How do I deal with the non-Catholics at my sister's deathbed?

[CPC]

My 23-year-old nephew (with a history of emotional, psychological, and legal troubles) has fallen in with a non-Catholic Christian group. My sister, a devout Catholic, has terminal cancer and has been moved into a hospice center. Yesterday, my nephew and his pastor and the pastor’s wife prayed over my sister. The social worker thought this would be okay as the nephew needed to deal with his mother’s dying. After the pastor and his wife left the room, my nephew proceeded to tell my sister that all she needed to do was believe and she could get out of bed.

When he left the room, I told him that his mother was a believing Christian before he was born and he needs to focus on the fifth commandment (honor your mother and father in the Protestant numbering). He said there were only two commandmants. Love Jesus and spread the gospel (his sect does not believe in holding a job, either). The pastor basically confirmed the concept about my sister’s presumed non-belief and I asked them how they explained death. He said that he (the pastor) would be alive until Jesus returned to earth. Any ideas on how I should handle these people the next time they show up at the hospice?

 

[Michelle_Arnold]

Talk to your sister. Ask her whether or not she wants to see her son’s church leaders. If she wants to see these people, there’s not much you can do besides encouraging her to also speak with Catholic clergy (whom you should, in any case, offer to bring in for her). But if she does not want to see these people, or if you have legal authority to speak for her, here are some suggestions:

• Explain to the social worker that he or she was out of line to presume to grant access to non-Catholic clergy to your dying Catholic sister simply to placate her son. If her son needs to work out his grief, which I am not disputing, let him do it in private counseling with his clergy. He should not have been allowed to prey on his mother’s emotional, physical, and spiritual vulnerability merely to satisfy his own needs.
• If the social worker is unrepentant and/or ignores your sister’s desire not to see these people, arrange to have another social worker assigned to her case.
• Explain to your nephew that his mother does not want to see his church leaders again. If his mother is strong enough to do so, it would be better coming from her. But, if she needs you to do it for her and gives you permission (or if you have legal authority to act as gatekeeper), then contact your nephew and tell him his clergy is no longer welcome to visit.
• Also, presuming that your sister does not want to be proselytized by her son, explain to your nephew that he will not be allowed to proselytize his mother. If he does not respect the conditions for his visits, which you should emphasize are being made out of respect for his mother’s stated desires and medical needs, then he can be barred access as well.
• If your nephew and/or his clergy show up without permission or do anything to upset your sister, call security and have them removed.

Bottom line: At this point, your responsibility is to seek to protect your sister, not to argue theology with her son and his clergy.