How do I convice

  • Thread starter Thread starter alabaster
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
A

alabaster

Guest
How do I convince my wife to give up sexual relations for purity? Since she is past the age of conception, as far as I can see, sex is just masturbation. Yes, I am serious, and struggle with this daily. I lust, and know that this is sin. I have decided that we are to live as brother and sister from now on, but she is unhappy with the situation.
Can anyone out there help me with a scripture that will support my position? My wife is very devout, and will agree to this if I can support it biblically
 
Yes, sex is used for conception, but it is also for the unity of the spouses. This fully allows the gift of self to each other. Denying your wife this gift of self could be quite emotionally painful and can be seen by her as her husband not fully loving her.

I don’t know of any bible verses that would back up what you are trying to say.
 
alabaster said:
How do I convince my wife to give up sexual relations for purity? Since she is past the age of conception, as far as I can see, sex is just masturbation. Yes, I am serious, and struggle with this daily. I lust, and know that this is sin. I have decided that we are to live as brother and sister from now on, but she is unhappy with the situation.
Can anyone out there help me with a scripture that will support my position? My wife is very devout, and will agree to this if I can support it biblically
Click to expand...
No we cannot help you find something to support this position because it is NOT a Catholic position.

Sexual intercourse between the spouses is objectively procreative and unitive when it is a completed act of intercourse. God designed it that way.

When a woman is past menopause, it is NOT a sin to have intercourse. The Church has not ever taught that it is sinful to have relations when past menopause or otherwise sterile.

And, moreover, it is actually a sin to WITHHOLD intercourse from your wife. That is Catholic teaching.

Please talk to a priest and get yourself straightened out spiritual. You are not sinning to engage in sexual relations with your wife. If you have some hang ups about sex, get some counseling.
 
\ Can anyone out there help me with a scripture that will support my position?\

**There IS no scripture to support your position. In fact, the Bible teaches the exact OPPOSITE.

That is because the ONLY reason in the NT to abstain from the marital act is only for a temporary period so that the couple may devote themselves to prayer.

Note that the key word is “temporary”.

Any other reason for a married couple abstaining the Bible clearly labels as LACK OF SELF-CONTROL, that is, unchastity!

In other words, YOU are trying to be unchaste and force your wife into unchastity with you.**

1 Cor 7

3 The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. 4 The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife.

5 Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

Sounds to me like you need to take this refusal to fulfill your spousal duties to confession
 
Let me start by saying that I’m totally in support of all catholic teachings on sexual matters (which is not to say I’m perfect in living them all out!) But you’re just plain nuts! You’ve accepted the twisted and hideously oversimplified version of catholic teaching against contraception (“Sex is only for making babies”).

This is NOT legitimate catholic teaching. Contraception is not wrong because it results in no babies. Contracetion is wrong because it INTENTIONALLY sterilizes what would otherwise be a fertile time. It throws the gift of fertility back into God’s face and changes the act of marital union into mutual using of one another.

But when GOD provides times of infertility, there is NO intention to sterilize. You are NOT trying to divorce the pleasure and union of sex from its life giving nature. In His wisdom, God gave us years to learn how to genuinely make love to our spouses without it degenerating into a mutual using of one another by linking that action to fertility. Then he gave us years more to apply that learned wisdom and keep up that loving union without it degenerating into mere lust/using after menopause.

You sound like you still have issues of seeing your wife as an object for your pleasure instead of your mate. Fair enough, we’re all fallen sinners, eh? But your solution is NOT fair to your wife and is going to deprive her of the marital bonding God intended for her to receive. Get a new solution. Find OTHER things to sacrifice for her sake to strengthen your bond to her as wife, not sex toy. Try E5men (google 'em).
 
alabaster said:
How do I convince my wife to give up sexual relations for purity? Since she is past the age of conception, as far as I can see, sex is just masturbation. Yes, I am serious, and struggle with this daily. I lust, and know that this is sin. I have decided that we are to live as brother and sister from now on, but she is unhappy with the situation.
Can anyone out there help me with a scripture that will support my position? My wife is very devout, and will agree to this if I can support it biblically
Click to expand...
Why would you want to live as brother and sister when you have taken vows as husband and wife? That would be be a betrayal to your wife. You are already brother and sister in Christ, that doesn’t change when we get married.
 
alabaster said:
How do I convince my wife to give up sexual relations for purity? Since she is past the age of conception, as far as I can see, sex is just masturbation. Yes, I am serious, and struggle with this daily. I lust, and know that this is sin. I have decided that we are to live as brother and sister from now on, but she is unhappy with the situation.
Can anyone out there help me with a scripture that will support my position? My wife is very devout, and will agree to this if I can support it biblically
Click to expand...
No wonder your wife is unhappy with the situation. You have thrown her a curve ball that is not healthy, not geared at building your relationship, and not correct.
 
