How do i argue against immodest modeling?

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littledrummrboy

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My girlfriend is a model, she started modeling about the same time we started dating (over 10 months ago) and her “career” has escalated since then. We are both 17 and seniors in a Catholic high school. She has wanted to be a model ever since she was little, she has always been naturally skinny and very beautiful, and she grew up listening to people tell her she would be a model someday. Her parents have only encouraged her on this path. And from the one time I actually instigated a conversation between them and her about her modesty in modeling, they basically came out saying they would rather her be impure than have her modeling ‘career’ ruined. They have spent thousands of dollars on this for her (they dont have a lot of money, either (her mom was one of those people who went and got food stamps in a BMW, although they dont have it any more)) and see it more as an investment than anything.

When she first started modeling, it worried me, and I almost never asked her out because of it. I eventually convinced myself that it would probably just be a minor thing and it wouldnt be bad since it was just a local agency. Boy was i wrong! She wont even show me half the pictures from her first photo shoot! She has done runway shows, photo shoots, etc. and a few of them were, to put it nicely, less than modest. Now she has been asked to fly to LA (we live in kansas - NOT together) to do test shoots and castings for Vision LA (dont google them, there are very bad links on their website). I’ve talked to her a lot about immodesty and how it can harm others, not just her soul. I’ve also explained the impacts of impure modeling on guys and the problems it causes. We’ve had our own share of the negative consequences in our relationship. It’s tough to be pure when you are in an industry in which you are impure(luckily we’re both still virgins) and we are dealing with this. However, she is still pro-modeling the way she does it. I had convinced her finally about modesty and why its bad and all that, and then she came to me crying (which is in no way fair to me, i hate to see her cry) because she was asked to be in a special scene in the graduation runway show for models that were more likely to be picked by the judges for call backs and stuff, and it involved an immodest outfit. I told her to do what she thought she should do. She did it anyway, and got a bunch of call backs including Vision LA. (man do i regret not saying no). She claims that she is able to say no if she’s asked to model anything immodest, but she is going to be there by herself (her parents can’t afford to miss work to go with her, and even if i could go, they would be against it because they know im against her modeling) and I find it hard to believe her when she says that, and, very unfortuneately, she has lost my trust as far as modeling goes, because she consistently wants to do more and more (immodesty) and has confirmed my belief that there would be a lot of deception in an industry like that (i wont go into details). Since the decision to go to LA Ive talked to her a lot, and I have made her cry (but i didnt cave this time, i learned my lesson), and explained what her modeling does to me, and eventually she decided not to go, but only because of how i felt, not the reasons i was arguing with her about, which made me even more frustrated. Then her parents decided they would force her to go…
well, that hurt a little, but I haven’t given up
I’ve run out of ideas on convincing her… She has come somewhat to my side of it, but her parents are turning me into the bad guy, and it feels like she is slipping away. So now, not only do I have to convince her, I have to convince her parents that there are problems with her modeling, because even if i can convince her of the real reasons she needs to quit doing what she is doing, her parents will make her persist in it.
Does anybody have any advice? :confused:

I agree that modeling is neutral in essence, but in today’s society one is hard pressed to find a modeling platform that is not impure in ways. It is true that sex sells, and this can be seen in EVERY part of our society today, not just modeling or advertising; it’s in movies, tv shows, music, and now are society promotes premarital sex, and kids grow up with this mind set, being exposed to this practically from birth. Many teenage girls today get confidence from knowing they look ‘sexy’, rather than knowing they are loved for who they are. Have you seen the way 10 year old girls dress these days? If a 30 year old walked down a street dressed like that in my town they would get arrested! The impact of modeling on people today, especially the young, is the fault of many, but mainly on the industries that promote it and the people involved, models per say.

CCC 2284-87 & 2520-2533
 
Is she Catholic? Are you involved with your youth ministry at the Parish? Good peer pressure from a strong youth program is a GOOD thing.
 
