How do I come to hate the sin of self abuse?

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I have been struggling with self abuse (masturbation) for 20 years, since age 13. I am a married man. I once heard someone say to stop sinning we must come to hate the sin. How do I HATE this sin? I’m not going to sugar coat it, it feels good, I do it for lots of reasons, including when I am stressed out, etc. I know it is wrong, I am trying to stop but it has been part of me for so long it is difficult to give it up. How do I come to really HATE it? I really dislike it, but I’m not sure I really hate it.
 
I suggest you think and pray about the control that you allow this sin to have over you; how it repeatedly cuts you off from God and causes Christ to suffer; how it surely is doing harm to your relationship with your wife (in some cases this has even led to divorce). Surely all that is reason to hate it.

At the same time, I think it can be counter-productive to try to think all the time about how much you hate a sin. Sometimes it’s best to just think about other things (especially spiritually uplifting things) and you will find the temptation occurs less often. Yes, habitual sin like this can be very difficult to stop, but many people have done so, even after decades of habit.
 
It is my opinion that you have to start by giving up the attachment to that sin… then you can hate it. With God’s grace, you will come to recognize the sin for what it is. Disliking it is a start… but giving it up is the way to go. Remember to pray at first sign of temptation. With true detachment from this sin, you will come to recognize it for what it is. I am sure you dislike the feeling of being in mortal sin… I am sure that feeling far outweighs it “feeling good”.

Having sex with a woman who is not your wife may “feel” good too. However, I am sure the very thought of this causes disgust in you… this is the ability to recognize sin for what it is.
 
Would you rape somebody? No so then why do you rape your own body. That is the way we must perceive this sin. I suggest you look at this website( trueknights.org ) to maybe help you overcome this sin that I also struggle with. It is a tough battle and we all must try our hardest and ask for God’s grace to overcome it. Pray daily, read scripture, and pray as soon as you feel any temptation against you. Please pray for me to overcome this sin as well.
 
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aj830:
Would you rape somebody? No so then why do you rape your own body. That is the way we must perceive this sin. I suggest you look at this website( trueknights.org ) to maybe help you overcome this sin that I also struggle with. It is a tough battle and we all must try our hardest and ask for God’s grace to overcome it. Pray daily, read scripture, and pray as soon as you feel any temptation against you. Please pray for me to overcome this sin as well.
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Comparing masturbation to rape is really not a good analogy. Also, it’s rather disrespectful to the utter enormity of the crime of rape. I agree, it’s an obnoxious, selfish, embarrassing, and immature sinful habit, but it is a far, far cry from rape.
 
Bishop Sheen said in one of his shows that we can’t expel an evil in our lives by force of willpower, but we have to crowed it out with something else. That is, instead of trying to find a way to hate self-abuse, find something good that you love more.

Scott
 
It has been observed that some little girls (very young ones, under one year!) masturbate, even all the way to orgasm. How can something be “sinful” when young children, who are the most innocents among us, also practice it? What is wrong with innocent pleasure? It hurts no one. It is hard to understand the lack of compassion of some people, who are willing to condemn almost anything just because it gives pleasure.

Do you know this definition? “Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere might have fun”.
 
Just remember the source of all human dignity …
  1. we are made in the image and likeness of God
  2. Though we sin, we are redeemed by the blood of Christ
  3. We are destined for eternal glory with God
Keep these thoughts in front of you at all times 🙂
 
You have posted on this subject before. Have you reached out to any of the resources recommended to you, such as those offered by Steve Wood? He did an 11-part series on masturbation.

The Evangelicals are doing some excellent pastoral work on this. James Dobson’s Focus on the Familyhas a program on internet porn up on their broadcast page right now. They rely heavily on “accountability partners.” Although we Catholics can come to confession, I highly recommend the accountability partner option – partly because your partner is likely to be in the same struggle (or a kindred one). With an AP, you can pick up the phone and make contact with someone who can be of **instant **help: pray with you, distract you, encourage you. Confession deals with temptation only after you have succumbed.

Of course, the AP option requires tremendous personal courage.

Maybe you could study the issue from a more objective and pastoral point of view and offer a session for the fathers of teen-age boys to help them father their kids through the purity issues of puberty. Lemme tell ya, some of the dads who show up at such an event will be in need of help for themselves.

Check out the Pure Love Club. Although a lot of purity literature is aimed at teens, we know that a lot of adults need it also. The great thing is never to lose hope, never to abandon hope, never to allow defeat to defeat YOU. Leaving the struggle is the devil’s option.
 
Ask your confessor about getting a recommendation to a priest who could be your spiritual director.
 
To say that you dislike a sin but don’t hate it, especially one that are enslaved too, is like saying, “I kind of like Jesus for dying on a cross for my sins, but I don’t really love him”.

I don’t know the exact conditions of your situation. If you are like most men with this problem, it probably involves pornography of some sort. If it does, you need to immediately rid your life of it. If you have any magazines, DVD’s, videos, burn them. If you have any subscriptions to Cinemax, HBO, Showtime, Playboy Channel, Spice Channel, and so on, cancel them today. Men tend to be very visual, so that’s where you should start.

