C
How do I control my jealousy/anger over the indecency on TV...and my worries of it affecting my husband?
- Status
G
grandfather
Guest
I have a suggestion for you and your family. Lent is coming up. Give up tv and movies. It will be difficult at first and then life will get much better. You will find things to do that are much more rewarding.
Thank you.
E
Ecoclimber
Guest
The problem with watching TV or movies today is that they are desensitizing Christian believers to accept the values of the world: adultery, homosexuality, divorce, abortion, gay marriage, fornication etc. as natural, okay and harmless to your soul.
Barna research poll stated that according to morality, there is no difference between the world and the Christian Church in regards to the above. Instead of the Church changing society, society is changing the Church . When I say Church, I mean believers in the Church…their conduct and their belief.
If you read the Early Church Fathers, it is a sobering reminder that we are to love God with all of our heart, soul, mind and body. To Love God we are to obey the teachings of Christ concerning sensuality. You can read about the orthodoxy concerning sensuality by reading how the early church fathers confronted such issues here starting on page 83 about the Nicolaitans and onward through Gnosticism.
scribd.com/doc/55176212/St-Epiphanius-of-Cyprus-Medicine-Chest-the-Panarion
I remembered growing up we had the legend of decency guide to go by. To bad, it went away under the guise of the R rating system. Most TV shows now would be considered R rated by the Church 40 years ago just to show how desensitize we have become to sinful behavior and values.
The Church teaches us to avoid the occasion of sin any person, place, or thing that of its nature or because of human frailty can lead one to do wrong, thereby committing sin. It will lead eventually to grievous harm over time to our soul.
Jesus teaches us to crucify our flesh and die daily for the not only is the** Gate narrow but the Path as well. ** So we are in a race as St. Paul states that will lead to our ultimate goal, the salvation of our souls if we are faithful. The prize is great glory for us but the endurance is severe as within any race.
So I should just turn off the TV and engage in other activities or filter what we watch on TV that is wholesome and uplifting. Prayer and biblical study would be a great place to start but not everyone is so incline.
As for your husband, there is something that you can do which is to turn the situation over to the Lord as he is our burden bearer instead of carrying it yourself and trust in Him. Second, you should intercede for your husband in prayer and fasting as there is a spiritual war in which we are all in and Satan is trying to establish a beachhead within your family.
Blessings
Barna research poll stated that according to morality, there is no difference between the world and the Christian Church in regards to the above. Instead of the Church changing society, society is changing the Church . When I say Church, I mean believers in the Church…their conduct and their belief.
If you read the Early Church Fathers, it is a sobering reminder that we are to love God with all of our heart, soul, mind and body. To Love God we are to obey the teachings of Christ concerning sensuality. You can read about the orthodoxy concerning sensuality by reading how the early church fathers confronted such issues here starting on page 83 about the Nicolaitans and onward through Gnosticism.
scribd.com/doc/55176212/St-Epiphanius-of-Cyprus-Medicine-Chest-the-Panarion
I remembered growing up we had the legend of decency guide to go by. To bad, it went away under the guise of the R rating system. Most TV shows now would be considered R rated by the Church 40 years ago just to show how desensitize we have become to sinful behavior and values.
The Church teaches us to avoid the occasion of sin any person, place, or thing that of its nature or because of human frailty can lead one to do wrong, thereby committing sin. It will lead eventually to grievous harm over time to our soul.
Jesus teaches us to crucify our flesh and die daily for the not only is the** Gate narrow but the Path as well. ** So we are in a race as St. Paul states that will lead to our ultimate goal, the salvation of our souls if we are faithful. The prize is great glory for us but the endurance is severe as within any race.
So I should just turn off the TV and engage in other activities or filter what we watch on TV that is wholesome and uplifting. Prayer and biblical study would be a great place to start but not everyone is so incline.
As for your husband, there is something that you can do which is to turn the situation over to the Lord as he is our burden bearer instead of carrying it yourself and trust in Him. Second, you should intercede for your husband in prayer and fasting as there is a spiritual war in which we are all in and Satan is trying to establish a beachhead within your family.
Blessings
F
francisca
Guest
Christina79,
I wonder if you can discuss with your husband about only renting less than R rated movies. I have a teenage son. We rent PG or G movies most of the time. Once in a while we rent NC16, but I hasn’t allow my son to watch NC16, so we usually watch it when he’s not home. I tell him that I will let him watch it when he turn 16.
