he was a die-hard Catholic, and he brought me back in to the church! I like to think of my hubby as a true “gift from God”! I have to shake my head in sadness and amazement when I read comments by atheists that “nobody’s prayers have ever been answered”. Hogwash, Horsefeathers and Poppycock!!!
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Luvz2travel
Guest
My dad proposed to his first wife (my mom) a week after they met. My mom thought he was nuts and broke up with him he sang to her at her window and eventually won her back they were married 29 years till she passed away.
Four years later my dad started dating again and met my stepmother. A week after they first went out he told us they were get married after dating a year if it all worked out. This didn’t surprise or alarm me as I know my dad really well and he know what he wants and is very level headed. They married less than a year later and are going on 10 years of being happily married. Some folks just know I guess.
Four years later my dad started dating again and met my stepmother. A week after they first went out he told us they were get married after dating a year if it all worked out. This didn’t surprise or alarm me as I know my dad really well and he know what he wants and is very level headed. They married less than a year later and are going on 10 years of being happily married. Some folks just know I guess.
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robwar
Guest
fear is pretty normal because it is such a big and life changing step. My husband shared the same commitment to faith and God that I did. I guess if giving advise, I would marry someone you genuinely admired. I admired from the start I met him. Since he has a physical handicap, I saw a lot of character in him that was built up from dealing with a handicap and I admired that and still do today!
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_Jenn
Guest
I knew after about 3 months of dating. We had known each other for almost 4 years when we started dating, and for about a year before our first date, had begun to form a really good friendship. It was, though, after 3 months of dating, when I went through something rough, that I knew. I saw how quick he was to jump to help me through it, to be at my side, etc. & I just knew. We were engaged after dating for 16 months, & married 16 months after that.
I never had a doubt about marrying him, nor was I ever afraid. We will celebrate 12 yrs of marriage in a few months.
I never had a doubt about marrying him, nor was I ever afraid. We will celebrate 12 yrs of marriage in a few months.
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StJudePray4Me
Guest
He made me laugh. A lot.
On our first date, he showed up scrubbed clean, with a fresh haircut, wearing a pressed button down shirt and actual shoes…not sneakers.
We could talk for hours over dinner or a beer.
We rarely fought.
He opened doors and complimented me.
He got calls from his brothers and sisters, just to say hi.
He displayed photos of his baby nieces and nephews on his dorm room bulletin board.
As time went by and I met his family and learned about his upbringing, his Catholic faith, his work ethic and how smart he is, I said to myself, this man is seriously GREAT husband material!
And, I got a little dizzy when he kissed me!
On our first date, he showed up scrubbed clean, with a fresh haircut, wearing a pressed button down shirt and actual shoes…not sneakers.
We could talk for hours over dinner or a beer.
We rarely fought.
He opened doors and complimented me.
He got calls from his brothers and sisters, just to say hi.
He displayed photos of his baby nieces and nephews on his dorm room bulletin board.
As time went by and I met his family and learned about his upbringing, his Catholic faith, his work ethic and how smart he is, I said to myself, this man is seriously GREAT husband material!
And, I got a little dizzy when he kissed me!
C
Cariethra
Guest
When I first met my husband I was in an emotionally abusive relationship. My boyfriend at the time raped me because I was saying that I wanted to break up and he didn’t want to. He knew I wouldn’t leave if I lost my virginity.
I hadn’t told anyone what happened until I was talking with my husband over AIM one day. He was just a friend at the time and I’m not sure why I told him when no one else knew including my best friend. But he said that it didn’t matter. No matter what I was still the same person. This was a similar message I had been telling friends who had had issues through out High School. So to hear it from some one else was very powerful.
I went up to visit him one summer and found out his mother was Catholic. He wasn’t at the time, but he did want to be. He was just lazy about going to RCIA. We found out that there were a lot of times growing up that we had just passed by each other.
We had met online on a forum, and the relationship moved slowly at first. He gave me the strength to break up with my abusive boyfriend. That some one would still care about me despite the fact I wasn’t pure.
Even now I have issues with intimacy. He just smiles and tells me he loves me and that we’ll try again when I’m more up to it.
He had his own issues from childhood and teenagehood that all but destroyed him. We were able to heal each other. That, brought us even closer together.
I felt safe, and loved by him. He didn’t judge me on my past but on who I was right then.
I hadn’t told anyone what happened until I was talking with my husband over AIM one day. He was just a friend at the time and I’m not sure why I told him when no one else knew including my best friend. But he said that it didn’t matter. No matter what I was still the same person. This was a similar message I had been telling friends who had had issues through out High School. So to hear it from some one else was very powerful.
I went up to visit him one summer and found out his mother was Catholic. He wasn’t at the time, but he did want to be. He was just lazy about going to RCIA. We found out that there were a lot of times growing up that we had just passed by each other.
We had met online on a forum, and the relationship moved slowly at first. He gave me the strength to break up with my abusive boyfriend. That some one would still care about me despite the fact I wasn’t pure.
Even now I have issues with intimacy. He just smiles and tells me he loves me and that we’ll try again when I’m more up to it.
He had his own issues from childhood and teenagehood that all but destroyed him. We were able to heal each other. That, brought us even closer together.
I felt safe, and loved by him. He didn’t judge me on my past but on who I was right then.
C
chevalier
Guest
Just curious. You did say that to a stranger, didn’t you? People had more flair back then.The first words I said to my future wife upon meeting her: “You are so incredibly beautiful”. After 27 plus years of marriage, she is still incredibly beautiful! Probably more so now, since I’ve learned what truly lies in her heart and soul over the years.
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Lucky7
Guest
Please tell me I’m not the only happily married woman who has a hard time answering this question. LOL
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TraderTif
Guest
No, you’re not.
I actually met my husband right here in the family life forum of the CAF. (Yay technology!!) We talked long-distance for a while. I travelled the 1000 miles south and visited him, and decided that this was my best friend.
6 months after we started talking, we decided to officially start a relationship. We got engaged after about a year after that. The timing was so right, everything fell naturally into place, and I took that as a sign. I was finishing up college, and able to move down to his area just before we got married. I was able to get a much-needed surgery which restored my fertility just before we got engaged. Etc., etc.
He is the most amazing man I’ve ever met, we get along great, we’re compatible in all major areas, and he’s a devoted Catholic - what more could I possibly want??
I had doubts, sure. Doubts, worries, and fears all the way through. But, they were never major enough to cause problems. We talked through EVERYTHING. And yet, I didn’t feel 100% confident of anything until we actually said the vows, y’know?
But, my husband felt very, very confident from the beginning. (And he takes the fact that we got pregnant almost immediately after the wedding as a sign that this was all meant to be, lol.)
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Lucky7
Guest
I’m glad to hear I’m not the only one.No, you’re not.
But, my husband felt very, very confident from the beginning. (And he takes the fact that we got pregnant almost immediately after the wedding as a sign that this was all meant to be, lol.)
I would advise your husband to be careful about saying things like this in mixed company. Because there are many of us who do not get pregnant and that does not mean that our marriage was not meant to be. Personally, I am beginning to get more thick-skinned when it comes to comments like these, but I know that a statement like that can be VERY hurtful to others.
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