How do I deal with evil people and stop abuse

[briemile]

Hello,

My mother abused my brothers and me and I was able to escape her by continuing my education. However, even in a college 1,000 miles away from her, she still found ways to manipulate me. One notable example is when she refused to sign my financial aid documents. My college gave me a full scholarship (valued at a little over $60,000 a year). THe only thing that I had to do was complete the Fafsa each year so that they’d know that my mother didn’t suddenly become Bill Gates overnight. When it came time for my mother to fill out the Fafsa she told me that she wouldn’t fill out the fafsa or sign my much needed documents because she was mad at a friend. Without all of her financial information, I couldn’t do it myself. I begged her almost daily to complete the forms because with my scholarship, I can’t go to school as my family is very poor. I asked my relatives if they could plead with her on my behalf but they all said that they didn’t want to get involved. I called my mother one day and I discovered that she had changed her cell phone number. I had no way to contact her and my relatives wouldn’t give me her new number because once again, they didn’t want to be involved (the same thing they told me and my brothers when we were younger and told them about the abuse). Eventually, she signed the papers because I told my relatives that if she didn’t, I would report her to the cops for the times that she stole my identity.

Now, my brothers are telling me that she’s abusing them again and my relatives are refusing to check on them because they don’t want to get involved (not this again) and I believe that they really don’t care. They believe that just because my brothers are 15 and 17, they can handle themselves against my mom but they obviously have no idea how the minds of abused children work. I’m only 19 and I’m so stressed. What can I do to help my brothers? I’m starting to think that my family is evil and I’m also starting to hate my family. To make matters worse, after my grandmother told me that she didn’t care about my brothers, I called her the b-word and now my entire family is mad at me. I’m starting not to care whether they’re mad at me or not.

 

[shainski]

Wow, that’s quite a story.

When you say abused- are they being physically abused in any way? If so, then you need to get them out of that household.

Did you have a church back at home - do you have a priest that you could confide in as to what to do? I believe that there are agencies all over that will assist. I’m not qualified to tell you what constitutes abuse - and you weren’t clear as to what it is. I think you should call a national hotline for abuse victims and see what options are available.

I would also contact your financial aid director about the problem with you mom filling in the financial forms. They may very well have seen issues before and having a way to deal with them. If you can remove the obstacle of your mom having this issue that she can hold over your head, you may have more leverage to help your brothers without feeling an imminent retribution.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

Go to your financial aid office if she ever again refuses to sign the forms. They will report the issue and the government will compel her to hand over the information.

 

[Allegra]

In the future, if you speak to the head of the financial aid office at your school, there will be able to help you out. This is actually not that unusual (sadly) and there are solutions that your college can help you with. If you are aware or believe that your brothers are being physically abused, you have an obligation to report it immediately, even if you don’t have “proof”. It’s not as easy with emotional abuse. Sometimes the best you can do is let your brother know that you are there for them. Assuming your brothers attend school, they can try and get help from the guidance counselor, though that can have very mixed results.

 

[briemile]

Go to your financial aid office if she ever again refuses to sign the forms. They will report the issue and the government will compel her to hand over the information.

I talked to them and they told me that she has to sign them or I won’t receive my financial aid. They didn’t care that my mother was refusing to sign them. I told them about the abuse and requested a dependent override but they said that I would have to have proof of the abuse which I didn’t because no one in my family ever reported her. I do remember that once, a teacher saw a burn on me but I don’t think she ever told. She just asked me what happened and that was all.

 

[briemile]

Wow, that’s quite a story.

When you say abused- are they being physically abused in any way? If so, then you need to get them out of that household.

Did you have a church back at home - do you have a priest that you could confide in as to what to do? I believe that there are agencies all over that will assist. I’m not qualified to tell you what constitutes abuse - and you weren’t clear as to what it is. I think you should call a national hotline for abuse victims and see what options are available.

I would also contact your financial aid director about the problem with you mom filling in the financial forms. They may very well have seen issues before and having a way to deal with them. If you can remove the obstacle of your mom having this issue that she can hold over your head, you may have more leverage to help your brothers without feeling an imminent retribution.

It was physical abuse and verbal abuse. We had to miss school some days because she didn’t want anyone to see our bruises.

 

[shainski]

It was physical abuse and verbal abuse. We had to miss school some days because she didn’t want anyone to see our bruises.

Yes, this is something beyond what I am qualified to help you with. Please do a search on the “Child abuse hotlines” and find out from professionals what your options are. (also, your options may vary from country to country - state to state).

Right now - since you are 1000 miles away - you can be free from the physical abuse (although, you may need counselling to deal with the baggage you may have). But you need to find the best options for your brothers.

God bless you for making that your concern.

 

[agnes_therese]

It was physical abuse and verbal abuse. We had to miss school some days because she didn’t want anyone to see our bruises.

Child abuse hotline, police . . . something along those lines, but right away. And they need to know about the other family members who were aware of the abuse but wouldn’t do anything about it.

I know it will be hard for you, but since the entire family is mad at you anyway, it’s not as though you had relationships you wanted to keep. The important thing is to get your brothers out of there as fast as possible.

 

[UbiCaritas]

Other posters have told you what to do as far as the child abuse situation goes.

I do, however, have direct experience with the FAFSA and dependency overrides. Suffice to say that I was in a similar situation to yours.

The lady at the financial aid office is wrong. I had to deal with one like her before because dependency overrides are annoying and time-consuming, and she didn’t want to have to handle it. Ergo, I spoke to a supervisor, and kept moving up the chain of command until I could get help.

Proof of abuse is NOT required. I had no such proof. What IS required is that you fill out whatever the institutional paperwork may be for the dependency override and write a letter explaining in detail about the abuse and why your mother won’t support you or assist you in getting financial aid, and that she refuses to sign the FAFSA or provide tax information. A similar letter will be required from a person who knows you and your situation very well. This is usually a professional of some sort (clergy or a psychiatrist, for example) but is sometimes a family member. Another statement may be asked for from someone who has known you for a long time but isn’t a relative. That was required at my college, but my sister’s college only required the first two. You may find it helpful to speak with a counselor on campus who can help you go through this process; though dependency overrides are rare, I find it highly unlikely at best that you will have been the only student on that campus to have to deal with such a thing.

Good luck!