We almost never watch M18 or R21, not for religious reason. Rather, we find that most of the PG and NC16 movies are made with more stories to tell than the rest usually the latter shows blunt violence and/ or nudity with less story and/ or less taste. I know that there are some exceptions, but most of the time we borrowed M18 we got dissappointed.
If you haven’t try it, I suggest you and the whole family should try to enjoy G/ PG movies (I do not know how old are your children). There are many many that are good, a lot better than R rated because you can enjoy it as a family
Regarding your sensitivity toward commercials. I want you to know that it’s not the girl in the commercial. Rather, it is the porn you have watched in the past. Porn wound our idea about human sexuality, creating in us “a prejudice”. In your case, it comes out as “a prejudice toward your husband attitude towards women”.
You are alright in “demanding” your husabnd not to watch porn. I think he would have minded you watching porn by yourself and enjoying yourself while he’s away. You are being reasonable in that area. I think you can have a valid discussion there with him, and i believe he will accept you as reasonable regarding this one.
You are not being reasonable when you are angry about commercials. The problem is you can’t control yourself. The bible say, that jealousy, especially the uncontrollable one, is a spirit. This spirit has been “pitching a case” against you and your husband for many many years, with many many “false evidence”. All of the evidence point to one thing: false idea about human sexuality: your husbands sexuality, yours, and others. The spirit want to put you and your family in deep suffering for a long long time, to your children’s children, if possible. Your children may get the wrong idea about “women” because of it. So you just have to stop worrying about “beautiful girls causing your husband to lust”. That is not true. Lust doesn’t need any beauty. Lust in itself is ugly. Trust me on this one. Lust potrays something beautiful in an ugly way. Lust is a distructor of beauty.
I live in hot area, where many many beautiful young women walk around in shorts and spaghetti straps top. Men here so get used to it, they don’t bother. However, there is a certain area of the city where prostitutes look for some men. I walked in this area together with my husband (this area is also an area where you can find all sorts of shops). I swear men looked at me as if “measuring me” from head to toe. I was in my normal modest clothes, didn’t wear anything unusual. This fact shows me that men don’t “look at ANY women”. Beautiful women aren’t the cause of lust. The idea of lust itself is the cause. So that you know what makes you and many people who “believe” in this “idea of lust” become angry at commercials featuring beautiful men/ women.
Shampoo commercials shows beautiful women. these commercials usually targeting women, not men. The commercials build idea that their product makes women beautiful (sexy/ attractive). Men’s shampoo commercials usually use male models to target men in the same way. Most shampoo, soap, and other commercial products mainly target women because women is still the main buyer for most commercial products.
However, for your case, having been wounded with prejudice toward human sexuality (from porn, R rated movies, experience), you become angry. Despite the fact that the commercials purpose is to build product image, you are entangled in your own worry and fear and anger.
Refuse it in Jesus Mighty Name. Let your children grow without any prejudice, worry, fear nor anger. Let them learn that beautiful is good, not bad. So you can have beautiful grandchildren
I wonder if you can discuss with your husband about only renting less than R rated movies. I have a teenage son. We rent PG or G movies most of the time. Once in a while we rent NC16, but I hasn’t allow my son to watch NC16, so we usually watch it when he’s not home. I tell him that I will let him watch it when he turn 16.
We almost never watch M18 or R21, not for religious reason. Rather, we find that most of the PG and NC16 movies are made with more stories to tell than the rest usually the latter shows blunt violence and/ or nudity with less story and/ or less taste. I know that there are some exceptions, but most of the time we borrowed M18 we got dissappointed.
If you haven’t try it, I suggest you and the whole family should try to enjoy G/ PG movies (I do not know how old are your children). There are many many that are good, a lot better than R rated because you can enjoy it as a family
Regarding your sensitivity toward commercials. I want you to know that it’s not the girl in the commercial. Rather, it is the porn you have watched in the past. Porn wound our idea about human sexuality, creating in us “a prejudice”. In your case, it comes out as “a prejudice toward your husband attitude towards women”.
You are alright in “demanding” your husabnd not to watch porn. I think he would have minded you watching porn by yourself and enjoying yourself while he’s away. You are being reasonable in that area. I think you can have a valid discussion there with him, and i believe he will accept you as reasonable regarding this one.
