How do I change my thoughts on prayer?

[Bataar]

I hate to say it, but life experience has made me very leery about prayer, at least for special intentions. It seems that in my life, any time I pray for something major to happen or for some kind of specific intention, the exact opposite happens. For lack of a better way to describe it, whenever I pray for something serious, not only do I not get my intention, but I usually end up worse off than before. Twice now, I’ve had contract IT related jobs and have prayed to get hired on full time with the company. After doing a novena to St. Joseph, not only did I not get hired, but my project was canceled and I lost the contract job. This is just one example of many.

A few years ago, I did a novena to Saint Jude to help me find meaning. Shortly after, I met this girl and we kind of hit it off. She wasn’t Catholic and I was thinking about not really pursuing her, but out of the blue, she told me she wanted to become Catholic. I was happy and was hoping to start dating her officially and for reasons I still don’t know, she cut off all contact with me. I have no idea what happened or went wrong, but I felt worse off than I did before the novena.

My mom’s not feeling well at the moment and when I left for church this weekend, she asked me to pray for her. The first thought that popped into my head was, “you really don’t want me praying for you.” I also remembered a thought several years ago when we were praying for Romney to win the 2012 election. I distinctly remember thinking that if we wanted Romney to win, I should pray for Obama to win.

Anymore, I pretty much just say rote prayer and don’t really pray for specific intentions. Anyone else ever feel similarly? If so, how did you get turned around?

 

[PBP]

Find a silent spot and sit and listen. After the first thought comes to mind, listen some more.:tiphat:

 

[Della]

First off it’s best to remember that no prayer is every wasted, even if we don’t get what we prayed for.

Also, you seem to be looking only at what you see as “negative results” when praying for a special intention. That is, if you’ll pardon me, the wrong approach. We don’t ask for special intentions thinking that since we are praying for some particular thing we must receive that thing. We pray that God’s will be done, and for our soul’s good in all we pray for.

I don’t think praying for Romney winning the presidency can qualify as a special intention. Elections are up to the voters, not God. If we elect a bad president, that’s on us. God no doubt limits the bad that our leaders can do–I firmly believe that he does, but I’m not worried if my candidate doesn’t win because it was up to me and other citizens to make that determination.

Do pray for your mother’s health–put her in God’s hands with the understanding that whatever happens God means it for the best. I pray she feels better soon.

God always answers prayer. Sometimes the answer is no. Sometimes we pray for things that God doesn’t wish to do–unlike us, he sees the big picture. And whatever comes, whatever the answer, it is for our good, even those things we see as bad. They can be moments in which we learn to trust God more because we are thrown more on him alone.

God is not a slot machine in which we put prayers and what we want comes out. He is the divine ruler of the universe and we are his people. He doesn’t answer to us, we answer to him. But be at peace, our ultimate goal is our salvation, which is what God is most concerned about. As long as you are working on that, you’ll be just fine.

 

[Mummsie]

Though I don’t remember getting such bad answers as you, I have learned to change my way of praying. Now, I always add “thy will be done” and, now, I really mean it. I have come to the belief and understanding that God has a plan for me. He knows best what I need. I trust God. Hope this helps.

God Bless You.

 

[Bataar]

Though I don’t remember getting such bad answers as you, I have learned to change my way of praying. Now, I always add “thy will be done” and, now, I really mean it. I have come to the belief and understanding that God has a plan for me. He knows best what I need. I trust God. Hope this helps.

God Bless You.

That’s true, but my thought process is that his will will be done regardless. If I don’t pray for any intentions, his will will be done. I guess it comes down to a lack of trust on my part. I understand God has a plan for me too. I have absolutely no idea what it is or could be. Praying for any kind of signs or guidance have been unanswered. I’m not expecting God to appear to me and state, “This is what you must do!”, but rather, just give me some kind of sign or even a feeling of what I should do to even give me a feeling of hope or purpose.

It’s just hard to have a relationship with God if I don’t want to ask for anything out of fear that things will just get worse.

 

[Mummsie]

I can certainly understand your fear. Sometimes God allows bad things to happen. How we deal with those bad things defines our character. I try to start each day asking the Holy Spirit to guide me. But I need to listen. Sometimes (not always) that little voice in my head is the Holy Spirit helping me to see the right thing to do.

Building trust is not easy. I started with the little things first. As I learned to deal with the results of prayer (including thy will be done), it became easier. Praying your faith and trust will continue to grow.

God Bless You.

