How do I ask my parents to take me to mass?

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terri95

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I’m a Catholic 16 year old but I don’t go to church regularly because my parents aren’t religious. I’ve been wanting to go to church for a long time- for as long as I could remember, actually. I’ve stayed with a friend for a few weeks this summer and their family attends mass every week, and now that I’m back Sundays feel even emptier than they used to. I feel like God is really telling me to go!
But I don’t know how to bring this up to my parents!
The obvious answer to my question would be “just ask them”, but somehow I just can’t- it is more complicated than that.

In my family religion just is not talked about. Actually I feel weird writing this post. My parents have expressed several times their disapproval of the Catholic church and their atheistic views. They have made fun of Christianity several times and once they said that it was all brainwashing. However aren’t exactly anti Catholic. They “kind of” raised me Catholic to keep my grandparents happy- my parents never actually believed it themselves. We go to mass when my grandparents visit, or when my parents feel like it on holidays. I received first communion and attend Catholic high school. I used to go to church camp.

I’m not very close to my parents. I’m usually a quiet,shy person, even at home. I tend to keep a lot of things to myself, I don’t even know if my parents know that I actually believe in God. I argue quite a bit with my parents- (this is why I tend to be quiet at home. The most ordinary conversations turn into arguments!) My parents will wonder why such a troublemaking child who never openly expressed interest in religion would want to go to church.
I’m afraid my parents will misunderstand me and we’ll start an argument over church. Which would be horrible, they will just hate religion more and be more against me going to church.

It’s not that I need a ride to mass. I could walk to church in 20 minutes. But I need to talk to my parents and get them to accept the idea of me going to church weekly- I can’t just disappear for about 2 hours every Sunday!

What do I do?
 
terri95 said:
I’m a Catholic 16 year old but I don’t go to church regularly because my parents aren’t religious. I’ve been wanting to go to church for a long time- for as long as I could remember, actually. I’ve stayed with a friend for a few weeks this summer and their family attends mass every week, and now that I’m back Sundays feel even emptier than they used to. I feel like God is really telling me to go!
But I don’t know how to bring this up to my parents!
The obvious answer to my question would be “just ask them”, but somehow I just can’t- it is more complicated than that.

In my family religion just is not talked about. Actually I feel weird writing this post. My parents have expressed several times their disapproval of the Catholic church and their atheistic views. They have made fun of Christianity several times and once they said that it was all brainwashing. However aren’t exactly anti Catholic. They “kind of” raised me Catholic to keep my grandparents happy- my parents never actually believed it themselves. We go to mass when my grandparents visit, or when my parents feel like it on holidays. I received first communion and attend Catholic high school. I used to go to church camp.

I’m not very close to my parents. I’m usually a quiet,shy person, even at home. I tend to keep a lot of things to myself, I don’t even know if my parents know that I actually believe in God. I argue quite a bit with my parents- (this is why I tend to be quiet at home. The most ordinary conversations turn into arguments!) My parents will wonder why such a troublemaking child who never openly expressed interest in religion would want to go to church.
I’m afraid my parents will misunderstand me and we’ll start an argument over church. Which would be horrible, they will just hate religion more and be more against me going to church.

It’s not that I need a ride to mass. I could walk to church in 20 minutes. But I need to talk to my parents and get them to accept the idea of me going to church weekly- I can’t just disappear for about 2 hours every Sunday!

What do I do?
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Smile, smile and smile. And tell your parents that you want to go to the Mass tomorrow Sunday. Expect the worse. Decide if it is convenient to og or not.

Next week, the same. ans smile and smile. Catholics smile. Be gentle. Your Parents love you. Ask the same question, decide again.

And be patient. And smile. Pray at home as if you were at mass.

Find a breach. Is your mother softer? Talk to her. Give her all kind of reasons so that she may convince your Father.

One day, they’ll give up and let you go. You are not in a terribly bad situation, after all your parents respect the Catholic Church. It seems you are shy, avoid confrontations (which are good, when done in a polite way) and keep yourself in your shell. This is not good. You must learn how to fight for your ideals, while repecting your parents’ love.

