How do Catholics deal with

[Catholic361]

Not sure where to post this so please don’t flag .

How do I deal with persuasion of our faith? I was persecuted by my boyfriend for our faith even though I have and am teaching Justin about our faith because he didn’t understand until I explained that we believe that we aren’t any better than others and that we need god as much as him. He has since apologized for his actions and misunderstanding. I am now going through the creed and other books I have to help him understand better. I plan on going through “why we are Catholic” by Trent Horn and" Recovering Catholicism " and "The four signs of a Dynamic Catholic: How engaging 1% of Catholics could change the world and Rediscovering Jesus
both by Matthew Kelly as well as the Biblical roots of the mass by Thomas J. Nash , I plan on starting with the Biblical roots of the mass frist. I
have a feeling that I will be persecuted again but I am asking how should I handle it if/and when I come up against persecuted again?

 

[TheLittleLady]

How do you define “persecution”? The reason I ask, the way I’d define persecution is hostility, and if Justin is treating you with hostility you need to stay away from him. That is a red flag and it is not something one friend does to another.

 

[Catholic361]

It was verbal persecution he felt,I was telling him "that he was going to hell and that I wasn’t "simply because he didn’t understand our beliefs at frist . He has since been receptive to my helping him understand our beliefs better.

 

[1ke]

how should I handle it if/and when I come up against persecuted again?

You’ve been posting a lot about your boyfriend lately, and he’s got a lot of problems bigger than you: depression, suicidal ideation, and his feelings towards God.

You are not a one woman fix it program, try to remember that. He may not even be in a place where a romantic relationship is healthy for him.

I would encourage you to urge him towards some professional counseling and talking with a priest or inquiring through RCIA regarding the faith.

Your intentions are noble, but you introduce some imbalanced dynamics and expectations into the relationship with your goals of going through all these Catholic books with him and trying to teach him the faith that you yourself are new to.

He sounds like he has lots of issues. He may not be the best option for you as far as boyfriends go, either.

Think about your past and current relationships and whether you tend to get into relationships with people who are needy, dependent, or in need of “saving”. That is the type of person your boyfriend sounds like in his current situation.

I’m not sure I’d care to be in the business of defending myself and my faith from persecution of someone who is supposed to care about me. I’d be more likely to see that for the red flag it is and let him know he’s a good person but not the right person for me.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

In my experience, trying to teach a significant other about the faith in this manner of going through books is not a good thing to do. If the person has a question about the faith, you should briefly answer. If the person wants to read a book on it, then you give them the book and leave them alone to read it. If they then decide they are really interested and want to know more, it’s time to direct them to RCIA.

There are dynamics in a relationship that make it better for a third party to step in and be the “teacher”. You can set a good example and answer an occasional question, but trying to be your boyfriend’s catechist is likely to just lead to conflicts, especially since he is dealing with so many other things.

 

[Catholic361]

I have finally encountered him enough to get counseling for his problems after a lot of helping him see that he needs it . I understand what you are saying about having someone else talk with him about it. But I don’t know if 1. He would be receptive to my suggestion of RCIA and the program in my parish lasts for two years and 2. We have been talking about things and he wants to marry me (I didn’t encourage this) I’m just trying to be there for him and help him to understand that he is worth fighting for himself and that myself and others care about him . We are going to be setting up a meeting to talk with his family and others for him to let his family know that he wants counseling.

I would like to go to Adoration and Mass with him but I haven’t even asked him , we are going to talk together tonight.

 

[Dlee]

I think you have taken on such a huge responsibility and you’re trying to do too much too soon, too fast. You cannot change him - he is who he is and has to want to change. Behavioral, mental, spiritual, relationship - that’s an awful lot to work on. Also think some of your word choices are too strong - such as persecution. Slow down, meet with a third party, get counseling underway. He probably is feeling like everything including the kitchen sink is being thrown at him at one time.

 

[Catholic361]

Yes I’m helping him with talking with him and letting him know that he needs to set up a meeting with his case manager for the state we live in to help him talk to his family about how he feels that he needs counseling and he wants me and others there to help him explain why he feels he needs it and that we are willing to help him explain to his family.

 

[TheLittleLady]

Do not ever date a person, let alone marry a person, wanting/expecting/desiring for them to change.

 

[1ke]

But I don’t know if 1. He would be receptive to my suggestion of RCIA and the program in my parish lasts for two years

Then leave him alone about religion. If he asks a specific question— why do Catholics pray to saints for example— give him a link to an answer and go on about your day.

have been talking about things and he wants to marry me (I didn’t encourage this)

Back it up. He’s in no position to be talking about marriage with you. This is a warning sign.

I’m just trying to be there for him and help him to understand that he is worth fighting for himself and that myself and others care about him .

You are being sucked in to a caretaker role that is not yours to fulfill.

He has a lot of problems it sounds like. He has a caseworker, indicating long term, complex mental health issues, addiction issues, and/or trouble with the law.

That is not a person you date. That is a person that you can perhaps be friends with if you set firm boundaries.

are going to be setting up a meeting to talk with his family and others for him to let his family know that he wants counseling.

“We”?

You are getting in the middle of something that frankly you shouldn’t be. Let his caseworker handle things.