 

[littlestsouls2]

St. Mary of the Cross made everything she did an offering to God, a prayer, that God’s Will might reign in her. Those who desire only what God wills, infallibly receive what they desire.

The first thing to keep in mind is that God ordains all things for our salvation; He loves us more than we love ourselves, He knows what we need, and He alone can bring about our happiness and salvation. Nothing else matters. Because we are incredibly ignorant of our weakness, the future and a host of other things, it is best to abandon ourselves to God’s Providence. God takes special care of those who give themselves to Him without reserve.

It will be worthwhile meditating on the truths expounded in one of the following books: ‘Trustful Surrender to Divine Providence,’ ‘Holy Abandonment,’ ‘Uniformity with God’s Will,’ ‘Heliotropium: Conformity of the the Human Will to the Divine,’ or ’ Abandonment to Divine Providence.’ Take your pick; each of these works are life-changing if put into effect.

Many things that appear unfavourable to us, are actually for our benefit. Without the Cross there is no salvation. Consider the following anecdote taken from the writings of Rev. Auguste Saudreau:

“There was a religious sister whose obstinacy caused Sister Mechtilde much suffering. Our Lord said to St. Mechtilde: ‘… I am about to afflict her body; and she will be so paralysed by disease that she will not be able to continue any sinful ways. I will make her so dumb that she cannot utter any wicked words; she shall be so blind that she will be ashamed to look on vanity.’ Sister Mechtilde writes: ‘And all those things really happened to her a fortnight afterwards. Alleluia.’” (‘Divine Communications,’ p. 333–334, Vol. 1)

Pax!

 

[fide]

…

It’s just hard to have a relationship with God if I don’t want to ask for anything out of fear that things will just get worse.

God wants us to pray “in His name” - that is, in His will - His intention - His purpose - in His mind and heart, so to speak. Because His will is perfect, and is always for the good, it is best for us if we do desire that His will be done. Indeed, He told us to pray in the Our Father, “Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.”

Coming into His will, able to pray “in His name,” is a process of discipleship. It does not come easy or fast, because there is a world of sin in us. We need to repent of desires and purposes that are self-centered, and not true in Him. To begin to be aware of the self that is opposed to God is also a long and hard path, a hard journey of discipleship. That kind of discernment of our own hearts - that kind of self-knowledge - that kind of love for God at any cost, no matter the cost, is not easy. It is a hard road to walk, calling for endurance and perseverance and faith - holy faith - in God and His love for us all.

That is where the good news is, and remains: faith in Him, not ourselves. Hope in Him, not ourselves or our own plans and desires. Love for Him no matter the cost, in the light of His merciful and patient and perfect love for us. He wants only good for us all - for you, for me, for every man: He wants only good for us. Trust Him. Resolve to trust Him more, when tempted to walk away. Resolve to trust him completely, when all looks dark and desolate, when no way out is there. Trust Him always. Rest in His love for you, and trust Him.

 

[Bataar]

How does one follow God’s will if you have no idea what it is? I’ve prayed about it for years and nothing. One could make the argument that I’m currently following God’s will then but that doesn’t make sense as I’m miserable in this life. I’m not suicidal but I have no real hopes, goals, dreams, ambitions, passions, etc for this life. I hope to go to heaven, but I don’t have any real hopes for this life. No matter how much I’ve prayed about it, I feel that at best, God has just been ignoring me and at worse, outright causing my misery. It’s hard to feel love towards a being like that. Again, I’m not asking for grand supernatural miracles or God appearing to me and proclaiming what He wants me to do, but even just some little hints. Maybe I’m watching TV and a commercial for something that interests me would play which could inspire me to want to pursue something. I don’t know. All I do know is that my personal experience praying to God, when it really matters, has left me worse off.

 

[fide]

How does one follow God’s will if you have no idea what it is? I’ve prayed about it for years and nothing. One could make the argument that I’m currently following God’s will then but that doesn’t make sense as I’m miserable in this life. I’m not suicidal but I have no real hopes, goals, dreams, ambitions, passions, etc for this life. I hope to go to heaven, but I don’t have any real hopes for this life. No matter how much I’ve prayed about it, I feel that at best, God has just been ignoring me and at worse, outright causing my misery. It’s hard to feel love towards a being like that. Again, I’m not asking for grand supernatural miracles or God appearing to me and proclaiming what He wants me to do, but even just some little hints. Maybe I’m watching TV and a commercial for something that interests me would play which could inspire me to want to pursue something. I don’t know. All I do know is that my personal experience praying to God, when it really matters, has left me worse off.

