How do I deal with loneliness?

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joshrp

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Hi,

The past few nights have been pretty bad just in how agonizingly lonely I have felt. I’m sort of used to feeling lonely, but the past couple nights it has affected me physically, causing some pain in my stomach and just painful tension throughout all of my muscles. I figure maybe it is time I ask how I can deal with this sort of intense loneliness? If God wants me to have this kind of suffering which His Son felt on the Cross, then I will accept it, and offer it up to Him. But if he wants me to develop a close and trusting relationship with other people, so that we can together carry out His will, then I guess I should ask other people on how to do that. I’ve been trying to start prayer groups or something on campus in the Catholic Center ministry, but I’ve been given the excuse that it is difficult to have these things because people are so busy with schoolwork and jobs, that they don’t have the time. I just think this is ridiculous. If you have the time to study with people, why don’t you have time to pray with other people. So many Catholics don’t realize that the more you pray, the more work you get done. You go to school to learn how to work with other people in a field. If you don’t know how to pray with other people, you won’t know how to do anything with them, especially when problems come up.

Joshua
 
Well, to start out with, why do you think you are lonely? What is the source? Are you lonely for someone whom you miss, like a family member; or is there a specific type of companionship you feel is missing? What do you think would most successfully remove your loneliness?
 
Loneliness isn’t about having people around you. Talent, financial success, fame, even adoration, offers no protection against feeling lonely. It’s not about proximity to other people or the number of family and friend a person has but about feeling connected to someone. You’ll have to go out and try to form connections with people and nurture the ones you currently have. This will help reduce and/or remove your feelings of loneliness.
 
Soldier_Of_God said:
Loneliness isn’t about having people around you. Talent, financial success, fame, even adoration, offers no protection against feeling lonely. It’s not about proximity to other people or the number of family and friend a person has but about feeling connected to someone. You’ll have to go out and try to form connections with people and nurture the ones you currently have. This will help reduce and/or remove your feelings of loneliness.
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👍

This is so true.

OP-Your in my prayers. There is nothing worse than lonliness. We’ve all been there before, if someone hasn’t, then they are worse than lonely-they are delusional.

Get up, go out-find friends. It IS that easy. Join a club-take karate, try out for a play, join a Catholic singles group-there are alot of ways to beat lonliness.

The worst thing you can do is stay home locked away from the world.
 
Hello, Joshua-
I’m sorry to hear that you’ve been feeling lonely. We all know what loneliness feels like, and it’s very difficult to bear. My best advice would be the following:
  1. Don’t turn down any offers to go out with people (unless, perhaps, you don’t want to go to a bar or something like that). Often when we get lonely we tend to isolate ourselves.
  2. Initiate conversations with those around you & take an active interest in others lives. People can tell when others are genuinely interested in their lives, and it makes them want to be around that person more.
  3. Call up old friends you may have lost touch with and try to rekindle the friendship. Who knows, they may be missing you too 🙂
  4. Perhaps try to join a broad variety of groups, not just Catholic ones, but artistic ones, athletic ones, political ones, etc. This way, you will meet a broad variety of people and can develop friends whom each share different interests of yours.
    I hope this helps, and I wish you the best of luck
 
Not being a social butterfly myself, I know how you feel. Its not a bad idea to socialize. However, you mentioned gastro-intestinal symptoms, so that means its getting very bad. I had intense pain my whole freshman year of college, and it made me lonely becuase most people seemed to be enjoying college, wheras it made me miserable. These physical symptoms could also indicate anxiety. Anything bothering you? Perhaps being nervous about being lonely or not finding friends? I would suggest seeing a counselor or some type of support group for this problem.

@ joshrp: did you look into that book I suggested by Fr. Irala?
 
Josh:

I also had difficulty making friends in college. What I found that worked for me was to make myself more available. What do I mean by this? I would make myself go to events with people on my floor, even though I would have preferred to stay in my room. I would force myself out of my room, even though that was the last thing I wanted to do. As a result of this, I made friends that I never would have made otherwise.

Get a group together for pizza one night (maybe people on your floor?). Go to some frat parties if that’s your thing. The idea is to force yourself outside your comfort zone, with the results being that, before you know it, you will have more friends than you can shake a stick at. I hope this helps.
 
joshrp said:
Hi,

The past few nights have been pretty bad just in how agonizingly lonely I have felt. I’m sort of used to feeling lonely, but the past couple nights it has affected me physically, causing some pain in my stomach and just painful tension throughout all of my muscles. I figure maybe it is time I ask how I can deal with this sort of intense loneliness? If God wants me to have this kind of suffering which His Son felt on the Cross, then I will accept it, and offer it up to Him. But if he wants me to develop a close and trusting relationship with other people, so that we can together carry out His will, then I guess I should ask other people on how to do that. I’ve been trying to start prayer groups or something on campus in the Catholic Center ministry, but I’ve been given the excuse that it is difficult to have these things because people are so busy with schoolwork and jobs, that they don’t have the time. I just think this is ridiculous. If you have the time to study with people, why don’t you have time to pray with other people. So many Catholics don’t realize that the more you pray, the more work you get done. You go to school to learn how to work with other people in a field. If you don’t know how to pray with other people, you won’t know how to do anything with them, especially when problems come up.