Dont despair. I know you will get there. Gott wishing.
 
Flat out ask if it would be convenient.
Well, if worst comes to worst, tell them you’re going on a bike ride (You have a bike, and the Church is within biking distance, right?). If they ask where you went, tell them the truth, and brace yourself.
They probably won’t mind, right? 😉
And if they tell you not to go anymore, obey (4th commandment)!👍
 
Also, don’t worry about arguments. Dodge them for now, but after you’ve learned about the Church, you’ll have 2,000 years of knowledge behind you! :cool:
 
You are in a very tough position at a tough age. We are called to honor our parents but they are putting your soul in danger by not taking you to Mass and by setting a bad example. Fortunately you are hearing God’s call. Just know that you are right and your parents could not be more wrong. Pray for them and pray for the strength to ask to go to Mass. If they don’t believe that is where you want to go tell them to come with you so you can prove it. If they say no this week ask again next week and every week until you turn 18. It is not like you are asking to do something immoral.Don’t let it turn into an argument! If they say no, right now you must humbly accept it. Do you have a way to at least watch Mass at home on TV? God knows you want to be there. Do not let them convince you that their disbelief is right.

Usually when someone claims that Christianity is brainwashing they have an addiction that violates the morals taught by the church and do not wish to fight it. So because their addiction does not fit in with the morals taught all of a sudden it becomes brainwashing. Do not accuse your parents of this because it will only cause more problems at home.

You say that most of your conversations become arguments… what do you fight about? Pray for humility and the insight to step back and see what starts the arguments. Pray for the wisdom to stop the fights before they start. Sixteen is not an easy age.

Most of all please never lose the longing for Mass. If your parents refuse to let you attend Mass know that you only have 2 years until you are free to do as you wish. If you must, spend an hour every Sunday praying in your room. While we must honor our parents this is not something to listen to them about. First give all the glory and honor to our true Father in Heaven. Some day soon you will be free to attend church. Think of the love and appreciation you will have for it when you are able to go. You and your parents are in my prayers.
 
You could try to email the parish priest for advice. They are often a great person to talk to, even if just by email. (If email is available of course…check the parish website or diocese website)
 
This is a possible approach based on what your family seems like.

At dinner or after, some time you can get a few calm moments, say “Mom and Dad, I’d like to ask you something.” Without alot of long explanations, because as you say they may be shocked or confused just at the very idea, simply state you would like to attend Mass.

Then they will have some things to ask and say, and hopefully it will not be an argument, but if it is, if that’s how your family communicates, don’t worry, don’t escalate it yourself, just try to keep coming back to the same point, “Unless you have some serious objection, I would like to go to Mass.” Another that might help: “Lots of girls my age might be getting into some sort of trouble, and I am only asking to go to church.”

If they demand why, and you find it hard to articulate that God is calling you, it’s OK to just say you like it there and it feels positive and peaceful. Or you like to hear the scripture readings. STICK TO SHORT ANSWERS.

When they are sort of wavering, glancing at each other as if to say, “Hmm, what should we do with this daughter, is this going to be a problem?” You offer, “I would like it if you could give me a ride, but if you would be inconvenienced, I’m willing to walk.”

After every answer you give, stop talking and let them react. Don’t ramble on and on. They might say nothing, might rant and rave, or just have a question.

Hopefully, with simple statements and a sincere tone on your part, direct and straightforward, so they don’t freak out this is a big deal, maybe they will conclude, sure why not?

But if one says forget it, this is out of the question, be sure you verbalize, “I am really disappointed you won’t let me go. This would be something very meaningful and good in my life. Please, Mom and Dad, think it over. I will be grateful to you if you help me have this experience on Sundays.”

Obviously all these words are mine, sort of general ideas, use your own words, but the point is you are asking for something reasonable. You are a young lady now and are asking with maturity. You are just stating what you would like, respectfully, to your parents. You are not going to become a religious fanatic.

