How did you talk to someone that left the Church...but won't tell you why?

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adamhovey1988

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This is for future endeavours based on past experiences. A little background; I have an ex girlfriend that was baptized Catholic but was not really raised Catholic. She was going to come into the Church with me, but decided to delay a little bit. Okay then. We went a little while without talking, and then she became very anti-Catholic. Back when I had a Facebook (I’ve known her since before the general public was even aware of Facebook) she would comment on my posts and start arguments with me. I even had priests helping me in debates with her. One thing that baffles me is that she never would (to the best of my knowledge, maybe I am reading her wrong) would tell me what the problem she had with the Church was. Just the “whore of Babylon” type spiel and the like. I ask y’all this, because if I am ever confronting her again (I don’t really talk to her anymore, but I live close to her, so it may or may not happen), I would like to know how to get what her problem is with the Catholic Church out of her. I admit, I was not exactly a good example as a Catholic, but if it weren’t for he (oddly) I wouldn’t even be Catholic to begin with. (I put this here under evangelization instead of apologetics as there was really no topic under apologetics that fit, and since it does have to do with sharing the faith, I thought evangelization appropriate)
 
Ask her straight out, then read up on how the Church cannot be the “Whore or Babylon”. There are many good explanations out there that prove beyond a doubt, but in the end there isn’t much you can do.

Pray, and witness through your life, love her no matter what, who was it St Francis de Sales that said the only way to bring people back to the Catholic Church is through love??? I think that was him.

Anyway, the best thing you can do isn’t argue with her or score cheap debating points, but love, pray, and witness through action. Be ready for her questions but don’t engage in a debate style format, your not going to win her back like that…😊
 
USMC_Convert said:
Ask her straight out, then read up on how the Church cannot be the “Whore or Babylon”. There are many good explanations out there that prove beyond a doubt, but in the end there isn’t much you can do.

Pray, and witness through your life, love her no matter what, who was it St Francis de Sales that said the only way to bring people back to the Catholic Church is through love??? I think that was him.

Anyway, the best thing you can do isn’t argue with her or score cheap debating points, but love, pray, and witness through action. Be ready for her questions but don’t engage in a debate style format, your not going to win her back like that…😊
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I’m not too worried about that, since I rarely talk to her anymore. I DO however pray for her. Sometimes, that’s all you can do. I feel like “whore of Babylon” argument is what someone leans back on what they haven’t got an argument. I don’t think you’re wrong, however. When I was younger, she did do thinks just to spite me. I wonder if it has something to do with that. I never understood why. I also think she confuses my concern for her soul for something it is certainly not.
 
adamhovey1988 said:
This is for future endeavours based on past experiences. A little background; I have an ex girlfriend that was baptized Catholic but was not really raised Catholic. She was going to come into the Church with me, but decided to delay a little bit. Okay then. We went a little while without talking, and then she became very anti-Catholic. Back when I had a Facebook (I’ve known her since before the general public was even aware of Facebook) she would comment on my posts and start arguments with me. I even had priests helping me in debates with her. One thing that baffles me is that she never would (to the best of my knowledge, maybe I am reading her wrong) would tell me what the problem she had with the Church was. Just the “whore of Babylon” type spiel and the like. I ask y’all this, because if I am ever confronting her again (I don’t really talk to her anymore, but I live close to her, so it may or may not happen), I would like to know how to get what her problem is with the Catholic Church out of her. I admit, I was not exactly a good example as a Catholic, but if it weren’t for he (oddly) I wouldn’t even be Catholic to begin with. (I put this here under evangelization instead of apologetics as there was really no topic under apologetics that fit, and since it does have to do with sharing the faith, I thought evangelization appropriate)
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yes, ask her if you get the chance, if she won’t tell you, then let it go

like with most other topics, if the person doesn’t want to talk about it, then just drop it. you won’t win her back to the church by forcing an argument. just pray for her
 
I’m sorry but I don’t subscribe to the school of thought that every question either needs or deserves an answer. Any question can be asked but if the other party eithers feels uncomfortable or is unwilling to respond then both parties should recognize that either the friendship / relationship is going nowhere or was never there.

If you were married then my answer would most likely be different.