You are not being reasonable when you are angry about commercials. The problem is you can’t control yourself. The bible say, that jealousy, especially the uncontrollable one, is a spirit. This spirit has been “pitching a case” against you and your husband for many many years, with many many “false evidence”. All of the evidence point to one thing: false idea about human sexuality: your husbands sexuality, yours, and others. The spirit want to put you and your family in deep suffering for a long long time, to your children’s children, if possible. Your children may get the wrong idea about “women” because of it. So you just have to stop worrying about “beautiful girls causing your husband to lust”. That is not true. Lust doesn’t need any beauty. Lust in itself is ugly. Trust me on this one. Lust potrays something beautiful in an ugly way. Lust is a distructor of beauty.
I live in hot area, where many many beautiful young women walk around in shorts and spaghetti straps top. Men here so get used to it, they don’t bother. However, there is a certain area of the city where prostitutes look for some men. I walked in this area together with my husband (this area is also an area where you can find all sorts of shops). I swear men looked at me as if “measuring me” from head to toe. I was in my normal modest clothes, didn’t wear anything unusual. This fact shows me that men don’t “look at ANY women”. Beautiful women aren’t the cause of lust. The idea of lust itself is the cause. So that you know what makes you and many people who “believe” in this “idea of lust” become angry at commercials featuring beautiful men/ women.
Shampoo commercials shows beautiful women. these commercials usually targeting women, not men. The commercials build idea that their product makes women beautiful (sexy/ attractive). Men’s shampoo commercials usually use male models to target men in the same way. Most shampoo, soap, and other commercial products mainly target women because women is still the main buyer for most commercial products.
However, for your case, having been wounded with prejudice toward human sexuality (from porn, R rated movies, experience), you become angry. Despite the fact that the commercials purpose is to build product image, you are entangled in your own worry and fear and anger.
Refuse it in Jesus Mighty Name. Let your children grow without any prejudice, worry, fear nor anger. Let them learn that beautiful is good, not bad. So you can have beautiful grandchildren
S
Sherry_G
Guest
I understand your frustration with the enormity of the sexualization on TV and your worry about the impact this may be having on your husband and sons. I’ve read all the comments here and it seems to me that many of the posters are willing to accept what is on TV today as “normal” and OK. While TV today offers up some of the most offensive immoral scenarios in the so called entertainment area and also the oversexualization of every product being touted for sale, like hygeine products and automobiles and the horrid underwear commercials, most people today just accept it and either ignore or enjoy it. I’m with you in so far as being shocked and dismayed by some of the more blatant commercials, like victoria Secret for example. My husband used to tune in to some of the movie channels that offer porn although the “censors” will say they are just for “mature audiences”.
My response was to get up and leave the room and go do something else. Eventually my husband would come looking for me and a discussion would follow about the reason i vacated the TV room. At first my husband got mad at me, claiming that I was “judging” him. I refuted his position and insisted upon my rights to view only what I thought was acceptable on a moral level.
To make a long story short, my husband no longer tunes in to those objectionable shows and usually will channel surf through the most offensive commercials. I do worry about my little grandchildren as I know some of the shows their parents like to watch when they visit us for vacations. Censorship has all but disappeared. We have to be the censors now.
Pray for your family. Set a good example. And talk to your priest about handling your emotions.
My response was to get up and leave the room and go do something else. Eventually my husband would come looking for me and a discussion would follow about the reason i vacated the TV room. At first my husband got mad at me, claiming that I was “judging” him. I refuted his position and insisted upon my rights to view only what I thought was acceptable on a moral level.
To make a long story short, my husband no longer tunes in to those objectionable shows and usually will channel surf through the most offensive commercials. I do worry about my little grandchildren as I know some of the shows their parents like to watch when they visit us for vacations. Censorship has all but disappeared. We have to be the censors now.
Pray for your family. Set a good example. And talk to your priest about handling your emotions.
E
edwest2
Guest
As Catholics, the Sexual Revolution of the late 1960s has come to fruition in the media today and in our daily lives as married couples and singles. This did not happen overnight.
Catholic married couples: As Jesus said, you are one flesh now. No, you can’t force your spouse to change, but prayer followed by communication is very important, especially today.
