How do I convince my parents to allow me to marry a non-catholic girl, whom I dearly love?

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ReoDoem

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I was born & raised in a catholic home in Mumbai, India. My parents are ever loving & always wanted the best for me, be it professional or personal life. They always encouraged me to complete my higher studies, but never nagged me to it. Over years I’ve developed a open mind towards life, traveled places, studied abroad and have gone through various situations (good & bad) in my life. I respect religious views, lead a good life, but one might not call me an ideal catholic. In all this hustle & bustle, I have found the love of my life, she loves me too & we want to get married. She’s born and brought up in Mumbai in a non-catholic home.

My parents are unhappy with my decision. Their main concern is that I want to marry someone other than our faith & she would continue to follow her religion. They question about the upbringing of children, following religious traditions & festivals, attending family events, society pressure etc.

I want my parents & family to be happy for us & with us. How do I convince them?
 
I think one thing that might ease your parents fears is if you speak to your potential bride and actually speak about religion and whether she is okay with raising your children in the Faith. If she is willing to let you do that, that might help calm your parents fears.
 
First of all, your parents aren’t marrying this girl, you are. They may never come round to the idea, but they cannot stop you from marrying her.

With regards to questions about children and the like - have you thought of them? It is a big deal and will probably become bigger when you have children. You don’t have to give answers to your parents but it is good to have answers to them.

Also consider how your future wife is going to deal with the issues your parents see with marrying a non-Catholic. Will they try to exclude her, or convert her? Will they undermine what you and her set in place for your children? Make sure she knows the realities of what she is entering.
 
I’m not sure you can convince your parents. For many parents, it is a very important thing to marry someone of the same religion. But, as others have stated, one thing you might discuss with this girl is whether she would be willing to bring up your children in the Catholic faith. Or, better yet, would she also be willing to convert to Catholicism? BTW, what do her parents think about her marrying someone outside of their faith? Ultimately, as an adult, you have to make choices in life, some of them very hard choices.
 
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I am married to a non-Catholic.
I never thought it would be a problem bc my husband is Luthern. It’s been a HUGE problem. The best advice I can give you is agreeing (and get it in writing!) to raise your kids Catholic and get it in writing that you want to send your kids to Catholic schools. The Catholic RE programs for public schools kids are weak. There are zero good Catholic summer camps that aren’t sports or just fun, no Catholic teaching. With only one parent Catholic I have to do everything and battle the liberal, secular programming of public schools. It’s not easy.

I had absolutely NO CLUE. I was so naive. I went to all Catholic schools and all Catholic all-girls schools. I wish someone told me how to navigate this road.

Well, 19 years later and 3 kids, 2 are Catholic and one is deciding. This is what public schools do. They tell them all religions are the same and equal!

Please pray for my oldest son he completes his confirmation. He says now he wants to think about it.

Another thing to think about, Is her religion a Christain religion? Bc if it’s not, your kids will be praying to a god and learning a religion you don’t understand. Moms take charge of the religion usually.

Learn from my mistakes. I wish I had known more about public schools.
 
ReoDoem said:
How do I convince them?
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Talk to your Catholic priest. He should be able to explain to you the procedure for marrying a non-Catholic so that the marriage will be considered valid by the Catholic Church. If the Catholic Church is going to recognize the validity of your marriage, then your family should be happy for you.
 
The first step is to grow truly strong in your Faith. Lest you may be overwhelmed and your kids and go astray.
 
ReoDoem said:
My parents are unhappy with my decision. Their main concern is that I want to marry someone other than our faith & she would continue to follow her religion. They question about the upbringing of children, following religious traditions & festivals, attending family events, society pressure etc.
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They have some valid concerns, and you and your girlfriend should definitely talk about all of these things before contemplating marriage.
ReoDoem said:
I respect religious views, lead a good life, but one might not call me an ideal catholic.
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Not sure what you mean by this. If you intend to practice the faith you need to talk to your pastor regarding mixed marriages and the promises you, as a Catholic, make. Or if she is not Christian this is called a disparity of cult.
ReoDoem said:
I want my parents & family to be happy for us & with us. How do I convince them?
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You may not be able to. As an adult, you make your own decisions, but it is hard to have family who make trouble in your marriage. So you will have to stand up to your parents.