 

[Catholic361]

I’m only trying to help him to understand our beliefs better and he wants and is eager to learn more. Like I said he wants to marry me someday, he told me this I did not encourage this he feels like I understand his feelings and to some extent I do understand what he is going through emotionally because I have been in his place. But I don’t know how he would react to my suggestion of RCIA, I also have encouraged him to talk with my priest about these things and I also told him that catholic priests aren’t allowed to divulge any thing that he tells him. I told him that i think that my priest can’t tell others about what he talks with him about (please correct me if I’m wrong) he asked me if my priest would need to tell his family about what they talk about I told him that he wouldn’t be able to tell his family about what he tells my priest they would be talking face to face. Did I give him the incorrect information?

 

[1ke]

I also told him that catholic priests aren’t allowed to divulge any thing that he tells him. I told him that i think that my priest can’t tell others about what he talks with him about (please correct me if I’m wrong)

Well in general if someone goes to a priest for counseling they can expect the same kind of confidentiality as any other counselor they might visit. But there is no absolute guarantee, as a priest might be bound by whatever mandatory reporting laws are in place in his state. And he might be bound by ethics as far as calling authorities for a welfare committal to a mental health facility in the case of threatening suicide or something like that.

The seal of confession does not apply to general counseling. It applies only to confession.

But your boyfriend can talk to the priest about God and the priest isn’t going to talk about what they talked about with others.

he asked me if my priest would need to tell his family about what they talk about

I don’t know why he would.

Unless your boyfriend is a minor or under legal adult guardianship, it’s not his family’s business what he does.

I don’t really understand the several references you have made to needing to talk to his family on his behalf or convince them regarding counseling. If I’ve read your other posts correctly you are in your 30s so I assume he is at least that age.

What is all this angst around his family?

How would the priest even know who his family is?

 

[Catholic361]

His family is hard core against him getting counseling . In the state we live in he has the right to request a meeting to discuss the matter with his family (sister) who is against any counseling but he feels that he needs it, which I understand we both know that she is going to try and block him from getting counseling and in the state we live in nobody has the right to block someone who wants counseling from getting it . His sister is his guardian but this still won’t allow her to block his request for it. So myself and others are going to bat for him to be able to get what he wants and feels he needs.

 

[1ke]

His sister is his guardian but this still won’t allow her to block his request for it. So myself and others are going to bat for him to be able to get what he wants and feels he needs.

Your boyfriend has a guardian and a case manager and is an adult.

This is not a person to be dating or marrying.

You may be doing more harm than good getting in the middle of things. I encourage you to step back and move on. He has serious problems.

What part of “I’m an adult man with a legal guardian and a case manager” said to you “get romantically involved with this guy”? Whatever part of you was drawn to that cray cray needs some perspective of a third party in and of itself.

 

[aroosi]

Sorry for being blunt but from what you are writing in your posts I don’t think your boyfriend is right now in the right state of mind to be in a healthy relationship with an other person and even more so in a marriage.

 

[PennyinCanada]

We have been talking about things and he wants to marry me

If I met a guy on a first date and found out that he wasn’t Catholic, has a guardian and case manager, has depression and suicide thoughts, I would be moving on to find someone else. Why are you allowing yourself to be pulled into this situation?

Sometimes when there’s a bunch of red flags happening, a great distraction from all the problems is to say ‘I’d like to marry you’. That may draw the person in more, and get them motivated to fix things and stay longer, get more attached.

“I’d like to marry you” is not the positive you think it is. Get out of there.

 

[EndTimes]

How do you define “persecution”? The reason I ask, the way I’d define persecution is hostility, and if Justin is treating you with hostility you need to stay away from him. That is a red flag and it is not something one friend does to another.

Exactly

Christians have been persecuted for 2000 years,
and we don’t need to remain too close with AntiChristians

 

[PennyinCanada]

When you continue on with someone who is not a good match for you, time is going by, and your time to meet other people is getting eaten up. Time you can’t get back.
It’s healthy to realize problems are bigger than you can fix and move on. That’s what successful dating looks like.

 

[Catholic361]

He has told me that he is Christian. You might be right about being too close in to the situation. Like I have said I have not encouraged what he wants to do which is marry me . He has also told me that he likes skull wallpaper for his phone and as you can probably tell I’m not thrilled about this.
I don’t like the idea of it. I have encouraged him to possibly have something else on his phone but that just got him upset. I don’t really know for sure if he is a Christian he does go a church that speaks Marshallese and he and others that end up going don’t understand the service so they end up playing games on their phones during the service which isn’t correct but they don’t have an interpreter a lot of the time so that’s what ends up happening.
He has gone to my parents church and participated in the service and even taken communion with them and he understands why I don’t partake. I just want him to understand that I care about him and that I’m there to listen if he needs to talk.

Would it be a good idea to invite him to go to mass with me some time? He understands why he wouldn’t be able to take the Eucharist but he also knows that he can participate in the rest of the mass .

 

[1ke]

Like I have said I have not encouraged what he wants to do which is marry me

Well, yeah, you have. By dating him. Which is by definition a romantic relationship designed to progress towards marriage.

Would it be a good idea to invite him to go to mass with me some time?

It would be a good time to stop dating him, and get some distance and some counseling for why you find all of this attractive.