I have been the recieptant of many a type of question such as the one you proposed (mostly personal and things I haven’t talked about in forty years or so). I was always my wish that family and friends would learn boundaries and respect them. I used to answer these highly personal questions with answers like “I forgot”, “I don’t want to talk about this now or ever”, and finally with total silence. With the first I was called either a liar or having a utterly poor memory, the second with “I’m your (Mother, Sister, Brother, or friend) and you can be honest with me and you can tell me anything” (The best kept secret is one held by one person or two people if the other person is dead). By total silence on my part speculation ran rampant. This is why my contact with my family is minimal at best. If I told the questioner that “It’s none of your business.” Then I would be considered rude.

In my case I learned that people cannot accept some harsh truth and will hold it against you for the rest of your life. The is no gracious way for you friend that it is none of business. Accept it for what it is and move on.

I think that best course (assuming you want to keep some sort of relationship with her). Is to let it lay. Pushing the issue will only cause irreparable harm that a relationship cannot bear up to.

You have said your question and it was met by a refusal to talk about it. I think that it is time to be an adult and respect the other party’s feeling and accept the answer with no further question, recriminations, opinions, and thought.

If you continue with this you’ll lose a friend.

The call is yours

PS: I someone asked you what your salary is. Would you answer?
 
adamhovey1988 said:
This is for future endeavours based on past experiences. A little background; I have an ex girlfriend that was baptized Catholic but was not really raised Catholic. She was going to come into the Church with me, but decided to delay a little bit. Okay then. We went a little while without talking, and then she became very anti-Catholic. Back when I had a Facebook (I’ve known her since before the general public was even aware of Facebook) she would comment on my posts and start arguments with me. I even had priests helping me in debates with her. One thing that baffles me is that she never would (to the best of my knowledge, maybe I am reading her wrong) would tell me what the problem she had with the Church was. Just the “whore of Babylon” type spiel and the like. I ask y’all this, because if I am ever confronting her again (I don’t really talk to her anymore, but I live close to her, so it may or may not happen), I would like to know how to get what her problem is with the Catholic Church out of her. I admit, I was not exactly a good example as a Catholic, but if it weren’t for he (oddly) I wouldn’t even be Catholic to begin with. (I put this here under evangelization instead of apologetics as there was really no topic under apologetics that fit, and since it does have to do with sharing the faith, I thought evangelization appropriate)
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With respect, it is not for you to confront her on her beliefs, then argue them. It is for God to ultimately confront us all.

Her reasons are to be respected as private, and then not pushed for revelation. That may be one big can of worms not ready to be opened.

Pray for her. We are called to imitate Jesus Christ. Would He have spoken this way, or confronted and argued with one girl?

What would Jesus have done? Are you imitating Him in shining His light outward?
 
Namwalker said:
I’m sorry but I don’t subscribe to the school of thought that every question either needs or deserves an answer. Any question can be asked but if the other party eithers feels uncomfortable or is unwilling to respond then both parties should recognize that either the friendship / relationship is going nowhere or was never there.

If you were married then my answer would most likely be different.

I have been the recieptant of many a type of question such as the one you proposed (mostly personal and things I haven’t talked about in forty years or so). I was always my wish that family and friends would learn boundaries and respect them. I used to answer these highly personal questions with answers like “I forgot”, “I don’t want to talk about this now or ever”, and finally with total silence. With the first I was called either a liar or having a utterly poor memory, the second with “I’m your (Mother, Sister, Brother, or friend) and you can be honest with me and you can tell me anything” (The best kept secret is one held by one person or two people if the other person is dead). By total silence on my part speculation ran rampant. This is why my contact with my family is minimal at best.

In my case I learned that people cannot accept some harsh truth and will hold it against you for the rest of your life.

I think that best course (assuming you want to keep some sort of relationship with her). Is to let it lay. Pushing the issue will only cause irreparable harm that a relationship cannot bear up to.

You have said your question and it was met by a refusal to talk about it. I think that it is time to be an adult and respect the other party’s feeling and accept the answer with no further question, recriminations, opinions, and thought.

If you continue with this you’ll lose a friend.

The call is yours

PS: I someone asked you what your salary is. Would you answer?
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I’m sorry but I don’t answer non sequiturs
 
Roseeurekacross said:
With respect, it is not for you to confront her on her beliefs, then argue them. It is for God to ultimately confront us all.