That is not easy in your culture.
 
Thanks @CoeurRempli Yes, I would bring up my children as Catholics, my gf doesn’t have a problem with it.
 
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Thanks @Todd_Easton. That’s an excellent point.
 
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Thanks @Lou2u I would bring up my children as Catholics. I’ve kept the option of converting all up to my gf and don’t want to request or pester her to convert. I believe she should convert if she’s got the calling from God and not because she wants to get married to me.
 
I’ve dated but not married, people outside of my faith. I find that their inability to accept what I consider reality, which is that Christ is is the only way, eventually under minded my ability to feel comfortable being myself.

I felt like I had to leave out the most important part of my life in order not to offend the other person’s faith. In addition I found it difficult to believe that they took me seriously as a person when they felt that’s some of my core beliefs, my devotion to Christ, were in fact a fantasy. I felt humored like a child who believes in a Fairytale.

On my side of it, I also found their faith to be false. To be Christian, can be compatible. I find that I am not compatible with anyone who professes another God. I feel they have been fooled just as they feel the same of me. I don’t see this as a foundation for my life. I want to share Christ with my spouse. I believe it is the key to a long-lasting deep marriage based in holiness.

I don’t see how that is possible if one half of the marriage does not believe in Christ. However, if God is not first in the individuals, then they can get over this gap, brushing each other’s reality aside. To be Catholic is to live Catholic.
 
Yes only the Holy Spirit can move a person to the truth, once she feels that call you can help her.
 
You’re in my prayers. My strongest suggestion would be to go very slow and give time for God to reveal his will.
 
I would like to know if she is a Christian as well.

I think your question has been answered regarding convincing your parents.
Would you consider having a conversation with her regarding the cardinal virtues? Please have a look at this page of teaching and take one topic at a time, both of you read it, and have a discussion. Not only do I wish for YOU to grow in your faith, I wish that you would have a life partner that will hold your hand and walk along side, in the faith.
http://www.vatican.va/archive/ccc_css/archive/catechism/p3s1c1a7.htm
 
Most of us are in the US, Canada, Europe. The social and family dynamics of your culture are so very different that it is difficult to give advice.

Make an appointment with your pastor, speak with him as he can better advise you than a bunch of 'Mericans 🙂
 
As a person who grew up in a home with unbelieving parents, what I lived with every day was watching parents with bitterness, resentment, unforgiveness, alcoholism and addictions. I came into the church in my 20’s and came to greatly appreciate the grace, the love, the help, that the sacraments give to a person. I cannot even imagine leaving the gift of Life that Christ gives to a believer. What a very dark hole I grew up in and the light of Christ is blinding. Thank God.

If you haven’t experienced the love of Christ and walking in grace to the fullest, I am glad to tell you there’s more! There’s lots more! And this world needs you to be plugged into the power of God and to bring down graces on this world. This is what the saints did in living their life. This is your time and your calling too.

Choosing a life partner that does not believe in Christ and does not go to the sacraments seems to me like a train wreck in slow motion. It’s like someone driving a car, going into traffic, and covering his right eye with his right hand. Then, rationalizing that they can still drive perfectly fine, one hand on the wheel is sufficient, one eye is fine. But WHY would you? You could get seriously hurt, and others could also get seriously hurt or killed, and they could be children. It’s not just about you alone you have to share this road with lots of other people when you get behind the wheel. That life partner who is a follower of Christ, that goes to the sacraments, is the other hand and the other eye. Why wouldn’t you want this for yourself and your children? Your grandchildren. This is what I wish for you.
 
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