Thanks all, for the replies.
Code: 
It is just that in the past I have so abused the gift of sex, that I find it hard to accept it.

My wife led me to Jesus and into the Catholic faith.  And believe me, the Catholic church has brought me a peace that I never expected, nor deserve.

It is just that in my past, I did so many sick things sexually...  Well, it all turned to ashes. Turned me away from God. Looking back on it, I feel ill.

I guess that I am looking at sex  like a recovering alcoholic looks at booze.  Just say no!

I know that to deny her is not being fair, especially as she has literally saved my life.  I do love her so much and would never wish to hurt her.

Any good books to read anyone?
 
Books???

Theology of the Body for Beginners by Christopher West

Holy Sex!! by Greg Popcack

Theology of the Body, human love in the divine plan by John Paul II
 
I appreciate that you may have your own personal demons to battle in regards to sex and lust. However, those are your battles, not your wife’s. Avoiding sex altogether is not an option in this case, and it’s not necessarily the best strategy either.

It’s akin to you having a problem with gluttony and deciding that the solution is not only for you to give up food altogether, but to insist that your wife stop eating too because her eating is a temptation for you. It’s impossible. You’ve got to eat to live. Similarly, sex is part of what keeps a marriage alive, at least apart from such time as BOTH partners agree to abstain or mutually experience a lack of interest.

The true solution, of course, is to seek counselling and advice in order to develop a healthy relationship with the food that you need to eat in order to live - or to develop a healthy attitude to sex so that you can share intimacy with your wife.
 
\ It is just that in the past I have so abused the gift of sex, that I find it hard to accept it.\

**This is why I said you should take this sin to confession. It’s called PRUDERY, which is just as much a sin against chastity as is promiscuity.

And yes, you should seek proper counselling.**
 
Ontop of what others have told you above,alabaster, in a short time you will find yourself viewing your wife in a hostile manner because you will blame her for tempting you,(inwardly) and the reason for this is becuase you are deliberatly withholding yourself from her.Only you know the oneness that is felt with your wife during…that is what you are deniying her the oneness of the marital relationship…Dear God because i was so bad and misused the things you gave me let me recieve no more joy in those things which were good…
 
alabaster said:
How do I convince my wife to give up sexual relations for purity? Since she is past the age of conception, as far as I can see, sex is just masturbation. Yes, I am serious, and struggle with this daily. I lust, and know that this is sin. I have decided that we are to live as brother and sister from now on, but she is unhappy with the situation.
Can anyone out there help me with a scripture that will support my position? My wife is very devout, and will agree to this if I can support it biblically
Click to expand...
There is no scriptural support for your position. To the contrary:

*“The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” (1 Cor 7:3-5) *

You sure have an “interesting” view of sex, intimacy and purity.
🤷
 
FiberZilla said:
You sure have an “interesting” view of sex, intimacy and purity.
🤷
Click to expand...
Not really imo, rather if you look at it this way::
i have a problem with being oversexed, remove any notion of having sex ever again should put it out of my mind.And it does but only for a short time,
 
Congratulations on identifying the reality of what lust is and the destructive sinful attitude 90% of men in our society have towards women in general as useful sex toys rather than magnificent creations of God.

But beware the devils GREATEST trick. You see sin inevitably has consequences. Sin is sin precisely because it profundly damages our soul. You can’t really cover that up forever. Eventually people realize what evil they’ve done and they want to correct. This is where that great/evil trick comes in. Usually there is a sin of equal gravity on the opposite side of the spectrum too. Once your conscience finally recognizes your sin and you repent of it, it is FAR too easy to OVERcorrect and veer into the opposite sin.

