How do I deal with my guilt?

[Sinnermc]

Hi all, it’s my first post here so bare with me. I am 34 yrs old, happily married and catholic. Raised catholic my whole life. By no means am I a good catholic. I try, but in the eyes of God I know I can be very selfish. Recently, I have been becoming more involved in church and getting back to pray. The last 5 yrs or so I haven’t been a good catholic. Let me also preface this with the fact that I have OCD. That being said, I recently started to question my faith and I felt really guilty about it. I am what some people call a “biker”. I have tattoos, many tshirts with skulls, skulls in my garage, etc. with the guilt of not being the best person I can be in gods eyes, I went to confession the other day. Probably the first time in 5 yrs. I told the priest my sins, the tattoos, the pornography, questioning jesus, etc. he obsolved me of my sins an I felt a little better. I still feel the guilt of some of the things I do, the way I look with the tattoos and everything. I am truly sorry to have offened God if he is not happy with me. I don’t want to offend anyone, it’s just the style I like. Above all I love God. I just don’t want to look like Justin bebier. It’s not me. This guilt is killing me and I apologize for my sins, but I still dont know what to do.

 

[Matt_Fradd]

Hi, thank you for your question.

It sounds as if you are struggling with scrupulosity. According to the Journal of Clinical Psychology (volume 63, issue 10), “In scrupulosity, a person’s obsessions focus on moral or religious fears, such as the fear of being an evil person or the fear of divine retribution for sin. Although it can affect nonreligious people, it is usually related to religious beliefs.”

Pleased be assured that scrupulosity is not a cross which the Lord desires you to carry but a scourge which He desires to free you from!

You say you have approached the sacrament of confession? Rejoice brother! You are free! When we approach the Sacrament of confession with contrition (even imperfect contrition, eg. fear of hell) and we do not intentionally withhold mortal sin…IT"S FORGIVEN! Be at Peace!

Please meditate upon the words of St. Claude de la Colombiere, who wrote “I glorify You in making known how good You are towards sinners, and that Your mercy prevails over all malice, that nothing can destroy it, that no matter how many times or how shamefully we fall, or how criminally, a sinner need not be driven to despair of Your pardon…It is in vain that Your enemy and mine sets new traps for me every day. He will make me lose everything else before the hope that I have in Your mercy.”

In her mystical dialogs with our Lord, St. Catherine of Siena reported that our Lord said to her, “My mercy is greater without any comparison than all the sins creatures can commit. Therefore it greatly displeases me that they should consider their sins to be greater.”

I would suggest three things:

1. Find a good spiritual director
2. Listen to our radio show, “Countering Scrupulosity” - catholic.com/radio/shows/countering-scrupulosity-5585
3. Buy this book - amazon.com/Believe-Love-Personal-Retreat-Teaching/dp/1928832288

Please be assured of my on going prayers. I will walk to the chapel here at Catholic Answers right now and pray for you.

PS. Tattoos in and of themselves are not sinful. There is nothing intrinsically evil about coloring skin.