How do I confess something so shameful?

[ForwardProgress]

As long as tab p is in slot v at the end of the act, who cares what else you do…this is all that matters. I see no sin unless BDSM was forced on the spouse. If both were consenting and it increased the love between the two, how can it be sin? People can find sin here where none lurks! Beware the internet moral theologists!!!

 

[Timothysis]

Beware the internet moral theologists!!!

 

[LilyM]

As long as tab p is in slot v at the end of the act, who cares what else you do…this is all that matters. I see no sin unless BDSM was forced on the spouse. If both were consenting and it increased the love between the two, how can it be sin? People can find sin here where none lurks! Beware the internet moral theologists!!!

Well, the OP did refer to it as questionable - sounds like she went along with it to please her husband and not because she herself wanted to do it. And dare I say, sounds like she had second thoughts/felt a general ‘ick’ factor even while doing it?

In that sense it’s much less than ‘mutual’ and DOES go against the mature and considerate give-and-take that marital sex should be.

OP, if I’m wrong, if you did enjoy it yourself, and if it WAS just done as foreplay ending in penetrative sex rather than as a separate act in itself, then it wasn’t sinful.

 

[fbl9]

As long as tab p is in slot v at the end of the act, who cares what else you do…this is all that matters. I see no sin unless BDSM was forced on the spouse. If both were consenting and it increased the love between the two, how can it be sin? People can find sin here where none lurks! Beware the internet moral theologists!!!

so then inflicting your spouse with pain for your own pleasure is good,or recieving pleasure from having pain infilicted on you is good…tieing your spouse up so she can be a “victim” for your pleasure is good,or vice versa… you can do without the pitiful excuse you call a warning…

 

[FrDavid96]

Could we all please remember that the purpose of this thread is that a person is embarrassed about confessing a sin, and wants some support in doing so?
Is causing further embarrassment helping the situation?

 

[fbl9]

which i did give the OP.

 

[fbl9]

Could we all please remember that the purpose of this thread is that a person is embarrassed about confessing a sin, and wants some support in doing so?
Is causing further embarrassment helping the situation?

ii have gave the OP what i feel is sound advice…in your opion did the OP sin in this “activity” can you please back your opion with church teaching,as other posters seem to feel there was no sin involved…

 

[FrDavid96]

ii have gave the OP what i feel is sound advice…in your opion did the OP sin in this “activity” can you please back your opion with church teaching,as other posters seem to feel there was no sin involved…

Here’s the teaching of the Church on the matter.

1. Confession is in the internal forum. Canons 983, 984
2. Matters of sin are to be discussed between the penitent and the priest who is competent to hear that confession. Canons 965, 966, 970, 971, 972, 973, 978, 979, 980, 981

Is that authoritative enough?

 

[LilyM]

If both were consenting and it increased the love between the two, how can it be sin? People can find sin here where none lurks! Beware the internet moral theologists!!!

Sure doesn’t sound like it increased the OP’s love for anyone

Sure, ‘theologists’ (by the way learn the correct term, it is ‘theologians’) can find sin where none lurks. They can just as easily opine that there is no sin where in truth it really exists.

And in this day and age an underactive, deadened and dulled sense of sin (ie deserved spiritual guilt) is much more prevalent than an overactive one.

In fact when was the last time outside these fora and maybe church when you heard something actually described as ‘sinful’ in the sense of morally wrong? Sure, we hear about ‘sinful’ desserts and stuff, but that just means ‘decadent’ without any moral sense attached.

 

[hulahoop]

Well, the OP did refer to it as questionable - sounds like she went along with it to please her husband and not because she herself wanted to do it. And dare I say, sounds like she had second thoughts/felt a general ‘ick’ factor even while doing it?

In that sense it’s much less than ‘mutual’ and DOES go against the mature and considerate give-and-take that marital sex should be.

OP, if I’m wrong, if you did enjoy it yourself, and if it WAS just done as foreplay ending in penetrative sex rather than as a separate act in itself, then it wasn’t sinful.

I see my thread has taken on a life of its own in my absence.

I’ve read through all the posts since last night, and I stand by my original conviction that this “act” was indeed something which by no means honored God or the sacrament which joins my husband and myself.

All the speculation in the world as to whether what I did was or was not a sin will not change the fundamental disordered nature of the act in question. Just because “everything ended the way it should have”, to quote another poster, does not render the act in question morally acceptable.

While I greatly appreciate the contributions of all who have responded, I’m going to resume my preparation for my impending confession.

The peace of Christ be with you all.

 

[Quatsch]

Exactly! Nail on the head, there.
That’s where the OCD/scrupulosity kicks in though, my friends.

I’m plagued with the endless and circuitous questions/worries “Was I specific enough” or “Did I hold back too much?” Even when we clearly know in our heads the obvious answer, the troubled and scrupulous mind charges into overdrive.

You could say what you said here, and ask the priest if it was specific enough.