Yeah, we’re both Catholic and involved in our school with clubs and stuff and we hang out with good Catholic friends and are in honors courses (including religion: morality, apologetics, etc…) It just seems that she seems to lose her principles when we arent around. (i.e. when she is modeling, im not there, and she’s the only Catholic one)
 
Take it from a 62-year-old granny, get out of this relationship now. You will be pounding your head against this brick wall, for what? Is this someone you would want to marry and have your children? You are trying to be her “savior.” If she quit right now, she would just end up blaming you the rest of her life for ruining all the wonderful chances she could have had. What would that bring you? But who listens to old ladies.
 
Ive considered that too… but I dont know if that would just make it worse for me though, It kills me to see people slip away like that… It also seems like the “easy way out” for me anyway, at least selfish…and I cant even imagine what it would do to her.

I dont want her to quit modeling, I just want her to do it in a pure, modest way. I did want her to quit for a time, but I realized its selfish and she would resent me for it for the rest of her life. She would quit if i asked her to, but thats not what I want and i know we would be worse off for it

I just want to change the way she sees modeling, and the way she sees herself, for her own good, but its still in the back of my mind to break up with her. I guess its like I’m trying to give her a chance to change.

Thanks for your (name removed by moderator)ut
 
Here are a couple of things I would recommend:

Crystallina Evert’s Book PURE LOVE
www.chastity.com
model4jesus.com

There is another website for modeling that is Christian based but I cannot locate it right now.

I agree though that you may not be able to turn this around. If that is the case, you will need to walk away from this relationship. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t still be her friend and support her if this goes sour. But you need to protect yourself and stand by your beliefs. Sacrificing your beliefs is NEVER the right choice.

Much prayer to you and yours!
 
You seem very mature for your age and you do seem to care alot for this girl. However, at 17, her parents should be taken to task for allowing this for their daughter. You can only do so much. I would have to agree with granny that this relationship would only cause you grief. With her parents on her side you are backed up against a wall. If she is willing to pose for immodest photo shoots in lieu of your feelings, then what does that tell you? Is her “dream” worth that much? There are many very beautiful girls who will not sell their souls for the glamour or money of this tyoe of modeling. I live in L.A. and I worked at the CNN building in Hollywood for a while. I saw what came in for photo shoots. It presented a near occasion of sin for me just to be around them. It’s like a meat market and it is really sad to see how competetive it is and how hard these girls try to get the parts or poses for certain magazines.

My friend, while I tip my hat to you for trying to lead this young lady in the right direction you must move on or you will be set up for further grief. You can stay friends with her and continue to give her brotherly advice but to think that you guys can move forward with her stubborness for this lifestyle is futile. You will be unfair to yourself. She is old enough to make choices and so are you.

She may be beautiful on the outside and I know that it is hard for you to see her cry but you are beautiful on the inside and this must bring you tears. Does she seem to mind?

You cannot change the world. You can only be that change that you wish to see in others. But if others won’t change then you must pray about it and follow your conscience…I’m an almost 50 year old fuddy-duddy but that just means that I’ve got 33 more years of seeing where this has led others…teachccd
 
littledrummrboy said:
Ive considered that too… but I dont know if that would just make it worse for me though, It kills me to see people slip away like that… It also seems like the “easy way out” for me anyway, at least selfish…and I cant even imagine what it would do to her.

I dont want her to quit modeling, I just want her to do it in a pure, modest way. I did want her to quit for a time, but I realized its selfish and she would resent me for it for the rest of her life. She would quit if i asked her to, but thats not what I want and i know we would be worse off for it

I just want to change the way she sees modeling, and the way she sees herself, for her own good, but its still in the back of my mind to break up with her. I guess its like I’m trying to give her a chance to change.

Thanks for your (name removed by moderator)ut
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You are fooling yourself, my friend. Love blinds us to so much. When you speak of being selfish does it occur to you that she knows what your thoughts are about what she does? Does she seem to care? You are so concerned for her that you are neglecting to see her lack of concern for you and your morals.

I really don’t mean for this to sound harsh. I really don’t and I wish that my daughter will meet someone like you someday. But please do not put yourself in a position where it is only a matter of time when jealousy steps in and you realize who is viewing these pictures. There must be some kind of drive for her to be wanting these kinds of poses. You can continue to try and change her but dating is not supposed to be a fix it shop. Dating is to confirm your compatiblity and grow together with the intent of getting married. You can show this girl charity and concern but do not set yourself up for the fall.