We learn about God from Scripture - especially Jesus, His words and works.
Jn 14:7 If you had known me, you would have known my Father also; henceforth you know him and have seen him."
Jn 14:8 Philip said to him, “Lord, show us the Father, and we shall be satisfied.”
Jn 14:9 Jesus said to him, "Have I been with you so long, and yet you do not know me, Philip? He who has seen me has seen the Father; how can you say, ‘Show us the Father’?

We learn about God through the Spirit sent to lead and guide the Church into all the truth - the “Counselor” - who continues to “unfold” the truth that the Father sent the Son to reveal:
Jn 16:12 "I have yet many things to say to you, but you cannot bear them now.
Jn 16:13 When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all the truth; for he will not speak on his own authority, but whatever he hears he will speak, and he will declare to you the things that are to come.
Jn 16:14 He will glorify me, for he will take what is mine and declare it to you.
Jn 16:15 All that the Father has is mine; therefore I said that he will take what is mine and declare it to you.

So we become disciples of Jesus the Lord - we follow, we listen, we learn, we grow. We carefully obey all that we hear from Him! And He leads us more and more deeply into the truth of His Truth and Life and Love.

That’s not too hard! At least, it’s not as hard as the opposite, which is to live apart from him.

 

[Della]

How does one follow God’s will if you have no idea what it is? I’ve prayed about it for years and nothing. One could make the argument that I’m currently following God’s will then but that doesn’t make sense as I’m miserable in this life. I’m not suicidal but I have no real hopes, goals, dreams, ambitions, passions, etc for this life. I hope to go to heaven, but I don’t have any real hopes for this life. No matter how much I’ve prayed about it, I feel that at best, God has just been ignoring me and at worse, outright causing my misery. It’s hard to feel love towards a being like that. Again, I’m not asking for grand supernatural miracles or God appearing to me and proclaiming what He wants me to do, but even just some little hints. Maybe I’m watching TV and a commercial for something that interests me would play which could inspire me to want to pursue something. I don’t know. All I do know is that my personal experience praying to God, when it really matters, has left me worse off.

God doesn’t dictate what we are to do with our lives. He calls us to our vocation, usually by the most ordinary means, such as falling in love and getting married and raising a family. If you are faithful to the precepts of the Church, if you are a good husband and father, that’s all that’s expected of you. If you wish to do more, get involved in some outreach program or something like the Knights of Columbus or some other worthy group or endeavor. God doesn’t usually tap us on the shoulder and tell us to do specific things.

We are to be good to others where we are and as we are able. You don’t need some “aim” in life. You only need to be who you, are doing what you’re doing, in faithfulness to Christ and his Church. Accepting our ordinariness can gain us much grace, for it is a form of humility–and it can give us peace knowing we are who God made us, doing what he wants us to do. It doesn’t matter if we are rich or poor, plain or beautiful, able to do great miracles or not. We are only asked to love God and others as Christ loved us not accomplish great deeds. God is more pleased by us doing small deeds in faithfulness, due industriousness, and in love.

As for answers to prayer, most of us here have gone to considerable lengths to explain that prayer isn’t about getting what we want, but about giving our lives to God, no matter what he has in mind for us.

 

[JimR-OCDS]

The purpose of prayer isn’t to get what we want, but to align our wills with God’s.

I too went through a time of job hunting without results.

Keep in mind, God does not take away free will of those doing the hiring, in order to answer your prayer.

In the end, the jobs I didn’t get, I thank God for what I thought as unanswered prayer. I would never have lasted at those places.

So, pray to be close to Jesus, and trust that his will be done and its always for the best.

Jim

 

[Bataar]

God doesn’t dictate what we are to do with our lives. He calls us to our vocation, usually by the most ordinary means, such as falling in love and getting married and raising a family. If you are faithful to the precepts of the Church, if you are a good husband and father, that’s all that’s expected of you. If you wish to do more, get involved in some outreach program or something like the Knights of Columbus or some other worthy group or endeavor. God doesn’t usually tap us on the shoulder and tell us to do specific things.

We are to be good to others where we are and as we are able. You don’t need some “aim” in life. You only need to be who you, are doing what you’re doing, in faithfulness to Christ and his Church. Accepting our ordinariness can gain us much grace, for it is a form of humility–and it can give us peace knowing we are who God made us, doing what he wants us to do. It doesn’t matter if we are rich or poor, plain or beautiful, able to do great miracles or not. We are only asked to love God and others as Christ loved us not accomplish great deeds. God is more pleased by us doing small deeds in faithfulness, due industriousness, and in love.

