How do I court a Catholic Girl?

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OctobersOwn

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Hello all! Been perusing these forums a lot but thought I’d finally join and ask for advice about something weighing down my heart.
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I'm a sophmore in college and loving it! We have a GREAT catholic ministry there. The Lord is doing amazing things, and I couldn't be happier with the group of people I've met and the journey we're all taking to follow Christ.

Like a lot of these stories go.....well there's a girl. Let's call her Katie. She's completely what I imagine a daughter of Christ to be - she's so humble, good, (not to mention beautiful) and wrapped up in praising God with every aspect of her life. Her family is the complete opposite of mine - it's a family so God-centered that it simply radiates to all those lucky enough to know them. 

I feel completely at ease with Katie. We debate theology, philosophy, movies, books, LIFE for hours. I'm only 20, and I don't really have any 'game', but I know there's attraction and kinship and more between us, and it's growing everyday.
Together we’ve started an apologetics and philosophy club and gotten some of the brightest minds together to search for Truth and dedicate our lives to the Lord. I feel like I could do this FOR LIFE, and would want her by my side fighting with me 🙂

But I can’t ask her out…One of my friends, we’ll call him Jared, is head over heels about her too. Jared has asked her out. She’s said no. She was going through a period of discernment, and called to be single right now…and basically said that she cannot date ‘right now’. But everyone knows she wants to be a mom, but you have to date before that!

How the heck do I approach this situation? If I straight up ask her out, I think she would say yes. But I would be betraying a good friend. He is basically in the same boat as me, except he’s been rejected and ‘waiting’ for her to decide. This is gonna sound bad, but I think she’s already decided. So I’m stuck in the middle of this, and no clue how to go about this. What is the right thing to do?
 
OctobersOwn said:
Hello all! Been perusing these forums a lot but thought I’d finally join and ask for advice about something weighing down my heart.
Code: 
I'm a sophmore in college and loving it! We have a GREAT catholic ministry there. The Lord is doing amazing things, and I couldn't be happier with the group of people I've met and the journey we're all taking to follow Christ.

Like a lot of these stories go.....well there's a girl. Let's call her Katie. She's completely what I imagine a daughter of Christ to be - she's so humble, good, (not to mention beautiful) and wrapped up in praising God with every aspect of her life. Her family is the complete opposite of mine - it's a family so God-centered that it simply radiates to all those lucky enough to know them. 

I feel completely at ease with Katie. We debate theology, philosophy, movies, books, LIFE for hours. I'm only 20, and I don't really have any 'game', but I know there's attraction and kinship and more between us, and it's growing everyday.
Together we’ve started an apologetics and philosophy club and gotten some of the brightest minds together to search for Truth and dedicate our lives to the Lord. I feel like I could do this FOR LIFE, and would want her by my side fighting with me 🙂

But I can’t ask her out…One of my friends, we’ll call him Jared, is head over heels about her too. Jared has asked her out. She’s said no. She was going through a period of discernment, and called to be single right now…and basically said that she cannot date ‘right now’. But everyone knows she wants to be a mom, but you have to date before that!

How the heck do I approach this situation? If I straight up ask her out, I think she would say yes. But I would be betraying a good friend. He is basically in the same boat as me, except he’s been rejected and ‘waiting’ for her to decide. This is gonna sound bad, but I think she’s already decided. So I’m stuck in the middle of this, and no clue how to go about this. What is the right thing to do?
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The ‘right thing to do’ is to ask her out.

Your friend will stay a friend even if she says yes, if he’s any sort of friend. If he gets upset and chastises you, then he wasn’t much of a friend in the first place.

You owe it to yourself, and maybe to her, to ask.
 
Is the other fella catholic? If not that may be why she turned him down. She may be “discerning” whether to date a non-catholic or not.
Anyway. I agree with the previous poster. Go ahead and ask her out on a very public, type date. You know a movie and a meal (if you can find a movie a catholic would want to see).
If she agrees to go out, you could even mention about your friend to her and see what she has to say about him. That way you will know where you and he stand. Being honest and up front about this from the start might shortcut a major problem with him.

As for “courting a Catholic Girl”, it sounds like you’ve already got a good start. Meet the family and be willing to hang out with them. Be a gentleman. There are dang few of us left these days it seems. Treat her like she’s gold. Hold doors and chairs. No off color language. When you r going to b e around her dress like you “thought about it”. I don’t mean a suit and tie, but definitely no pants below your bu++ either. You know that I mean.

Also remember that this is a time of discernment for you too. The woman you seek is not only going to be the mother of your children, but your life-mate and companion for 50(?) years as well. You will need to take some time to make sure you are compatable on many levels like marital roles, goals, use of money etc. Not that some of these things won’t change over time, in fact most probably will, but how easy can you talk and decide these things.
I hope you know what I mean. It’s been along time since I dated anyone. Not sure if I would even remember how. 😛
Anyways - Just some thoughts from an old guy who made some mistakes years ago.

Peace
James
 
On top of what I said, the advice given you by JRKH is mighty fine advice and as good as you will ever hear. Be a gentleman and take your time, be honest and upfront with everything and you’ll do OK.

