How do I confess this? Or should I?

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casslean

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One of the things I really struggle with in confession is figuring out HOW to say what I’m confessing. I know I usually end up babbling and sounding ridiculous and I think it both creates more anxiety than needed about confession and maybe prevents me from always getting the best counsel.

For instance, I realized that recently, while interacting with someone who has hurt me in the past, I let my anger about that person’s past behaviour overwhelm me to the point that I was actually harbouring ill wishes toward them - specifically hoping that an event they were planning would end up being a failure.

I know not all anger is sinful, but I’m pretty sure this is one of those times when it crossed the line.

I also don’t know if it would be considered holding a grudge. I have chosen to forgive this person, and I try each and every day to forgive this person, and I didn’t want to be angry - I just got angry because of the specific circumstances and in that moment, that’s how I felt. I’ve had other confessors tell me that as long as I’ve chosen to forgive and I’m trying, I’m not holding a grudge - but I still feel the anger sometimes, so I’m not sure.

I also struggle with understanding pride as a sin. I got gently reprimanded in my job, and a really resented it because I believed (still believe, really) that I was right. Is that pride?

I’m trying to get better at understanding and identifying sin in my life, and when I can’t even articulate what it is I might have done, it gets a lot harder for me to make sense of what I’m supposed to confess.
 
None of this sounds like mortal sin to me, you didn’t have full knowledge/consent when you got angry. It seemed more emotional, or in the moment. Same thing with forgiveness, you are trying, you aren’t intentionally harboring a grudge. Still, if you want to confess venial sin at your next confession, why not? But I wouldn’t stress about it.

Just say something simple, like “ I was quick to anger, and thought ill of someone. I also struggle with forgiving this person, but I’m trying.”

You don’t have to worry about explaining all of the details to the priest. God knows what you mean!

As far as the pride thing… I don’t really know. Maybe you were right? But being humble enough to say “ok” to your boss anyway will suffice.
 
Same here. I almost always confess that I’ve been uncharitable in my thoughts and in my words. I work on this a lot.
Pride is hard to confess, but remember that pride in the basis for all sin. However, it may well be the truth that your reprimand at work wasn’t justified. Keep in mind that mere “feelings” are not sins unless fully accepted by the will. We often can’t control feelings.
 
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Even for us long time Catholics, it is always an effort to phrase our sins during Confession. I guess that’s normal. Some people say it may be a good thing to experience some kind of nervousness in Confession because that means we do not take it lightly.

I often advised people in similar situation to categorise your sins in kind - perhaps a standard mode of Confession. However, not all sins can fall into certain category. Lol.

In your first case, it was about anger, specifically losing your temper. I would say something like “I lost my temper and in doing so, wishing ill of someone.” That probably is more than enough for the priest to know.

The second is about pride. Personally I do not think it is a sin per se to not able to take criticism. It is because you can have your opinion about your what you have done. But if you think it is a sin, then by all means confess it. Say something like, " I committed a sin of pride by unable to receive correction." Probably it is such a minor sin, I think Father would not be bothered too much with it.

Godbless.
 
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Reuben_J said:
I often advised people in similar situation to categorise your sins in kind - perhaps a standard mode of Confession. However, not all sins can fall into certain category. Lol.
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This is always the standard advice I get, but I don’t ever find it especially helpful. I feel like categorising works well for mortal sins, but less well for venial sins.
Magdalene said:
None of this sounds like mortal sin to me, you didn’t have full knowledge/consent when you got angry. It seemed more emotional, or in the moment. Same thing with forgiveness, you are trying, you aren’t intentionally harboring a grudge. Still, if you want to confess venial sin at your next confession, why not? But I wouldn’t stress about it.
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I didn’t think any of them were mortal sins, but I try to attend confession semi-regularly to help me develop my conscience. I’d just like to not be absolutely terrible at it.