Here is how the process worked over the last 40 years:
First, in the late 1960s, there were those who demanded the right to have sex with whoever they wanted whenever they wanted. Artificial contraception was OK for them. Even though Pope Paul VI wrote that it was not in 1968:
vatican.va/holy_father/paul_vi/encyclicals/documents/hf_p-vi_enc_25071968_humanae-vitae_en.html
And the reaction? Here is an excerpt from the August 9, 1968 issue of Time magazine:
“The pronouncement caused perhaps the most serious outburst of dissent the Catholic Church has experienced in centuries. Innumerable Catholics made clear that they would refuse to heed the words of a reigning Pontiff. Theologians defied his authority to insist that the encyclical was not binding on married Catholics…”
Source: time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,902263,00.html
Got that? The message was “sex is for pleasure.” Period. The culture and the media in 1968 and throughout the early 1960s and 1950s, generally held Christian values and morals in high regard. I was there. We lived out Church teaching, divorce was rare, abortion was rare. And with all due respect to persons with Same Sex Attraction who are children of God, Homosexuality was considered a disorder by the American Psychiatric Association (which, by stating this, in no way condones acts of violence and insults against homosexual persons).
Christian culture was the dominant culture in the United States and the West at the time. The Counter-Culture wanted all the sexual things things the Church said were wrong and divorce.
1970s Adult Bookstores selling porn opened everywhere. Topless “Go-Go” Bars, and strip clubs. And Swinger magazines filled with ads from people looking for sex, just sex.
1973 Abortion legalized in a bizarre Supreme Court decision that referenced “emanations” and “penumbras” in the Constitution and a vague right to privacy.
1973 Homosexuality is removed from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of the American Psychiatric Association by non-scientific vote. Reference:
amazon.com/Homosexuality-American-Psychiatry-Ronald-Bayer/dp/0691028370
Movies and TV shows become more sexualized and will continue to become more so as time passes.
1980s Porn on cable. Did Christians ask for this?
No-Fault Divorce completes its sweep of the country. I open the newspaper to the classifieds and see many ads that read like this: “No kids? $75 and you’re out. Call 800-DIVORCE.”
Broken families helped dissolve ties with aunts, uncles, in-laws, and children.
1990s
Into the abyss. Church parking lots empty and mall parking lots fill up. Casual sex. Cohabitation with sex. We try to fill our lives with material things while ignoring Godly things.
We protested for decades, but high-priced lawyers defended adult bookstores, adult movie theaters, strip clubs and topless bars. “We have the First Amendment Right!” We were called “religious nuts.” Then add in shock jocks on the radio, obscene music, rap and shock jocks interviewing prostitutes, incorrectly called “porn stars.” And then, the internet. For the first time in history, Global 24/7 porn.
The Counter-Culture has become the dominant Noise in our lives. Everywhere we turn, it’s sex, sex and more sex, followed by celebrities getting divorced on a regular basis. And the worst part today? Some of us have become indifferent: “Hey, what’s the big deal? People can do what they want.” And yes, to a degree. Pope Benedict tells us:
"We are moving toward a dictatorship of relativism which does not recognize anything as for certain and which has as its highest goal one’s own ego and one’s own desires. The church must defend itself against threats such as “radical individualism” and “vague religious mysticism”. [emphasis added]
So the answer is No, we are not overreacting. And here’s the full story from a Catholic writer and former reporter:
amazon.com/Noise-Media-saturated-Dominates-Dismantles-Families/dp/1932927948
We must respond to this culture by rejecting most of it. By disconnecting sex from love, we are in need of returning to a true understanding of what human sexuality actually means and the right use of it. We are the Counter-Culture today. A culture of truth, understanding of Church teaching and being willing to obey it because it will heal us.
Peace,
Ed
Catholic married couples: As Jesus said, you are one flesh now. No, you can’t force your spouse to change, but prayer followed by communication is very important, especially today.