If they make fun of the idea or are suspicious, try to stay composed and not get argumentative. Don’t whine but it’s OK to state your own opinion. Keep coming back with this adult-like approach every week until they say yes.

I wish you the best.
 
Maybe they won’t be that surprised if you asked them. After all it would appear that at least one of them was raised as a catholic. They obviously set great store by your grandparents views and wouldn’t like to upset them. My teenage kids always blame me - perhaps if all else fails tell them "Its all your fault - YOU sent me to catholic school - so what else do YOU expect! Seriously though, don’t worry - God will take care of this for you
 
Perhaps asking your parents if they can drop you off and pick you up would be a good first step. Tell them that you feel your best when you attend mass. Offer to walk or ride your bike. I think it’s best to be honest, but not pressure them to attend. Also, I feel it’s important to pray and ask God to guide you in finding the right words. Good Luck 🙂
 
What a wonderful problem to have! You are so blessed, so graced by this desire, which is, after all, not human in origin, but a call from the Spirit. Desire to be at the Mass, to be a witness at Calvary, is so much better than being there with a wandering mind.

There is not likely to be a human answer to your call to grace. Patience and endurance are answers enough, even if they are invisible answers to people who turn away from the Spirit.

Sometimes my sons’ friends come over on a Sunday and ask to come to Mass with us. Would your parents mind if you visited friends (or grandparents) on Sundays? Saturday evenings and Sunday afternoons might be possible too, if friends go to Masses then.

Today your parish will probably be celebrating tomorrow’s Feast of the Assumption. When she was young, probably younger than you, Our Lady said “yes” to the Holy Spirit, at risk of exclusion from her family, or even death. We don’t have to take such risks! But hold on to your desire: it may be the best gift you can ever give your parents.
 
Rudolfo said:
This is a possible approach based on what your family seems like.

At dinner or after, some time you can get a few calm moments, say “Mom and Dad, I’d like to ask you something.” Without alot of long explanations, because as you say they may be shocked or confused just at the very idea, simply state you would like to attend Mass.

Then they will have some things to ask and say, and hopefully it will not be an argument, but if it is, if that’s how your family communicates, don’t worry, don’t escalate it yourself, just try to keep coming back to the same point, “Unless you have some serious objection, I would like to go to Mass.” Another that might help: “Lots of girls my age might be getting into some sort of trouble, and I am only asking to go to church.”

If they demand why, and you find it hard to articulate that God is calling you, it’s OK to just say you like it there and it feels positive and peaceful. Or you like to hear the scripture readings. STICK TO SHORT ANSWERS.

When they are sort of wavering, glancing at each other as if to say, “Hmm, what should we do with this daughter, is this going to be a problem?” You offer, “I would like it if you could give me a ride, but if you would be inconvenienced, I’m willing to walk.”

After every answer you give, stop talking and let them react. Don’t ramble on and on. They might say nothing, might rant and rave, or just have a question.

Hopefully, with simple statements and a sincere tone on your part, direct and straightforward, so they don’t freak out this is a big deal, maybe they will conclude, sure why not?

But if one says forget it, this is out of the question, be sure you verbalize, “I am really disappointed you won’t let me go. This would be something very meaningful and good in my life. Please, Mom and Dad, think it over. I will be grateful to you if you help me have this experience on Sundays.”

Obviously all these words are mine, sort of general ideas, use your own words, but the point is you are asking for something reasonable. You are a young lady now and are asking with maturity. You are just stating what you would like, respectfully, to your parents. You are not going to become a religious fanatic.

If they make fun of the idea or are suspicious, try to stay composed and not get argumentative. Don’t whine but it’s OK to state your own opinion. Keep coming back with this adult-like approach every week until they say yes.

I wish you the best.
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This is great advice.
 
I would say there are worse things for a teenager to go to, and Mass is the last place where you can get into any trouble. If you wish to walk or ride a bike, let your parents know that. Are there any neighbors nearby that go to that parish that could give you a ride?