Perhaps you can date her again AFTER she makes better choices concerning her career. But, for now, she made her choice and it does not coincide with your morality. My prayers are with you guys. You seem like a great young man who cares a great deal for this girl. It’s such a shame that she doesn’t think likewise…teachccd
 
littledrummrboy said:
Yeah, we’re both Catholic and involved in our school with clubs and stuff and we hang out with good Catholic friends and are in honors courses (including religion: morality, apologetics, etc…) It just seems that she seems to lose her principles when we arent around. (i.e. when she is modeling, im not there, and she’s the only Catholic one)
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You can’t lose something unless you have it. Principles do not teeter back and forth. That is not what a principle is. My principles become who I am whether or not I am with others. Principles are the core by which all of your actions are manifested. Please pray about this…
 
If the parents are forcing her to do things which make her feel sexually vulnerable then that is called sexual coercion and it is a crime. No parents have that right. She can be scarred forever if they keep doing that. I am not competent to give you advice how to prevent that, but I’m betting a wise and experienced priest - if you can find one - would. Same for a counsellor or a social worker or someone like that, but obviously a Catholic or at least Christian one.

Further, if she won’t show you pictures which she has posed to, then there is something very wrong going in her life. It means she’s genuinely ashamed of those and they are going where? Covers? Posters? That girl’s getting hurt. And she’s getting hurt by her own parents. Someone needs to intervene there.
 
I am afraid you are not going to convince her. You may have planted a seed that will develop later but now is the time for you to move on.
 
This girl needs to stop modeling. Modeling itself may not be intrinsically evil, but pure and modest modeling in today’s society is an oxymoron. It’s just not a healthy profession; that much value should never be placed on a person’s appearance.

It sounds to me like she’s only doing it because of her parents’ coercion. If you’re going to pressure your child into doing something, at least make it a doctor or engineer or something. 😃

Her parents need to be straightened out. Does she have grandparents or godparents or any other family members who have a problem with this?

You’re in a sticky situation. If you ask her to stop modeling, her parents will hate you and she may resent it later on. If she continues on this path, I fear she will lose all sense of moral direction.

If you haven’t already, you should discuss this with your parish priest.
 
chevalier said:
Further, if she won’t show you pictures which she has posed to, then there is something very wrong going in her life. It means she’s genuinely ashamed of those and they are going where? Covers? Posters? That girl’s getting hurt. And she’s getting hurt by her own parents. Someone needs to intervene there.
Click to expand...
i am addressing this post to the OP
maybe those pictures she won’t show should be seen by her parents…
if ishe is indeed too ashamed to show you the pictures ,that may be a good place to start as in why would she be ashamed to show those pictures…
 
May I suggest looking at this website…

purefashion.com/

Not that your girlfriend should do this persay, or that she will be paid, but this definitely gives a good example of how modeling should be.

Your girlfriend should also know about the rigors and competition of the modeling industry.

allpurposemodel.com/2007/02/how-to-be-successful-model-if-you-are.html

Her family should probably not have spent thousands of dollars on photo shoots and such. It probably would have been much better to save that money for a college education than gambling it on a ‘career’ that may amount to nothing.

I also had an acquaintance who tried modeling. She initially was successful and got a couple photo shoots but then hasnt found a job since. She is depressed and bulimic. She also has weird parents (they would not let her go to counseling to correct these problems), too.

It seems in the fashion industry there are many dangers. I would advise your girlfriend to look into them.
 
littledrummrboy said:
My girlfriend is a model, she started modeling about the same time we started dating (over 10 months ago) and her “career” has escalated since then. We are both 17 and seniors in a Catholic high school. She has wanted to be a model ever since she was little, she has always been naturally skinny and very beautiful, and she grew up listening to people tell her she would be a model someday. Her parents have only encouraged her on this path. And from the one time I actually instigated a conversation between them and her about her modesty in modeling, they basically came out saying they would rather her be impure than have her modeling ‘career’ ruined. They have spent thousands of dollars on this for her (they dont have a lot of money, either (her mom was one of those people who went and got food stamps in a BMW, although they dont have it any more)) and see it more as an investment than anything.