Here is how the process worked over the last 40 years:
First, in the late 1960s, there were those who demanded the right to have sex with whoever they wanted whenever they wanted. Artificial contraception was OK for them. Even though Pope Paul VI wrote that it was not in 1968:
vatican.va/holy_father/paul_vi/encyclicals/documents/hf_p-vi_enc_25071968_humanae-vitae_en.html
And the reaction? Here is an excerpt from the August 9, 1968 issue of Time magazine:
“The pronouncement caused perhaps the most serious outburst of dissent the Catholic Church has experienced in centuries. Innumerable Catholics made clear that they would refuse to heed the words of a reigning Pontiff. Theologians defied his authority to insist that the encyclical was not binding on married Catholics…”
Source: time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,902263,00.html
Got that? The message was “sex is for pleasure.” Period. The culture and the media in 1968 and throughout the early 1960s and 1950s, generally held Christian values and morals in high regard. I was there. We lived out Church teaching, divorce was rare, abortion was rare. And with all due respect to persons with Same Sex Attraction who are children of God, Homosexuality was considered a disorder by the American Psychiatric Association (which, by stating this, in no way condones acts of violence and insults against homosexual persons).
Christian culture was the dominant culture in the United States and the West at the time. The Counter-Culture wanted all the sexual things things the Church said were wrong and divorce.
1970s Adult Bookstores selling porn opened everywhere. Topless “Go-Go” Bars, and strip clubs. And Swinger magazines filled with ads from people looking for sex, just sex.
1973 Abortion legalized in a bizarre Supreme Court decision that referenced “emanations” and “penumbras” in the Constitution and a vague right to privacy.
1973 Homosexuality is removed from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of the American Psychiatric Association by non-scientific vote. Reference:
amazon.com/Homosexuality-American-Psychiatry-Ronald-Bayer/dp/0691028370
Movies and TV shows become more sexualized and will continue to become more so as time passes.
1980s Porn on cable. Did Christians ask for this?
No-Fault Divorce completes its sweep of the country. I open the newspaper to the classifieds and see many ads that read like this: “No kids? $75 and you’re out. Call 800-DIVORCE.”
Broken families helped dissolve ties with aunts, uncles, in-laws, and children.
1990s
Into the abyss. Church parking lots empty and mall parking lots fill up. Casual sex. Cohabitation with sex. We try to fill our lives with material things while ignoring Godly things.
We protested for decades, but high-priced lawyers defended adult bookstores, adult movie theaters, strip clubs and topless bars. “We have the First Amendment Right!” We were called “religious nuts.” Then add in shock jocks on the radio, obscene music, rap and shock jocks interviewing prostitutes, incorrectly called “porn stars.” And then, the internet. For the first time in history, Global 24/7 porn.
The Counter-Culture has become the dominant Noise in our lives. Everywhere we turn, it’s sex, sex and more sex, followed by celebrities getting divorced on a regular basis. And the worst part today? Some of us have become indifferent: “Hey, what’s the big deal? People can do what they want.” And yes, to a degree. Pope Benedict tells us:
"We are moving toward a dictatorship of relativism which does not recognize anything as for certain and which has as its highest goal one’s own ego and one’s own desires. The church must defend itself against threats such as “radical individualism” and “vague religious mysticism”. [emphasis added]
So the answer is No, we are not overreacting. And here’s the full story from a Catholic writer and former reporter:
amazon.com/Noise-Media-saturated-Dominates-Dismantles-Families/dp/1932927948
We must respond to this culture by rejecting most of it. By disconnecting sex from love, we are in need of returning to a true understanding of what human sexuality actually means and the right use of it. We are the Counter-Culture today. A culture of truth, understanding of Church teaching and being willing to obey it because it will heal us.
Peace,
Ed
M
merne9
Guest
until i read your post i thought i was the only one. my husband and i have had problems with pornography in the past which is why i’m a bit controlling. i blocked internet access from his phone and blocked several channels from the tv guide too. most of the stuff he watches is on the science and history channel but commercials i can’t control.
my husband and i have been working on our relationship and it’s helped that he compliments me more, we are intimate more often, and i feel better about my self.
my anger/jealousy has turned into simple annoyance now that i’ve slowly become more confidante and i’m convinced my husband finds me more attractive.
i think if you are aware of how amazing you look to your husband you wont feel jealous.
my husband and i have been working on our relationship and it’s helped that he compliments me more, we are intimate more often, and i feel better about my self.
my anger/jealousy has turned into simple annoyance now that i’ve slowly become more confidante and i’m convinced my husband finds me more attractive.
i think if you are aware of how amazing you look to your husband you wont feel jealous.
- Status