How do I assert my authority within my family?

[J_James]

I am a Catholic husband and father of two small children. I am unemployed and my Catholic wife is the breadwinner in my house. In this tough economy I am reminded how much of a failure she thinks I am now. I was very successful in the tech sector in the 1990s when we got married and then things went south financially after 9/11. Things are a whole lot worse now.

The man is supposed to be head of his house but I get silenced when I get the “if it wasn’t for me” speech when it comes to money issues. This has been said many times in front of the kids to further weaken my authority and respect they have for me. My own father left my family when I was eight so I know the harm that can do. Short of just praying to the Lord, what can I do for my Catholic house?

 

[Michelle_Arnold]

You are indeed correct that your wife should not be venting her frustration with you in front of your children. But it might also help for you to acknowledge that she has cause to be frustrated. With some sympathy for the burdens she’s feeling in supporting an unemployed husband and two small children (with whom she might prefer to be at home herself instead of the breadwinner), perhaps you might be able to persuade her to sympathize with your frustration.

Beyond this, I can only recommend that you take a two-pronged approach to handling this: One, you might redouble your efforts at finding a job, even if that means seeking training in another field or settling for a job that is not as nice as what you’re used to but may provide opportunities for advancement. Two, and even more importantly, you and your wife should consider seeking marital counseling from a Catholic marriage counselor. I recommend contacting either the Pastoral Solutions Institute or CatholicTherapists.com for a referral.