How do I deal with cohabiting guests in my home?

[PeppyDep]

My wife and I are in disagreement about how to deal with her sister and her boyfriend when they visit. They are cohabitating and, when they visit our home, my wife is not comfortable with my asking them to sleep in separate bedrooms. She feels that we would be offending her sister to the point that she will simply not come and visit us again under those rules. I don’t want our children to see this but I would be a hypocrite if I did not admit that my wife and I cohabitated for almost a year before marrying. How do we handle this?

 

[Michelle_Arnold]

If your wife feels that she cannot ask her sister and her boyfriend to sleep in separate rooms, and you both are worried about appearing to be hypocrites because of your own past cohabitation, then you could simply make your home unavailable for overnight stays whenever cohabitors are in town.

When a visit is proposed, you or your wife might say cheerfully, “We’d be so happy to visit with you then! Where will you be staying while you’re here?” The implication is that your home is not available, but if a cohabitor says, “I thought we’d stay with you,” you can say regretfully, “I’m sorry, but we’re unable to have you stay at the house then. I’d be happy to recommend a good hotel for you.” (Keep a few possibilities in various price ranges posted near your phone for just such a need.)

I recommend not allowing yourself to be pressed into admitting why your house is mysteriously unavailable for overnight stays by cohabitors (but not for married couples like elderly parents). Just turn into a broken record that keeps repeating, “I’m sorry, but it’s just not possible.” Why? “Because it’s just not possible. I’m so sorry.”