Joshua
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If your 21, look into joining your local Elks Lodge. I’m a member of the Des Moines Elks and it’s like my second family.

Here’s more information on the Elks: elks.org/who/information.cfm
 
joshrp said:
Hi,

The past few nights have been pretty bad just in how agonizingly lonely I have felt. I’m sort of used to feeling lonely, but the past couple nights it has affected me physically, causing some pain in my stomach and just painful tension throughout all of my muscles. I figure maybe it is time I ask how I can deal with this sort of intense loneliness? If God wants me to have this kind of suffering which His Son felt on the Cross, then I will accept it, and offer it up to Him. But if he wants me to develop a close and trusting relationship with other people, so that we can together carry out His will, then I guess I should ask other people on how to do that. I’ve been trying to start prayer groups or something on campus in the Catholic Center ministry, but I’ve been given the excuse that it is difficult to have these things because people are so busy with schoolwork and jobs, that they don’t have the time. I just think this is ridiculous. If you have the time to study with people, why don’t you have time to pray with other people. So many Catholics don’t realize that the more you pray, the more work you get done. You go to school to learn how to work with other people in a field. If you don’t know how to pray with other people, you won’t know how to do anything with them, especially when problems come up.

Joshua
Click to expand...
If you’re over 21 (you may or may not be since it looks like you are in College), I would suggest looking into joining your local Elks Lodge. I’m an Elk and my Lodge is like my second family.

Here’s more information on the Elks and what we do: elks.org/who/information.cfm
 
I spend most of the day outside of the house. I either go to Church, or my university, where there is a Catholic center and I hang out in the lounge between classes and other appointments. I know a lot of people in Church. I’ve also had anxiety about whether to initiate any relationships with young women. At adoration yesterday, I had the idea that I would sacrifice dating anyone until everyone becomes Catholic. That seems a little extreme, but if the Lord wishes it, I would be willing to make that sacrifice of not having a close female companion in life, to prioritize evangelization of all people in the Catholic faith. It just seems that this sort of arrangement would get rid of a lot of anxiety about dating and what is healthy and unhealthy in an intimate relationship possibly leading to marriage. I have more anxiety about marriage than anything else, and it just seems that I would eliminate a lot of that anxiety if I gave up that prospect for the purpose of focusing on the conversion of the world. If the Holy Spirit wants me to marry a woman, He might as well have to make it loud and clear by sending me someone who is even more dedicated to the mission of the Church than I am.
 
If you are waiting for the conversion of the whole world you will have to wait for a very long time. In the mean time I think God wants you to get out of yourself and have relationships with other people. We are social beings you know.

There must be many things happening on a college campus. Go join them. They can’t all be spiritual all the time but it can lead to it. When you get into a group of friends then you could form a group of your own that is more spiritual. If you stay locked up people will think you want to be left alone.

We have all read the way to get out of loneliness is to join things. It seems like you get out but you do not do anything with other people. Join the clubs where you will have one on one interactions with others. Volunteer your time to help around campus and you will find other people who have the same interests as you do.

Don’t worry about relationships with young women that will come to you when you make friends. Friends like to do match making you know. LOL
 
I tend to agree with 0129141 ( above). Loneliness can be a symptom of clinical depression or other depression disorder and a professional counselor or therapist can figure this out for you. I have suffered loneliness too in the past and a mental health professional may be just the person you need at this time. God has given certain gifts to everyone and mental health professionals are no exception.
 
joshrp said:
I spend most of the day outside of the house. I either go to Church, or my university, where there is a Catholic center and I hang out in the lounge between classes and other appointments. I know a lot of people in Church. I’ve also had anxiety about whether to initiate any relationships with young women. At adoration yesterday, I had the idea that I would sacrifice dating anyone until everyone becomes Catholic. That seems a little extreme, but if the Lord wishes it, I would be willing to make that sacrifice of not having a close female companion in life, to prioritize evangelization of all people in the Catholic faith. It just seems that this sort of arrangement would get rid of a lot of anxiety about dating and what is healthy and unhealthy in an intimate relationship possibly leading to marriage. I have more anxiety about marriage than anything else, and it just seems that I would eliminate a lot of that anxiety if I gave up that prospect for the purpose of focusing on the conversion of the world. If the Holy Spirit wants me to marry a woman, He might as well have to make it loud and clear by sending me someone who is even more dedicated to the mission of the Church than I am.
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This makes me think you might have OCD/scrupolosity as well. I had it very bad a few years ago, and would do things like this all the time. Now it only comes back when I’m extremely stressed out. So if you are nervous and stressed out (college can burn you out real fast), this could come up too. In all honesty, you are not in your right mind now; your reason is not all it should be, its affected by the anxiety. I know it sounds mean, but I’ve been there and know. Don’t make any big life decision until you’ve seen a counselor for this. God bless:thumbsup:
 
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