I hope that God opens the hearts of your parents to see that you aren’t asking to go to a party or ask to see a bad movie as many young people don’t like going to Mass without being told they must by parents.
 
What’s the legal driving age in your state? If you are 16, do you have to ask them to take you to Mass? Could you possibly drive yourself if they don’t want to drive you?
 
Rudolfo’s advice is good. But if that doesn’t work then you may need some inside help from another family member… Your respected grandparents might have a niche. Don’t forget to ask the Holy Spirit to speak for you.
Sursum Corda!
 
Wow, I didn’t expect to get so many replies. Thank you, 🙂 🙂 I’ve read every single one of your posts and I appreciate your help, especially all the advice on how not to start an argument. (That is useful for everything, not just me asking to go to church!)

I’m still really worried (I’m just a worrywart) but I’m less scared now…
Mostly I’m scared that they will misunderstand my intentions and get really upset about it.
Once I was talking about how I couldn’t wait for exams to end and summer vacation to start and my parents interpreted that as “I hate school and I only want to relax and have fun”, and they got really mad.
(I think it’s because they’re really worried about me right now, in 2 years I’ll be in university, and my parents really value education. I hope they don’t think I’m using church as a way to escape schoolwork… or something)

I plan on asking before next Sunday hopefully~ Please pray for me.
 
terri95 said:
Wow, I didn’t expect to get so many replies. Thank you, 🙂 🙂 I’ve read every single one of your posts and I appreciate your help, especially all the advice on how not to start an argument. (That is useful for everything, not just me asking to go to church!)

I’m still really worried (I’m just a worrywart) but I’m less scared now…
Mostly I’m scared that they will misunderstand my intentions and get really upset about it.
Once I was talking about how I couldn’t wait for exams to end and summer vacation to start and my parents interpreted that as “I hate school and I only want to relax and have fun”, and they got really mad.
(I think it’s because they’re really worried about me right now, in 2 years I’ll be in university, and my parents really value education. I hope they don’t think I’m using church as a way to escape schoolwork… or something)

I plan on asking before next Sunday hopefully~ Please pray for me.
Click to expand...
:signofcross::gopray2:
 
Ok so I asked my parents a few days ago, but they didn’t reply (I don’t know if they were just distracted or if they were just ignoring me :confused:)

Yesterday, I slipped the question into the conversation again but somehow the subject got changed, and my parents never said “yes” or “no”. They weren’t mad or anything, but they started talking about how surprising it was that people still went to church and were so committed and how in the future, religion would probably be gone because of scientific knowledge.

So I don’t know what to do.🤷
 
terri95 said:
… they didn’t reply

… my parents never said “yes” or “no”.

So I don’t know what to do.🤷
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Terri, you are doing well! Your position is unanswerable. Your dear parents are left, literally, speechless. There may be arguments either side can use against the other, but that will not settle it, because this is a spiritual battle, not an academic one. Your tools are prayer and love.

By trying to ignore the matter, your parents are hardening their shell. They are protecting themselves. They might be a bit frightened. If the shell begins to crack, it could hurt. When this happens, remember it is not your fault. It is like when people go home after a war: pain and joy all mixed up.

Keep it up. There is always next week!

In the meantime, I will go to Mass during the week to receive communion particularly for you, as you have not been able to go.

God bless you.

Columba.

Father,
I abandon myself to your hands;
do with me what you will.
Whatever you may do, I thank you:
I am ready for all, I accept all.
Only allow your will be done in me,
and in all your creatures.
I wish no more than this, O Lord.
In your hands I place my soul:
I offer it to you with all the love of my heart,
for I love you, Lord, and so need to give myself,
surrender myself, into your hands without reserve,
and with boundless confidence,
for you are my Father.
Amen.​
 
I was in the same exact position that you were or are in when I was your age. My parents do believe in God though, but sadly they think the Catholic church is all about money though.
My advice is keep praying, say the rosary. I had a desire to go to mass, and now I go to church every Sunday by myself.
 
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