It’s like driving if you drift onto the shoulder and onto the soft dirt. You recognize GEEZE, I’m off the road and far too often the response is to YANK the wheel in the opposite direction and the car suddenly comes up onto the shoulder again, veers across both lanes of traffic and winds up upside down in the OPPOSITE side ditch.

Don’t overcorrect. Get a good confessor and ask for help. Prudery is as bad as lust.
 
alabaster said:
How do I convince my wife to give up sexual relations for purity? Since she is past the age of conception, as far as I can see, sex is just masturbation. Yes, I am serious, and struggle with this daily. I lust, and know that this is sin. I have decided that we are to live as brother and sister from now on, but she is unhappy with the situation.
Can anyone out there help me with a scripture that will support my position? My wife is very devout, and will agree to this if I can support it biblically
Click to expand...
No!! No!! No, no no!! Why would finding an extremely old sentence convince you to stop having sex with the person you love? Use common sense. There’s nothing wrong with what you’re thinking about giving up! Stop being one of those people who sees sin in almost anything.

Think of it this way…let’s say you do go through with this plan. I’m assuming you’d be doing it because you believe it’s the moral/righteous thing to do. So…everyone else who is still having sex with their post-menopausal wife is sinning? Is wrong in some way? Could you really believe that? Even IF you are right, you’d find your camp to be very empty.
 
fbl9 said:
Ontop of what others have told you above,alabaster, in a short time you will find yourself viewing your wife in a hostile manner because you will blame her for tempting you,(inwardly) and the reason for this is becuase you are deliberatly withholding yourself from her.Only you know the oneness that is felt with your wife during…that is what you are deniying her the oneness of the marital relationship…Dear God because i was so bad and misused the things you gave me let me recieve no more joy in those things which were good…
Click to expand...
Code: 
Yes, thats it.  I have confused the pleasure I have derived from sin with the idea that all pleasure is sin.  I owe the replies here, and Thomas Mertons 'Moral Theology of the Devil' to a rethinking of my position. 
Have been praying on this, and was not expecting the replies that I received.  I kind of expected support for my position. On reflection, glad it went the other way.
I am a recent convert, April 11, 2009, and have devoured the catechism.  I do love the Catholic church. And I do love my wife, and there is no reason I can not love both.
Will be going to confession soon. It has been awhile but I always feel better after.  I have been told before by prists that I suffer from scrupulosity. Well, I will have to work on that.
Thanks again for all the replies, any more suggestions for books to read?

God Bless
 
Yes, check to see what the CCC has to say on this topic, It was always my understanding that if conception is not possible then sexual intercourse was to be avoided. I could be wrong in that though, that is why I recommend checking the CCC and talking to your Priest.
I think that everyone here has given some excellent advice, however the CCC will tell you exactly how the church views this. Your priest should also be able to give you some advice on how to proceed, as well as guide you and your wife through this process.
 
Rob_Brown said:
Yes, check to see what the CCC has to say on this topic, It was always my understanding that if conception is not possible then sexual intercourse was to be avoided. I could be wrong in that though…
Click to expand...
You are wrong, but it is a common misunderstanding. What is morally wrong is to PURPOSELY sterilize sexual intercourse. There is no moral problem for a married couple enjoying God’s gift of sex during naturally infertile times, post menopause times, etc. Even those who were intentionally sterilized (vasectomy or tubal) can repent of what they did, confess, be forgiven and resume normal married sex. The repentance, of course, must be genuine, not loophole seeking…

Something subtle and destructive when people purposely sterilize their lovemaking. The act of sterilizing it makes it less than lovemaking. That’s why its wrong.
 
manualman said:
You are wrong, but it is a common misunderstanding. What is morally wrong is to PURPOSELY sterilize sexual intercourse. There is no moral problem for a married couple enjoying God’s gift of sex during naturally infertile times, post menopause times, etc. Even those who were intentionally sterilized (vasectomy or tubal) can repent of what they did, confess, be forgiven and resume normal married sex. The repentance, of course, must be genuine, not loophole seeking…

Something subtle and destructive when people purposely sterilize their lovemaking. The act of sterilizing it makes it less than lovemaking. That’s why its wrong.
Click to expand...
Thanks for the clarification!! It is much appreciated.

God Bless
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top