How do I deal with my foster kids' birth control?

[sweetpea8319]

My husband and I need advice. We are relatively new to the foster parenting system, and with our own children ages 2 years and 3 months, have discovered at this time in our life it is more feasible to be foster parents to teenagers. We are practicing Catholics, which means our beliefs are strictly different from the kids coming into our home, not to mention our family culture. Currently we have two foster girls, ages 16 and 17. The both have come into our home within the last month, which means we’ve been dealing with issues like cell phones, differences in sleeping schedules, home entertainment, meals, you name it. These two girls come from quite hard-knock life situations in their past, but are both still very worldly.

It has come to our attention this past week that both girls are on birth control. As Catholics, we believe this is intrinsically evil, and our own girls would never be prepped in this, but in NFP. We also know that any encouraging of its use is just as if we’re participating in the problem, and thereby sinning too. This issue is compounded by the fact that these girls are not our own, and the foster-care agency says any advising should be up to counselors or such with regards to birth control use, abortion, etc. Our dilemma is they’re living in our house, using this product. So, it’s like we’re supposed to raise these girls as our own, but not advise them morally? The girls also expect us to take them where they can get their next birth control pills/shot, or pick up their prescription sometimes.

What do we do? How should we react and approach the situation? (Is it as cut and dry as we need to stop having teens? I really do not like this thought because I know there is so much we can do for them and teach them by our example.) My husband and I just feel at a loss as to what steps and approach to take on this situation.

Please advise us as best you can.

 

[Michelle_Arnold]

Providing a safe, temporary home for at-risk teenagers is not the same thing as raising them as if they were your own children (biological or adopted). If you do not have the authority to counsel them on these issues or to require that they not use birth control, then you are not culpable for the foster-care agency’s choice to encourage it or the foster children’s choice to use it. But you cannot yourselves provide birth control or enable the use of it (e.g., picking up prescriptions, taking the girls to birth-control appointments).

I think what you and your husband need to do is to sit down with the agency and re-evaluate your responsibilities as foster parents. If the agency wants the authority to counsel the children on birth-control issues, then they should also take the responsibility to provide the girls with the birth control and arrange for them to receive their prescriptions. If the agency expects you to violate your conscience by aiding and abetting the use of contraception against your moral beliefs, then you may either have to drop out of the program or foster younger children.

Assuming you can reach a reasonable compromise with the foster-care agency and can continue to foster these girls in your home, you will have a moral responsibility to do what you can to monitor these girls’ safety while they’re in your home. I can only recommend then that you keep a close eye on their health. Birth control devices and medications can have life-threatening side effects and you’ll need to be vigilant about making sure the girls receive immediate and proper medical care should they experience these side effects. And, since abortion is all too often a “secondary birth control” when contraception fails, and since you’ll likely be kept in the dark by the girls and the agency should an abortion be sought, you’ll need to be prepared for the possibility of life-threatening side effects to abortion.

For more information and assistance, I recommend contacting the Pastoral Solutions Institute, a Catholic counseling apostolate.