Banks require loan repayment (at interest) and employers require performance. Judging solely from your report, you apparently have not been requiring anything of your daughter. However much she has been “kicked around” in the world, she has been given by you all of the advantages of success and none of the responsibilities. Why should she work for a living if she can have her needs and desires satisfied without it? And why should she have any self-esteem (or self-respect) if she doesn’t have to work for her support?
At this point, I would be even stricter with your daughter than your sister has advised. I recommend immediately cutting off any non-essential support (e.g., cell phone, discretionary spending money, etc.) and giving her a non-negotiable deadline for both moving out permanently and taking over responsibility for her essentials. You can offer to help her create a budget, an “exit plan,” and other essentials for “making it” on her own during the time she has left under your roof, but leave the choice up to her if she accepts. If she doesn’t move out on time, evict her and resist any temptation to “rescue her” should she become “destitute.” If she can’t swim and becomes “destitute” (which she may try out of manipulation), give her a referral to local social services (e.g., Catholic Charities, homeless shelter, etc.).
You may wonder why I’m advising you to be so strict. Look at it this way: Try to imagine what would happen to your daughter if, God forbid, you died tomorrow. It is very likely she’d go through exactly this scenario. By forcing her to grow up while you’re still alive, you are giving her one more “soft place to land” since the world will not give her any kind of time or exit plan or referral to local charities should she truly become destitute after your death. The world will expect an adult woman educated sufficiently to work in a field with “good pay, great benefits, and great hours” to be capable of figuring out on her own how to take care of herself.
For more personalized assistance, you might want to contact the
Pastoral Solutions Institute, a Catholic counseling apostolate. God bless.