Her reasons are to be respected as private, and then not pushed for revelation. That may be one big can of worms not ready to be opened.

Pray for her. We are called to imitate Jesus Christ. Would He have spoken this way, or confronted and argued with one girl?

What would Jesus have done? Are you imitating Him in shining His light outward?
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I’ve noticed that pretty much everyone here has failed to understand that it started by her attacking my beliefs not the other way around.
 
I think people are confused, this isn’t about this woman in particular it is about people who have this issue in general if someone brings it up and starts calling the Church the whore of Babylon and won’t tell why they left the church how are we supposed to find out why? It is really difficult to dialogue with someone if they won’t tell you why they hold the position they do. I should like to say I actually get along much better with my Sunni Muslim friend than I do with people who are former Catholics
 
adamhovey1988 said:
I’m sorry but I don’t answer non sequiturs
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Since I don’t know Latin - should I consider this an insult or an attempt to hide behind an out of use language that is used regulary by the church or lawyers.

But you have shown that you cannot accept an opinion that is different from yours.

My response to your querry was based upon a known sequence of events whereas your initial question was based upon your supposition that you needed an answer to something where you imposition is clearly not wanted. At least that is my understanding from the minimal facts that you have summoned up for public consumption…

Be well…
 
I have a feeling that it could be due to hurt. Sexual assault, identifying as lgbt, knowing someone who is assaulted by a priest etc etc. These are some a person might not want to say out loud. So don’t push her.

Fr Mike Schmitz in his talk about homosexuality (but it can be applied to other stuff) is to not jump straight into defending the faith with logic first, but to listen and be empathetic. Pretty hard for you to do if she doesn’t want to open up, but admitting that the church has sometimes failed to be a solace for hurt people can be a good start. Let her know that you care for her, instead of just winning an argument. Be interested in her life if possible. If I see a guy who is only interested in why i left so he can tell me why I’m wrong…I don’t know. I would not be interested in any conversation at all.
 
adamhovey1988 said:
This is for future endeavours based on past experiences. A little background; I have an ex girlfriend that was baptized Catholic but was not really raised Catholic. She was going to come into the Church with me, but decided to delay a little bit. Okay then. We went a little while without talking, and then she became very anti-Catholic. Back when I had a Facebook (I’ve known her since before the general public was even aware of Facebook) she would comment on my posts and start arguments with me. I even had priests helping me in debates with her. One thing that baffles me is that she never would (to the best of my knowledge, maybe I am reading her wrong) would tell me what the problem she had with the Church was. Just the “whore of Babylon” type spiel and the like. I ask y’all this, because if I am ever confronting her again (I don’t really talk to her anymore, but I live close to her, so it may or may not happen), I would like to know how to get what her problem is with the Catholic Church out of her. I admit, I was not exactly a good example as a Catholic, but if it weren’t for he (oddly) I wouldn’t even be Catholic to begin with. (I put this here under evangelization instead of apologetics as there was really no topic under apologetics that fit, and since it does have to do with sharing the faith, I thought evangelization appropriate)
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I can’t say a whole lot, not knowing her, but I applaud you for your interest in listening – oftentimes people in your situation are only interested in talking and not listening to the other person.
 
adamhovey1988 said:
This is for future endeavours based on past experiences. A little background; I have an ex girlfriend that was baptized Catholic but was not really raised Catholic. She was going to come into the Church with me, but decided to delay a little bit. Okay then. We went a little while without talking, and then she became very anti-Catholic. Back when I had a Facebook (I’ve known her since before the general public was even aware of Facebook) she would comment on my posts and start arguments with me. I even had priests helping me in debates with her. One thing that baffles me is that she never would (to the best of my knowledge, maybe I am reading her wrong) would tell me what the problem she had with the Church was. Just the “whore of Babylon” type spiel and the like. I ask y’all this, because if I am ever confronting her again (I don’t really talk to her anymore, but I live close to her, so it may or may not happen), I would like to know how to get what her problem is with the Catholic Church out of her. I admit, I was not exactly a good example as a Catholic, but if it weren’t for he (oddly) I wouldn’t even be Catholic to begin with. (I put this here under evangelization instead of apologetics as there was really no topic under apologetics that fit, and since it does have to do with sharing the faith, I thought evangelization appropriate)
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By you’re Catholic example and PRAY much for her

GBY
 
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