As for answers to prayer, most of us here have gone to considerable lengths to explain that prayer isn’t about getting what we want, but about giving our lives to God, no matter what he has in mind for us.

Of course he doesn’t dictate to us, but people should be able to knowingly follow his will. How can you follow it if you have no idea what it is? As far as I can tell, I’m vocation-less. I feel absolutely no call or interest to religious life at all. Ideally, I’d like to be married, but in all honesty, I don’t see this happening for me due to many factors. Like I said, I’m not even looking for something as obvious as a tap on the shoulder, but rather, just a hint, to feel some kind of interest or drawing to something.

In regards to your second paragraph, I’m kind of at a loss. I don’t have much to do or people to interact with it so it’s difficult for me to put this into practice. Currently, my life consists of going to work and going home. Once I’m home, I pretty much just watch TV or something like that. I don’t have anyone to talk to or interact with. I live with my mom so I do help her out, and pray the Rosary with her, but that’s about it. This has been my life for years and I’m at a loss.

From my perspective, it seems God is intent on keeping me here. Anytime something looks like it might be changing for the positive, as far as my life progressing or having meaning/purpose, something happens that throws a wrench in it. Again, this is just my perspective because I obviously don’t know God’s will or plan for me and he’s doing everything possible to keep me in the dark. It seems that God will give me hints that things will get better for me by teasing with me a potential new job or new friend or something only to jerk it away at the last minute to get a good laugh. Due to my autism socializing and making/maintaining relationships is hard. There have been so many times when I’d pray for God to help me meet and make friends only to finally meet someone, hit it off and think of them as a friend only to have them accept a job across the country a month later and move in which case I’d feel worse than I did before I met that person.

Another hard part for prayer is due to my autism. I’m definitely not much of a talker. I generally only talk if I feel I have information another person needs to know so I share it with them or if I feel they have information I need to know, I’ll ask it. With God this is hard because there is absolutely nothing I can share with him that he doesn’t already know so that just seems pointless. And, as I’ve pointed out, it seems pointless for me to ask anything because at best, nothing changes and at worse, I seem worse off than before. If I can’t ask or tell God anything, there’s not really any point in having a conversation/prayer.

I hope I’m explaining myself properly. I’m trying to not just come off as a whiner/complainer.

 

[Bataar]

The purpose of prayer isn’t to get what we want, but to align our wills with God’s.

I too went through a time of job hunting without results.

Keep in mind, God does not take away free will of those doing the hiring, in order to answer your prayer.

In the end, the jobs I didn’t get, I thank God for what I thought as unanswered prayer. I would never have lasted at those places.

So, pray to be close to Jesus, and trust that his will be done and its always for the best.

Jim

It’s not just jobs. I was just using that as an example. I look at it more as a path. For lack of a better term, it seems that God has a path or multiple paths that follow his will for me. I don’t think I’m on them. Why don’t I think I’m currently following God’s will? Firstly, I can say without hesitation that I’m miserable. I have no hopes, goals, dreams, passions, etc. Secondly, because I’m not doing anything positive. Like I mentioned in my last post, my life consists of going to work and watching TV at home. Why is that all I do? Because I can’t think of anything else. People tell me that I need to “get out there” as if “out there” is some mythical place that once I find, my life will change for the better. I don’t really have friends or people to interact with so anything I’d do outside of my house would need to be something I could do by myself.

I’m just at a loss. A lot of my problems stem from my autism, which God seemingly wanted me to have. But offers no support in helping me deal with it or progress with my life which has virtually hasn’t progressed forward since high school. So either I’m currently following God’s will which is for me to be miserable or I’m not following God’s will and he’s doing everything he can to keep me from learning it.

 

[Della]

Are there any resources for autistics where you live? Or, look into getting involved in some activity at your parish–volunteers are always welcome. That’s the way to meet people and find things to do. I hope you will try. God doesn’t yank friends away from us–we live in a very mobile society these days, so it’s no surprise if people move on. There are plenty of people out there to get to know. How about some of the people you work with? Look for ways to get involved. Staying home isn’t going to gain you friends or interests in life–you have to get out and find them.