When she first started modeling, it worried me, and I almost never asked her out because of it. I eventually convinced myself that it would probably just be a minor thing and it wouldnt be bad since it was just a local agency. Boy was i wrong! She wont even show me half the pictures from her first photo shoot! She has done runway shows, photo shoots, etc. and a few of them were, to put it nicely, less than modest. Now she has been asked to fly to LA (we live in kansas - NOT together) to do test shoots and castings for Vision LA (dont google them, there are very bad links on their website). I’ve talked to her a lot about immodesty and how it can harm others, not just her soul. I’ve also explained the impacts of impure modeling on guys and the problems it causes. We’ve had our own share of the negative consequences in our relationship. It’s tough to be pure when you are in an industry in which you are impure(luckily we’re both still virgins) and we are dealing with this. However, she is still pro-modeling the way she does it. I had convinced her finally about modesty and why its bad and all that, and then she came to me crying (which is in no way fair to me, i hate to see her cry) because she was asked to be in a special scene in the graduation runway show for models that were more likely to be picked by the judges for call backs and stuff, and it involved an immodest outfit. I told her to do what she thought she should do. She did it anyway, and got a bunch of call backs including Vision LA. (man do i regret not saying no). She claims that she is able to say no if she’s asked to model anything immodest, but she is going to be there by herself (her parents can’t afford to miss work to go with her, and even if i could go, they would be against it because they know im against her modeling) and I find it hard to believe her when she says that, and, very unfortuneately, she has lost my trust as far as modeling goes, because she consistently wants to do more and more (immodesty) and has confirmed my belief that there would be a lot of deception in an industry like that (i wont go into details). Since the decision to go to LA Ive talked to her a lot, and I have made her cry (but i didnt cave this time, i learned my lesson), and explained what her modeling does to me, and eventually she decided not to go, but only because of how i felt, not the reasons i was arguing with her about, which made me even more frustrated. Then her parents decided they would force her to go…
well, that hurt a little, but I haven’t given up
I’ve run out of ideas on convincing her… She has come somewhat to my side of it, but her parents are turning me into the bad guy, and it feels like she is slipping away. So now, not only do I have to convince her, I have to convince her parents that there are problems with her modeling, because even if i can convince her of the real reasons she needs to quit doing what she is doing, her parents will make her persist in it.
Does anybody have any advice? :confused:

I agree that modeling is neutral in essence, but in today’s society one is hard pressed to find a modeling platform that is not impure in ways. It is true that sex sells, and this can be seen in EVERY part of our society today, not just modeling or advertising; it’s in movies, tv shows, music, and now are society promotes premarital sex, and kids grow up with this mind set, being exposed to this practically from birth. Many teenage girls today get confidence from knowing they look ‘sexy’, rather than knowing they are loved for who they are. Have you seen the way 10 year old girls dress these days? If a 30 year old walked down a street dressed like that in my town they would get arrested! The impact of modeling on people today, especially the young, is the fault of many, but mainly on the industries that promote it and the people involved, models per say.

CCC 2284-87 & 2520-2533
Click to expand...
I’m having problems understanding what you mean by “immodest modelling”. Are we talking modeling that is to sell clothes? (this is what it sounds like if she is on catwalks etc). Or modeling to arouse men?
 
yeah its clothes, jewelry, etc

thanks to everyone for their replies, they are greatly appreciated
 
littledrummrboy said:
yeah its clothes, jewelry, etc

thanks to everyone for their replies, they are greatly appreciated
Click to expand...
ok. well it sounds like you (and many of the others on this thread) are over reacting a bit.

If the purpose of the modelling is to show clothes and jewlery in a flattering light (and not to arouse the opposite sex), then I really can’t see a problem.

There is really nothing wrong with displaying the human body in this manner.
 
the problem with it is that they use the arousal by means of immoral poses and insinuations and outfits possibly even partial to full nudity (very unlikely) depending on the market ends up in
 
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