Now the internet is a different story. Can’t exactly smash your computer and throw it away. However, like I said, men tend to be visual so use it to your advantage. I would say go out and buy three of the biggest nails you can find (I’m talkin railroad spikes) and place them in front of your monitor, so you can’t look at it without seeing them. Let them serve as a powerful reminder that every time you look at pornography or use your hand for that, you are driving a nail through the hands and feet of the one who loves you more than any of those victimized women ever could.

Go to confession every week, go to the same confessor, and look him in the face when you confess. Make sure he is a good priest, and not one that will enable you. I know this sounds embarrassing, but you sound desperate, so take desperate measures.
 
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Hitetlen:
It has been observed that some little girls (very young ones, under one year!) masturbate, even all the way to orgasm. How can something be “sinful” when young children, who are the most innocents among us, also practice it? What is wrong with innocent pleasure? It hurts no one. It is hard to understand the lack of compassion of some people, who are willing to condemn almost anything just because it gives pleasure.

Do you know this definition? “Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere might have fun”.
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Babies are not capable of having a well formed conscience. Unfortunately, so are some adults. 😦
 
Just watch the Passion a couple of times, and think about how each sin was the cause for Our Lord having to suffer through that ordeal.

Sins of the flesh are pleasurable that is what makes them so tempting and so difficult to overcome.

IF all sin were painful, overcoming and avoiding sin would be easy.
 
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Hitetlen:
It has been observed that some little girls (very young ones, under one year!) masturbate, even all the way to orgasm. How can something be “sinful” when young children, who are the most innocents among us, also practice it?
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If they are beneath the age of reason or otherwise do not have the capacity to understand the import of their actions, it isn’t sinful.
What is wrong with innocent pleasure?
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You make a logical error here, that because innocents might unknowingly pleasure themselves thusly, it is innocent pleasure. That doesn’t follow.
It hurts no one.
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The experience of many is that it does.
It is hard to understand the lack of compassion of some people, who are willing to condemn almost anything just because it gives pleasure.
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Clearly this isn’t why the practice is condemned; please make an effort to understand the position you oppose before you attempt to defend your own. A modicum of intellectual respect is required. You’ll find, I think, that treating your debating partners as equals will make the discussion more profitable for everyone. If you find this impossible for yourself, if your own zeal and anger trump your reason, perhaps you would be better off elsewhere, for your own sake.

Also, our own “side” in this debate is hardly immune to this problem, which may account for some of the lack of compassion you have seen. But please don’t equate disapproval of behavior with discompassion.
Do you know this definition? “Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere might have fun”.
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Funny, but if you’d prefer to debate rather than simply caricature the position which you oppose, it might help to study a bit.
 
Are you tempted to steal?
to lie?
to cheat?
to kill?
to gossip?
to ridicule?
to belittle?
to injure yourself?

What manner of control do you have to prevent falling into these sins?

Do you have a prayer life? Do you read the scriptures? Do you actively promote the development of your interior life as a Christian?

Do you sense yourself perpetually in the presence of God?

Someone above suggested competing behavior. For example, put your clothes on. Hold the Bible to yourself with both arms.
 
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BayCityRickL:
Someone above suggested competing behavior. For example, put your clothes on. Hold the Bible to yourself with both arms.
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I know a guy who kneels on his hands for the space of 5 Our Fathers, 5 Hail Marys and 5 Gloria Patri. (What can I say, people actually tell me this stuff! :o )
 
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marcadam:
You make a logical error here, that because innocents might unknowingly pleasure themselves thusly, it is innocent pleasure. That doesn’t follow.
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If you would point out the difference?
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marcadam:
The experience of many is that it does.
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Hmm, do they go blind?
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marcadam:
Clearly this isn’t why the practice is condemned; please make an effort to understand the position you oppose before you attempt to defend your own. A modicum of intellectual respect is required. You’ll find, I think, that treating your debating partners as equals will make the discussion more profitable for everyone. If you find this impossible for yourself, if your own zeal and anger trump your reason, perhaps you would be better off elsewhere, for your own sake.
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Anger? Where did that come form? And I try to treat everyone with respect, even if they happen to behave otherwise.
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marcadam:
Funny, but if you’d prefer to debate rather than simply caricature the position which you oppose, it might help to a bit.
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I have been baptized and raised as a Calvinist (Presbyterian), so I am not exactly unfamiliar with its teachings…
 
Scott Waddell:
Bishop Sheen said in one of his shows that we can’t expel an evil in our lives by force of willpower, but we have to crowed it out with something else. That is, instead of trying to find a way to hate self-abuse, find something good that you love more.
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This really is the key. A good way to start, I am serious, is to drop and do pushups when the urge comes upon you. It breaks the tension and helps get rid of stress as well. You need to replace your habit you can’t just think it away - in fact thinking to much about it make you… think to much about it. Before you get to the rationalization point you should be on your 5th pushup. Most guys struggle with this sin for years. You are certainly not alone.

Assuming you have two arms give it a try. I know you can do it (the pushups)I am the same age as you!

Replace it.

Mel
 
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