How do I explain suffering to a child?

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I’m new, so forgive me if this has been asked elsewhere. I also posted this in the Ask an Apologist section, but thought I might get some help here.

I have a 5 year old son with a chronic medical problem. It is not life threatening but it causes him extreme discomfort and pain. Occasionally the pain appears to be unbearable. We have taken him to numerous doctors and used countless treatments to varying degrees of success. His suffering got progressively worse until the last few months where we have seen improvement but we are far from complete healing. We’ve prayed constantly and taken him to several priests and healing services. Every night we pray and give thanks to the Lord for the healing we know will come as He wills.

I understand the redemptive value of suffering and that any healing that comes is from God and in accordance with his will and timing, but how do I explain this to a 5 year old? On more than one occasion he’s asked why God hasn’t healed him yet and begged for God to help him.
 
I once had a child in a catechism say, “If you love God, nothing bad will ever happen to you.” I pointed to the crucifix and asked, “Did God love Him?” Well, yes. Then I told her that God does not promise that we will never suffer. God doesn’t even promise that we will always feel God at our elbow when we suffer. What God can do is to take our suffering and to help us to make something out of it that was never in it. It is an evil thing, but God can take an evil thing and use it to transform people, to transform the world. After all, the Crucifix teaches us that God can take the worst thing in the world and make it into the best thing that ever happened in the world. The reason Catholics show Jesus’ body on the Cross instead of an empty cross is that the time we are suffering is the time we need that message the most, and this life has its share of suffering.

Many of the saints suffered awful illnesses that they did not recover from in this life. As the recently deceased Stuart Scott said, you don’t lose to cancer by not getting better or beat cancer by getting better. He said, “You beat cancer by how you live, why you live, and in the manner in which you live.” You beat your suffering by finding a way to live a good life, anyway. God does help you with that.

Teddy Roosevelt had some very trying childhood medical problems. He said, “I have never in my life envied a human being who led an easy life; I have envied a great many people who led difficult lives and led them well.” When you are going through suffering, the first thing you of course want is to look for a cure. That is a good thing, and God isn’t displeased when we ask for a cure and just keep asking when He doesn’t give a cure right away. But the other thing you can do with suffering is to live the best kind of life you can in spite of it. People look up to others who do that. They think, “If he can have a great life, even though he has this crummy thing to deal with, then why am I not going out and having a great life?”

Then cook up things he wants to do to beat his suffering. That’s an idea, and only an idea. Consider how you think it would work with your child, test the water, and think about whether that will work. You’d think a five year old couldn’t get this, but the truth is that kids often get this better than older people do, and act more bravely in the face of suffering than adults do. Gather up ideas, bounce them off of him, and follow his lead.
 
RJG_in_TX said:
I’m new, so forgive me if this has been asked elsewhere. I also posted this in the Ask an Apologist section, but thought I might get some help here.

I have a 5 year old son with a chronic medical problem. It is not life threatening but it causes him extreme discomfort and pain. Occasionally the pain appears to be unbearable. We have taken him to numerous doctors and used countless treatments to varying degrees of success. His suffering got progressively worse until the last few months where we have seen improvement but we are far from complete healing. We’ve prayed constantly and taken him to several priests and healing services. Every night we pray and give thanks to the Lord for the healing we know will come as He wills.

I understand the redemptive value of suffering and that any healing that comes is from God and in accordance with his will and timing, but how do I explain this to a 5 year old? On more than one occasion he’s asked why God hasn’t healed him yet and begged for God to help him.
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I too have a child with chronic pain from a condition. I have found that even at a young age she dealt with it better than most adults. One thing I did that helped was read stories of the saints to her. She identified with Kateri Tekawitha and Kateri has taken a special role in our lives. She and Kateri have similar issues and it has been helpful to her to have an advocate or saint in heaven that at least goes through it with her.
 
I don’t know if any of this would be understandable by a 5 year old, but here’s a thread on what the Saints said about suffering:

