I wish I could be more welcoming Masada, and I hope you stay at CAF. But as far as I can see, your post is comparing apples and oranges.
There is a** big** difference between Roman-provincial Judiasm in 3BC-6AD, and 21st Century Netherlands and the Phillipines!
We are talking about a young woman of college age who lives in the 21st century, and has a boyfriend, both of whom are remaining chaste (Sarah). Her mother is angry, not her boyfriend, because Sarah did not tell her parents she had a boyfriend. Instead of realizing Sarah is 18 and in college, for whatever reason, her mother does not want her to go back to school for a semester as a punishment. She faces a variety of choices, with a variety of consequences. One of them might be to move out, but to do so in the Phillipines is an almost impossibility. Another might be to accept her mother’s dictate, but that might cause more problems within the household, as Sarah will have to be present with her mother for 3 months. Still another possibility is that Sarah get her passport, either from her father or the Netherlands consulate, and go back to Europe. Still another is that her father can get her mother’s emotions in check and Sarah will be able to return to school with a better understanding of what her mother expects- as not having a boyfriend was not a condition to attending university when Sarah started.
We are **not **talking about a ketubah, or Jewish marriage contract, and somebody turning up suddenly pregnant due to espousal to the Holy Spirit (Mary). Joseph’s obedience, in accepting Mary into his home, was not to his mother, but to God. Further, Mary did nothing wrong. There is no perceived reconciliation!
And no, everybody does not recommend that people leave their families, that husbands leave their wives, that children leave their parents. I could come up with three threads just off the top of my head where I can remember people were told to stick things out. Not everybody here said Sarah should move out. I, for one, hope her dad can smooth things out a bit. I further pointed in several questions of mine to Sarah that there were things to consider should she attempt to move out.
However, where there is abuse, yes, people recommend that in abusive situations, individuals get out- to preserve their lives, or to preserve their sanity, or both. The Church does not even mandate that abused spouses or children stay in situations of physical or extreme mental abuse. Further, where there is a marriage (and this is **not **even close to a marriage!), where one of the spouses has behaved so badly that the spouse in question does not want to retrieve the marriage (as in the case of the poor young man whose wife preferred women and had relations with them, or a putative husband who’s already made a second family in his gifrlfriend and their new baby), then yes, it’s time to protect oneself and one’s children with a civil divorce, and petition for a decree of nullity.
And I, for one, am tired of hearing about how bad it is to be independent! That is usually a segue into how horrible developed nations are for encouraging independence, how indepdence is a sin, and that usually (not always) leads into a trashing of the US, the UK, Canada, and Australia. It is not a sin to be independent. It is not a sin for a legal adult in any culture to pack up, for whatever reason, and leave home, as long as sin does not result from that legal adult’s lifestyle in leaving home. The United States was founded by a lot of people who left home- and so was Canada, and Australia.
I hope you won’t judge me too harshly, and I hope my words did not antagonize you.