Also, I’m taking part in the Divine Mercy Novena, so I’d like to gain the indulgence by attending this week.
Limoncello4021 said:
Pride is hard to confess, but remember that pride in the basis for all sin. However, it may well be the truth that your reprimand at work wasn’t justified. Keep in mind that mere “feelings” are not sins unless fully accepted by the will. We often can’t control feelings.
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I guess that’s true. One of the things I struggle with is swinging between not being able to see how anything I am doing is sinful to worrying that everything is sinful - and I struggle with anxiety, so I am more inclined towards the latter. I get told reasonably often that what I’m confessing isn’t really sinful behaviour.
 
Magdalene said:
was quick to anger, and thought ill of someone. I also struggle with forgiving this person, but I’m trying.”
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Drop the “but I’m trying” part and it’s good. Never justify sin in the Confessional - you’re CONFESSING. Confess your sins - don’t add in “but I’m trying” or “I’m not doing it as much” - those are justifications.

OP - just confess "I’ve been prideful, wrathful, and unforgiving multiple times. "
 
Spyridon said:
Drop the “but I’m trying” part and it’s good. Never justify sin in the Confessional - you’re CONFESSING. Confess your sins - don’t add in “but I’m trying” or “I’m not doing it as much” - those are justifications.
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I was wondering about that. I remember listening to a talk once and the priest giving it said never use the word “but” in the confessional.
 
Exactly.

We are only confessing our sins. We’re not talking about circumstances or giving reasons why we commited sins or anything like that…

Confess sins in approximate number and kind.
 
Spyridon said:
Confess sins in approximate number and kind.
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That is a boilerplate answer, given over and over when discussing confession. It might be helpful when dealing with mortal sins, but as I’ve said before, it isn’t helpful in trying to figure out how to confess venial sins, and when I’ve tried to modify it for that purpose, I generally receive my least helpful counsel.
 
Kind and number.

Bless me Father…

It has been _____ since my last confession.

Against the 1st Commandment I have sinned X times.

Against the 2nd Commandment I have sinned more times than I can count.

Against the 3rd Commandment…

Etc through all of the 10 Commandments.

That is enough. IF your priest wants more details, he will ask for them.

I’ve never met a priest who says “it would be really great if people gave more details in confession”.

Keep it simple.
 
I appreciate the spirit this advice is given in, but I’ve said before, it isn’t helpful. I can go through the Ten Commandments a thousand times and still have no idea what I’m supposed to have done.
 
TheLittleLady said:
If you do not know that something is actually a sin, you are not guilty of it. It would be at the worst venial sin which is removed at Mass when you say the “I confess”, when you use Holy Water to make the SOTC, http://www.newliturgicalmovement.org/2016/02/things-that-remit-venial-sins.html#.WsZ8OIjwaM8

For a sin to be mortal it must be something serious, you must know it is a sin and you must do it intentionally.
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I know that, but I want to make a practice of attending Confession at least semi-regularly and confessing venial sins.

I don’t think I’ve had occasion to confess a mortal sin - well, ever. Even ones I might have committed before joining the church I didn’t understand were sins, so they aren’t mortal sins.
 
It is laudable to want to confess venial sins. But don’t overthink it. Just tell the priest: Father, I did or said so and so, but I’m not sure it was a sin or not. Don’t ramble on: be precise. Learn from what he tells you. Ask him to help you discern what are sins and what are not.
 
It is good for you that you are confessing regularly. . With less sins and therefore you begin to be more specific. The guideline is still the same. . We still need to be brief in Confession. . The number and kind of sins is quite a standard method of Confession. . Not sure if we can change that. In any case, the principle stands.

Confession is also called a Sacrament of Reconciliation. We are to reconcile with God and with one another. .the ones we have wronged. When we go for Confession. .we have regretted what we had done - thus the Confession. .to restore ourselves (before God and man and ourselves).

It is not so much about how accurate we naratte our sins (God knows anyway) but more importantly the contrition on our part for what we had done. Of course there have to be some resemblance of truth and accuracy of the sin we confess, to make sure we knoww what actually was our trangression that we are contrite of. That’s the purpose of verbalising those sins and why Father wants clarification sometimes.

God bless.
 
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