How do I arrange for an outdoor wedding for an interfaith marriage?

[MushuJanine]

I am a bride who was raised Protestant, my fiance was raised Catholic. We fell in love with this charming courtyard in the middle of a hotel for the site of our ceremony. To please his parents we would like our marriage to be recognized by the Catholic Church but we need a dispensation in order to do this.

I have received conflicted responses to whether this can be done. The lead priest at his parent’s church told the deacon we’ve been working with that we should be able to get a dispensation and that there is some leeway since I am the bride and a non-Catholic. The nun who has been giving us our premarital counseling sessions here where we’re living is supposed to be the one to send off the paperwork to secure a dispensation for us. She told me today that I do not have a good reason to request a dispensation from the Church and therefore I cannot get one.

I asked her what a good reason would have been. She told me that if I was a non-Christian religion such as Buddhist then I could get a dispensation because having the ceremony in a church might be offensive to my faith. I do not believe it is fair that I be considered of a different religion than my fiance (interfaith marriage) but I am not afforded the same consideration that another faith that happens to be non-Christian is.

This leaves us with two options,

1. Our marriage be conducted by a minister and will not be recognized by the Catholic Church, in which any children we have will be considered “bastards” by the Church and will hurt his parents feelings.
2. That we have to get married ahead of time then have a renewal of vows ceremony in the afternoon.

The problem with this second option is the invitations have been sent out and people are expecting a ceremony. The idea that they fly in and miss the biggest part of our day seems rude on our part. I want people to come out to see the real thing, not some poor excuse for a reinactment. I am very flustered right now, the wedding is only a month of away and I need to figure out how I can try and make everyone happy and at the same time stick as close as I can to the original wedding plan as possible.

This is ideally how I planned things to go
1.Catholic Church gives us a dispensation
2. We get married by a Protestant minister in the courtyard with a Catholic deacon there to provide a nuptual blessing.
3. We live happily ever after!

If anyone has been in this situation or can clarify to me what my options are I would be most appreciative!

 

[Michelle_Arnold]

Third option:

1. Get married in a church – either a Catholic church or a Protestant church. If a Protestant church, your fiance will need permission to be married in a non-Catholic ritual at a non-Catholic church.
2. Have the wedding reception in the hotel courtyard.

I think the main problem here is that you and your fiance are treating the “need” to find a “romantic” location for the wedding (“We fell in love with this charming courtyard”) as a more important consideration than being married in a Christian church. You both are Christian. That is why you are being told that you do not have good reason to be married outside of a church. Had one of you been non-Christian, then there would have been reason not to be married in a church.

Weddings are very romantic, no doubt about it. But they should not be treated as an adult version of a senior prom or an ordinary person’s version of a celebrity awards ceremony. The beautiful setting to a wedding increases the joy of the occasion, but the most important reason Christians have for marrying is to enter into a vocation that enables the couple to become saints and to raise a Christian family. For Christians to marry in a church flows from that vocation. Everything else associated with a wedding – such as location, clothes, menu, music, and photographs – is secondary and subordinate to the Christian understanding of sacramental marriage.

Recommended reading:

Is interfaith marriage advisable?