How do I deal with toxic in-laws?

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pat41164

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I’m trying to figure out how to morally and in a Christlike manner deal with some in-laws who have been quite hurtful, and furthermore, are not remorseful about their behavior.

Two in particular, my sister-in-law and my mother-in-law, are the ones that I need to deal with. For the most part, I’ve simply avoided — I don’t attend parties or holidays with them, out of fear of them starting up with me or with someone else. In fact, their anger and boundary issues are only occasionally aimed at me or my children; quite often, someone else at the event is involved, but it’s hardly pleasant.

I don’t know what my obligation is to be at these social events. Of course, my husband typically wants to be there, despite their actions, simply because “they’re family.” I don’t know if that’s enough reason to put myself “out there” for abuse. This abuse has included giving alcohol behind my back to my 13-year-old daughter and allowing their son/grandson to literally spit on my son, without any consequence. That’s when I drew the line as their mother from allowing my kids from being in their presence. I tend to receive a lot of verbal “jabs” and animosity, and as such, I usually just keep my mouth shut and proverbially hide behind my husband. So it’s been literally years since I’ve gone to a social event, as they are extremely uncomfortable.

But I’m wondering, as my husband’s wife, if I should be “forgiving” them for this sort of behavior (as Jesus says 70 x 7 times) and attend the social events. Any help would be greatly appreciated! Thank you!
 
Why is your husband allowing his mother and sister to give his 13-year-old daughter alcohol and allowing his nephew to spit on his son? Why is he allowing his relatives to emotionally abuse his wife? Your real problem, I’m afraid, is not with your in-laws but with your husband. Until he is willing to stand up for his family and protect them from abuse by other family members, not much is going to change. I also think that receiving the protection and support you deserve from your husband would go a long way toward making it easier for you to interact constructively with his family. In other words, I can only recommend insisting to your husband that he act like a man and treat you and his children with the respect and dignity you deserve by insisting to his relatives that they do likewise.

Recommended reading:

God Help Me! These People Are Driving Me Nuts by Gregory K. Popcak
When Difficult Relatives Happen to Good People by Leonard Felder
 
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