How did you learn to stand up for yourself and your beliefs?

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TwoNames

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Hello there!

I was thinking many times to start this thread and since CAF will not be around for much longer, I decided this time to do it.

Did any of you ever have a problem with taking criticism and standing up for yourself and your beliefs? I have so much problem with that, that I am trying to not make new friends.
I am afraid that my relatives or friends (Catholic) would get married - just civilly, which is very common these days and I will be invited. Because for me it is so hard to say “No.”. It’s a real phobia.
This is just one example.
The other, more common example is to avoid any invitations to anything on Friday. Because I don’t eat meat on Fridays.
These are just two examples. I hope you get the picture.
These fear of criticism comes from when I was very young and I am already in my thirties and still did not sort this out. I don’t know how to do it actually.

If anyone successfully dealt with this problem, I would be very happy to hear a tip or a thought. Also others, who do not have this type of problems, are very welcome to write how you do it, and what is the thought process behind your actions.

God bless you all my CAF friends.
 
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I’m just combative and contrarian by nature.

There’s no real reason for you to not go to a civil wedding, unless it’s a homosexual “marriage”.

Friday’s are understandable, I typically don’t go out with friends on Friday’s either for the same reason. Easier to abstain at home.
 
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Don’t worry about what other people think. You are entitled to your opinion and views. Don’t feel obligated to explain your choices. “I am so sorry, but I have a standing commitment on Fridays, so I can’t make it then. How about Tuesday or Saturday?” Works just fine.

When I realized I don’t have to always explain myself, things got a lot easier!
 
This sounds much deeper than just being uncomfortable or unsure. You describe it as a phobia. You actually avoid doing anything on Fridays with people.

Have you considered working through this anxiety with a counselor or a priest?
 
Why does going out on a Friday automatically translate into eating meat?

Surely if you’re invited out to eat, you have options that don’t include meat. Are none of your friends vegetarian or vegan (nowadays, it seems almost everyone has at least one friend that is)? It’s not that hard to say, “I’ll have a salad.” If it’s a standing invitation to a friend’s home for dinner, you have two options: speak up and say you don’t eat meat (again, if you said you were vegetarian, no one would bat an eye) or else offer up a different sacrifice instead of abstaining.
 
If I’m invited out on Friday and meat is on the menu, I will offer another penance or choose a non-meat option. Pre-covid many of my coworkers knew I didn’t eat meat on Fridays because we’d go out for lunch and I’d ask for recommendations that didn’t have meat in them. No one ever gave me a hard time for it.
 
As others have pointed out, abstaining from meat can be substituted with another act of penance - your choice. My wife and I stick to the “no meat” anyway - we’re old fashioned.

A civil wedding of Catholics - that’s a different matter.

BUT - this is more important: the Sacrament of Confirmation is ordered to providing grace to be a witness to the Faith, to increase our fortitude/strength to stand for truth against opposition and temptation. Unless you have lost this grace through mortal sin, you can and should pray to God for the (actual) grace to activate the grace of that Sacrament, and the virtue of fortitude, to enable you to stand strong. If you have mortal sin and have lost this grace/virtue, you should repent and confess it in the Sacrament of Reconciliation, to receive absolution and restoration - and then pray to God the Holy Spirit for His enabling (actual) grace to access and use the newly restored graces of Confirmation.

Confirmation does actually WORK. (When we work it.)
 
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Prayer and (when appropriate) just doing it.

I’ve found myself regularly confronted with conversations I dread (that I could see coming from a mile away) – and sometimes there’s not much else to do but sigh, take a deep breath, and then prayerfully, carefully speak.

It feels horrifying in the moment. Like being suspended over the ocean and there are sharks swimming underneath.

But God helps us to walk on water, when we trust in Him.

So far it’s been my experience that when I follow God through the conversation, even though I can’t see how this can possibly turn out well, it turns out better than I expected.

God does act. We’re not in it alone.

So yeah that’s my Nike slogan contribution; there really is a place for “Just Do It”. We can’t avoid every horrifying conversation. We are going to have to walk over shark infested waters, possibly many times in our lives. The only way through it is to take Jesus’ hand – and walk forward with him.
 
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@TwoNames

In experience in my own life, I think this can often be a “break the ice” sort of thing where it seems very difficult in your imagination but then in practice it probably isn’t at all.

Try to be simple and meek about things. Don’t feel like you need to give a Pauline monologue to justify yourself or to put yourself in really big shoes. If somebody asks you a question, answer it plainly. Avoid being wordy, unless you’re in an environment where that is okay (like here on an apologetics forum, or at certain Bible studies where there is deeper and more robust conversation).

For example, if you want to abstain from meat on Fridays, just do it. It’s unlikely that somebody will publicly point out that you are not eating meat. If they do, just be simple and plain about it. For example, “No thank you :)” or if they ask further about it, “Thanks, but I avoid meat on Friday’s” and then give a smile. You can also choose an alternative penance if you prefer, if you don’t want to be misjudged as trying to look better than other people.

Peace.
 
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Catholic Answers, and CAF helped by teaching me the arguments. Debating on here helped me learn how to respond and helped me figure out what works and what doesn’t.

Then, I had to make the decision that what people thought of me wasn’t going to bother me. I had to decide that criticism wasn’t enough to keep me from preaching the Truth. I had to decide that if a person didn’t want me in their life because I disagreed with them then it wasn’t really my loss.

Once I’d done that, it became fairly easy to speak out.
 
I learned via an extremely controversial and much maligned procedure. Fear prevented me from sharing my faith in many cases. I attended a Life in the Spirit seminar and submitted to the baptism in the Holy Spirit (NOT a Sacrament). After that, my fear began to dissolve and I developed an interest in many additional aspects of the faith. There was no looking back.
 
Your very great level of dread may be more helped by therapy for anxiety rather than by help standing up for your faith to per se. with the help of a therapist you can start standing up for things that carry much les weight and build up to these scenarios that terrify you so much. Get help and start small and you’ll get there!
 
Thank you everyone for you answers.
I will definitely pray more - perhaps now that Advent is here, this could be a good exercise. As some of you may know I suffer from OCD - focused in scrupulosity. I have a spiritual director and he helps me in the matters of confession and preparation for confession and my questions about mortal sins. I entrust myself to God through the hands of my spiritual director. By God’s grace, I am not in mortal sin, if I am, may God lead me to freedom, through my spiritual director.

Thank you everyone! God bless you all, have a wonderful and blessed Advent.
 
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