How do I deal with my anti-Catholic father?

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kimwatt

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I have been married for three years. We dated for three years prior to getting married in 2006. My husband is Catholic and I am Protestant, he is 55 and I am 46. We have both been married before but were able to get married in the Catholic Church due to the fact that we were granted annulments.

My father constantly makes anti-Catholic comments under his breath every chance he gets when he is around my husband. My husband is gracious and ignores his comments. Well, during the Thanksgiving holiday, my father blew up and caused a scene that shocked and startled everyone present. He called my husband names and told him that Catholicism was “[expletive deleted].” This has caused a huge strain on the family and I do not want to subject my kids, ages 18-22, to his bigoted comments.

I love my family but do not like being around my father. I haven’t spoken to him since, but did express to my mother that we were both tired of his comments and asked how his being Catholic warrants this treatment, when very close friends of theirs are Jehovah’s Witness and Mormon. Her reply to me was, “Well, they aren’t family.” So their friends rate better treatment than their own family.

How do I approach this with my parents? I love my husband and I love what he shares with me about his faith. I don’t want to be around my parents until there has been an apology and a promise of a hostility-free environment.
 
Perhaps you might meet with your parents and tell them calmly what you have said here – that you love them but that you won’t expose your husband to their anti-Catholic bigotry and that you will encourage your children (who are now grown and so must make their own decisions) to refuse to visit with them when bigotry of any kind is expressed. If your father or mother starts making anti-Catholic or any other bigoted comments in your presence, the visit will end immediately. Then follow through, no matter how uncomfortable it may be to either get up in the middle of a meal and leave, or to escort elderly parents to the door and bid them good day.

It might help if you begin the conversation by reminding your parents that they raised you to treat others with consideration and dignity; and that your actions now are intended to follow the training they themselves gave you. You might also wish to read the books listed below for further ideas.

Recommended reading:

God Help Me! These People Are Driving Me Nuts
by Gregory K. Popcak
When Difficult Relatives Happen to Good People by Leonard Felder
 
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