While you are at it, make sure you understand the meaning of ‘discernment’ thoroughly. Too many people, young and old, seem to have forgotten that discernment is a vital ingredient of being a mature human being.
 
When I first read the title of your thread I thought, “The same way you date any other girl.” 😃 (ETA: I would hope any young man would treat every young lady they are dating respectfully as someone special no matter what her religion.)

After reading your post I realized that it is more of a “Should I date this particular Catholic girl?” IMHO, you should try. At least let her know that you are interested. You do not want to be pushy, but you do not want her to think of you as only a friend.

Ask her out for coffee, let her know you know about her discernment, and tell her that you to are discerning. Offer to pray with her. And if it isn’t time for you two to be a couple, continue to be her friend
 
For starters, you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your mind, all your strength, and all your spirit. You know the second part of that. If this girl is doing the same, she will see that you love the Lord above all persons and things. Then she will know that you are indeed the kind of Catholic man she wants to marry.
 
piejesu said:
For starters, you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your mind, all your strength, and all your spirit. You know the second part of that. If this girl is doing the same, she will see that you love the Lord above all persons and things. Then she will know that you are indeed the kind of Catholic man she wants to marry.
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That being said, the girl isn’t a mindreader. If you’re interested, ask her out.
 
How the heck do I approach this situation? If I straight up ask her out, I think she would say yes.
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You’re being a little bit egotistical, don’t you think?🤷

Expect her to say no…because even if she is interested in you she may feel as it’s a betrayal of herself to go out at this time in her life.

It also could be that she’s interested in your friend and dosn’t truly feel ready to date.
 
I have heard a lot lately about guys worried about betraying their friend by going with a girl that they either broke up with long ago or where the girl rejected him. To me it seems that when a relationship ends or someone is turned down, it ends any claim of exclusivity that any guy can expect. Is a girl supposed to be off limits forever once a friend shows interest in a girl? To me it seems very constraining and like a very manipulative power play.
 
Will you be going different directions when the school year ends? If so, why consider an exclusive relationship when you know you will be apart very soon?
 
Thanks for the responses. I’m starting to feel like I should just man up and ask her out, I can’t stand the thought of regretting this later on.

To answer some of the questions. Jared IS catholic, and very strong in his faith and all-around a very great guy. I think maybe some of my doubts about me and Katie stem not really from direct friendship with Jared (aka we’re not best-buds) but rather that everyone else think Jared and Katie should be together.

Has anyone else found dating catholic is different? I think its much more deeper. Plus I can’t wait for marriage as a sacrament is going to be off the hook. I read somewhere that catholics that go to mass regularly have a 3% divorce rate compared to the national 50% or whatever it is. I’ve NEVER dated a catholic girl before, I used to hang around a much different crowd in high school (and still do to an extent), aka drinking/partying/everyone hooking up.
 
OctobersOwn said:
Has anyone else found dating catholic is different? I think its much more deeper.
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Well, it’s hard to generalize. In my experience, Catholic girls were just as likely as any other to be devout or blasphemous, chaste or wild, smart or dumb, or any other thing.

I’m sure glad I married one, though!
 
srlucado said:
Well, it’s hard to generalize. In my experience, Catholic girls were just as likely as any other to be devout or blasphemous, chaste or wild, smart or dumb, or any other thing.
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Totally true. Sometimes we want to assume that people in our social/religious group are more virtutous-we need to combat that. Catholic men and women are just that-men and women. We can be shallow, egotistical, humble or intelligent-sinners one day, saints the other.

I’ve dated people who weren’t religious and they where saints-I’ve dated people who where Christians and they where , well…less than that.
 
Rascalking said:
I’ve dated people who weren’t religious and they where saints-I’ve dated people who where Christians and they where , well…less than that.
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That’s totally LOL. You’re so tactful rascal!
 
Rascalking said:
Totally true. Sometimes we want to assume that people in our social/religious group are more virtutous-we need to combat that. Catholic men and women are just that-men and women. We can be shallow, egotistical, humble or intelligent-sinners one day, saints the other.

I’ve dated people who weren’t religious and they where saints-I’ve dated people who where Christians and they where , well…less than that.
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My first boyfriend was a practicing Catholic, and he thought it was alright to abuse women (I ended up in the hospital several times before we broke up because he was sleeping with my best friend who was Catholic as well), so the label doesn’t make the person better.

On the other hand, my late fiancee was secular but the most wonderful man I’ve ever met (and the way Catholic men should be): kind, strong, smart, loving, etc. Religion doesn’t make people holy, faith does. 😃
 
OctobersOwn said:
But I can’t ask her out…One of my friends, we’ll call him Jared, is head over heels about her too. Jared has asked her out. She’s said no. She was going through a period of discernment, and called to be single right now…and basically said that she cannot date ‘right now’. But everyone knows she wants to be a mom, but you have to date before that!
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Be careful about a woman who doesn’t want to date, doesn’t want to commit etc. Be careful about a woman who has told a man she can’t date when in fact she just didn’t want to date him. You need a woman, who 1) is ready to commit, 2) gives truthful messages.

You don’t want to be desiring a girl day by day when she just doesn’t to think that way about you.
 
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