How did you know?

[celtic_catholic_1]

I am pretty much directing this question to the men of this forum, but I wont ignore any responses by the ladies. To all you married, or soon to be married men, how did you know she was the one?
I am currently praying to discern my vocation. I hope to be going to college in a short time, but am having some difficulty knowing what my future state in life might be. As a practicing Catholic I go to Mass and Adoration fairly often, but have yet to receive any clear sign what my vocation is. I am open to the idea of the priesthood, but have little to no attraction to it. Not that I don’t respect priests and holy orders, but I just don’t feel drawn to it. I know It’s not what I want, but what God want that matters, so I can’t really say NO if God calls me to it.
I am also open to the idea of marriage. I see the way my parents are happy and feel somewhat attracted to the family life. I know it is sort of natural to feel this way,but can’t help but wonder if this might be what God could call me to. I am not in the position to support a family yet, but I feel a little impatient not knowing.
So my question is can you explain; how did you know she was the one? I don’t expect many responses laying out the guidelines on how to know. But I am curious. Maybe I already have met the future Mrs. But I feel confused and uncertain at this point. Almost everyone I know thinks I am going to be a priest for some reason and I had almost gotten used to the idea, but now I am not so sure. Perhaps they know something I don’t.
I guess I just have to keep asking God until He gets tired of me pestering him.
Anyhow, I appreciate any responses.
And if anyone know of any novenas for discerning a vocation let me know.

 

[Bob_Crowley]

In my own case, I got pretty clear spiritual guidance on the matter.

I’d been single for about eight years after going through a divorce at around the same time I’d become Christian. I was getting restive about it, so I went to my old Protestant pastor. He commented that maybe I’d meet someone at a Christian seminar or a similar function.

So off I went to every seminar going.

No result. Back to the pastor, and a bit cranky to boot.

He responded, “That’s not what I meant. I was thinking of something like* ‘Christians without Partners’ *or a group like that. That way you’re both looking for the same thing.”

But exactly as he said “Christian without Partners”, this sense of bubbling joy hit me. I knew even then that the lady would be there. And the second time I went, she was there. Incidentally she went to the USA for a holiday at around the same time with two friends of hers, and I was half expecting some Yank to snare her while she was away. I should have known better, but you know how it is.

So in my case I had very clear guidance.

As to vocation, I’ve had some clear references to writing. One of my chief bugbears in life has been a lack of career choices. I was moaning about this in my mind one day on the bus going home, and this voice just cut clear across my thoughts, and said, “Bob! What’s WRONG with being a writer??” It didn’t come from me. I wanted a trade or something similar.

I’ve been resisting it, but I’d assume it’s guidance.

So rest assured, God’s there, and He knows what His plan for you is, but He doesn’t always make it easy. I had to wait several years before getting guidance on the future wife, and He’s been somewhat unhelpful in regard to the writing aspect in some ways. I have no formal qualifications for example, so any “intellectual” component to my writing would have no academic status whatsoever. I hadt a “double whammy” about CS Lewis for example, but he was an Oxford Don. And that’s a real irritant. God’s response to date? Nothing.

And I’ve had a lot of discouragement and humiliation while I’ve been waiting, I can assure you. My wife is a few years older than me, so she’d been waiting half a lifetime.

In your own case, you’re young, and I think you might need to develop some patience. For the time being if I were you, I’d just continue going through the motions. Go to College, and get your qualifications. Apart from anything else, you need to earn a crust, and having some form of trade or tertiary qualification is a very helpful start in life. Once you’ve done that, God might then make clear what He wants you to do.

He can if He wants to. And quite often, it involves the experience and advice of a wise Christian eg. the old pastor in my case.

 

[Colmcille]

Praying for you in your discernment efforts.

 

[jpjd]

Don’t let the expectations of others be the reason you pursue the priesthood.

There is no rush. You are still young, and college is a time of major growth and change. Go to college, get your degree. Keep praying, keep going to Mass and adoration. Feel free to date girls. I think through your varied experiences you will start to be drawn by the Holy Spirit in one direction or another.

God’s blessings be upon you.

 

[Matt_Collins]

I met my wife when I was 28. All I can say is that as I got to know her, I “recognized” her as the one I had been looking for. There really is no other way to put it.

But that was my experience. Don’t expect it to be the same for you.

 

[Iheartcoffee]

My husband said that when he and I were dating he told his best friend that he thought he met the girl he would marry. His friend asked him how he knew and he said he “just did” and that it seemed like we complemented each other so well. What I was good at he was not, and vice versa. The fact that each of us seemed to fill in so well where the other lacked was really obvious to him.

As for me, I realized I would probably marry him when I recognized that I was seeing someone that I had no reason to break up with. It sounds strange, but previous relationships always had me looking for a “reason” not to continue to see the person. This is probably God’s way of telling me to keep looking. I always managed to find something that I just couldn’t put up with and I would start looking for a way out. My husband was the first guy that I dated for a while that didn’t put up any of the red flags I was always on the lookout for. I also appreciated the fact that he found the fact that I was religious to be attractive. I had dated a guy in high school that said, “You know, you’re probably the most religious person I know.” I realized he said that like it was a BAD thing so I broke up with him pretty quickly. About a year later my husband and I were dating and we were sitting outside talking and he said, “You know, you’re probably the most religious person I know”. He said it as a COMPLIMENT. The fact that the same statement could mean something so different was amazing to me. My beliefs drew him towards me rather than pushed him away.

As you try to decide your path in life, keep in mind that you will probably discover it when you least expect it. I went off to college with a pretty strong annoyance about the whole marriage thing. My parents had a very bad relationship that soured my beliefs about marriage. I still believed in waiting for marriage for sex. I also wasn’t anti-dating because I decided it would be stupid to actively try to keep someone out of my life if there WAS someone, but I just didn’t think marriage was something I would ever do. I saw myself just going through life on my own. I decided that if I ever wanted kids I would adopt so that I could give a home and at least a mother to a child that had neither. Needless to say, my husband (who was a friend late in high school and as we started at the same college) went from “friend status” to “boyfriend material” as I got to know him better and it changed my views on marriage and my path in life. I still have a career and I enjoy it. I just don’t see it as my be all and end all because I realized I could have a good marriage, even if my parents did not. A happy family and strong relationships are more important than career goals.

Whether you get married, pursue the religious life, or stay single, just remember that staying open to wherever God takes you is the most important part. Don’t rush things. God will do it in his own time.

 

[KCT]

Don’t expect a St Paul experience.

Do you have similar interests and goals? Does she have qualities you want in a wife/ mother? Do you make her happy? (Not just does she make you happy…). Do you enjoy being together? Do you like her family? (Not necessarily a deal breaker, but they will be your family, too!)

 

[celtic_catholic_1]

Thank you to all who responded. I am going through each comment right now. I appreciate the encouragement and advise.