 

[Bataar]

Are there any resources for autistics where you live? Or, look into getting involved in some activity at your parish–volunteers are always welcome. That’s the way to meet people and find things to do. I hope you will try. God doesn’t yank friends away from us–we live in a very mobile society these days, so it’s no surprise if people move on. There are plenty of people out there to get to know. How about some of the people you work with? Look for ways to get involved. Staying home isn’t going to gain you friends or interests in life–you have to get out and find them.

I’ve looked into trying to find a therapist who worked with autistic adults but I have not been successful in finding one. They’re either too expensive, not supported by my insurance or only deal with kids. This has irritated me for a while now. You always see commercials and stuff dealing with autistic children, but where’s the support for autistic adults? Those autistic kids do eventually grow up into autistic adults. Oh well. My church is actually pretty barren, other than liturgical services, the only other ministry they have is Knights of Columbus and in my area, I don’t recall ever even seeing a member who I could say was under the age of 60.

I know God doesn’t “yank” friends away. I was just using that as another example that it seems that whenever something positive is happening for me, the reset button gets hit and I’m back to square one only feeling worse than I did before because now, in addition to how I felt before, there’s a sense of loss. I only work with a handful of other guys, most of them are quite a bit older. The guys my age are married with families don’t really have time to do anything.

I don’t know if it’s an autistic thing or not. I know I blame a lot of my issues on that, but it’s a huge spectrum, but my problem is that I can’t think of ways to get involved or things to do. For me, I’m a needs/interest based person. I need food to live therefore, I need to go to the store to buy food. I’m interested in gaming so I go to a game shop to buy/play games. If I can’t think of any reason to go somewhere based on need or interest, I literally have no idea what to do.

 

[ThisOne]

Bataar,

You sound like an intelligent guy; isn’t there something related to your work that interests you that might open up an avenue for you of research or something else?

 

[Bataar]

Bataar,

You sound like an intelligent guy; isn’t there something related to your work that interests you that might open up an avenue for you of research or something else?

This is part of the problem. My work doesn’t interest me at all. It’s extremely boring, dry, meaningless (on a personal level), etc. I just can’t think of anything else viable to do. My degree is in IT and I still owe a lot of money in student loans. Even if I could think of another field, going back to school would not be an option.

 

[ThisOne]

This is part of the problem. My work doesn’t interest me at all. It’s extremely boring, dry, meaningless (on a personal level), etc. I just can’t think of anything else viable to do. My degree is in IT and I still owe a lot of money in student loans. Even if I could think of another field, going back to school would not be an option.

What in God’s world is not boring, dry, and meaningless on a personal level to you?

 

[guanophore]

 I hate to say it, but life experience has made me very leery about prayer, at least for special intentions.  It seems that in my life, any time I pray for something major to happen or for some kind of specific intention, the exact opposite happens.  For lack of a better way to describe it, whenever I pray for something serious, not only do I not get my intention, but I usually end up worse off than before.  Twice now, I've had contract IT related jobs and have prayed to get hired on full time with the company.  After doing a novena to St. Joseph, not only did I not get hired, but my project was canceled and I lost the contract job.  This is just one example of many.

This story reminds me somewhat of Israel praying to God for a King.

Had you considered praying for what God wants, rather than what you want?

A few years ago, I did a novena to Saint Jude to help me find meaning.  Shortly after, I met this girl and we kind of hit it off.  She wasn't Catholic and I was thinking about not really pursuing her, but out of the blue, she told me she wanted to become Catholic.  I was happy and was hoping to start dating her officially and for reasons I still don't know, she cut off all contact with me.  I have no idea what happened or went wrong, but I felt worse off than I did before the novena.

The goal of praying is to get a closer relationship with God, and to seek his will for our lives, not to prevent us from “feeling worse off than before”.

Jesus probably felt pretty “worse off” when He was crucified. Do you think that means He did not do the will of the Father?

My mom's not feeling well at the moment and when I left for church this weekend, she asked me to pray for her.  The first thought that popped into my head was, "you really don't want me praying for you."

Perhaps God is trying to show you how powerful prayer can be. Our focus should be on how we can be conformed to His will, not to seek our own.

 I also remembered a thought several years ago when we were praying for Romney to win the 2012 election.  I distinctly remember thinking that if we wanted Romney to win, I should pray for Obama to win.

What about praying that God’s will be done? Who are you to assume you can know what that is?

Anymore, I pretty much just say rote prayer and don’t really pray for specific intentions. Anyone else ever feel similarly? If so, how did you get turned around?

I had some spiritual formation during which I was educated that prayer is about relationship with God, not getting what I want.

It is about conforming myself to His will, rather than getting Him to support mine.