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=542373

for example, St John Vianney said:
Whether we will or not, we must suffer. There are some who suffer like the good thief, and others like the bad thief. They both suffered equally. But one knew how to make his sufferings meritorious, he accepted them in the spirit of reparation, and turning towards Jesus crucified, he received from His mouth these beautiful words: "This day thou shalt be with Me in Paradise. " The other, on the contrary, cried out, uttered imprecations and blasphemies, and expired in the most frightful despair. There are two ways of suffering – to suffer with love, and to suffer without love. The saints suffered everything with joy, patience, and perseverance, because they loved. As for us, we suffer with anger, vexation, and weariness, because we do not love. If we loved God, we should love crosses, we should wish for them, we should take pleasure in them. . . . We should be happy to be able to suffer for the love of Him who lovingly suffered for us. Of what do we complain? Alas! the poor infidels, who have not the happiness of knowing God and His infinite loveliness, have the same crosses that we have; but they have not the same consolations. You say it is hard? No, it is easy, it is consoling, it is sweet; it is happiness. Only we must love while we suffer, and suffer while we love.
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I was a nurse and seeing children in some of their conditions was burdensome. I do agree reading the stories of the Saints. The church was built on the blood of the martyrs. I know you’ve heard that our children are not ours but they are God’s that He loans to us. We who have been so blessed, are grateful Lord. There were times in teenage I wanted to give them back. TEEHEE (I think) They are all grown now. Let me share this. You will be the first one. My one daughter bought her first Bible today and she and her family are reading it and talking about it and i am doing spiritual cartwheels. She is 40yo. I am sort of new to the site and couldn’t figure out how to start a new thread of joy. Sorry.
Now back to read the book of Saints. Have the Crucifix nearby ( small one he can hold close when his boo boo’s hurt) Share w your son “how Jesus got His boo boo’s and Jesus is sharing your boo boo’ now dear.” If you get a bottle of holy water and holy oil, they could be useful. Pray over the site, placing a cross over the site w the water and thanking Him for His healing. Isaiah 45 I think=By His stripes you are healed." The oil you would use for those body massages-again-w prayer. Play Christian music in his room. Have him write his diary. One side would be the sad side and the other side would be the glad side. They have cute Bible DVD’s. I would play Bible Man w my grandson.I think it was a TPN creation and my making up stories. Watch the travel station, so he gets outside.

Telling him:"Dearest, you know how you don’t feel well sometimes. Well, the doctors found out what is causing those bad feelings. We have things that can make you feel better, so those bad feelings will be less. What you have is called:----------. I can be fixed, OR It isn’t going to go away but as I sad we can help you feel better. Here is where the cross comes in. Let him hold his and you have one that is off his wall. You talk about roses and how pretty they are and have such a sweet aroma but they have thorns that hurt, Jesus wore His crown of thorns for us and that was a big boo boo. The people hatted Him and spit on Him. Here we all love you. They whipped His back w a leather strap w nails on it. So, when you feel bad, you can hold on to Jesus and know He knows how you hurt and He let the soldiers hurt Him so we can go home to heaven again when we die, Just like Jesus your walking a street of pain and you’re scared. Jesus knows how that feels. You will never finish your journey like Jesus. He loved us so much He laid down on the cross and let them nail Him to the cross. That was a big owey. You will never feel that bad. I just wanted you to know when you feel bad that Jesus felt bad, also and He can take your pain awayl So hold your cross and sing your 'Jesus loves me " song, I’ll give you your medicine and you’ll feel better.
’ I made a prayer book for my little granddaughter, It was filled w Holy cards in a little photo album… We found material that was pink w embossed angels. It was so cute. Whenever there was a bad storm she got her angel book.
Take pics of his nurses and docs. Take pics of his classmates-one at a time and get them autograph them. He could start scrap booking. Some of this is for a child w handicaps. Maybe bed bound or house bound
“His grace is our sufficiency”
“By His stripes, I am healed,”
“My peace I leave you, my peace I give you.”
Jeremiah 29;11 Ephesians 3:17 You might get a tape of our church music w the song,“BE NOT AFRAID”
In Christs’love,
Alice
 
tweedlealice said:
I was a nurse and seeing children in some of their conditions was burdensome. I do agree reading the stories of the Saints. The church was built on the blood of the martyrs. I know you’ve heard that our children are not ours but they are God’s that He loans to us. We who have been so blessed, are grateful Lord. There were times in teenage I wanted to give them back. TEEHEE (I think) They are all grown now. Let me share this. You will be the first one. My one daughter bought her first Bible today and she and her family are reading it and talking about it and i am doing spiritual cartwheels. She is 40yo. I am sort of new to the site and couldn’t figure out how to start a new thread of joy. Sorry.
Now back to read the book of Saints. Have the Crucifix nearby ( small one he can hold close when his boo boo’s hurt) Share w your son “how Jesus got His boo boo’s and Jesus is sharing your boo boo’ now dear.” If you get a bottle of holy water and holy oil, they could be useful. Pray over the site, placing a cross over the site w the water and thanking Him for His healing. Isaiah 45 I think=By His stripes you are healed." The oil you would use for those body massages-again-w prayer. Play Christian music in his room. Have him write his diary. One side would be the sad side and the other side would be the glad side. They have cute Bible DVD’s. I would play Bible Man w my grandson.I think it was a TPN creation and my making up stories. Watch the travel station, so he gets outside.

Telling him:"Dearest, you know how you don’t feel well sometimes. Well, the doctors found out what is causing those bad feelings. We have things that can make you feel better, so those bad feelings will be less. What you have is called:----------. I can be fixed, OR It isn’t going to go away but as I sad we can help you feel better. Here is where the cross comes in. Let him hold his and you have one that is off his wall. You talk about roses and how pretty they are and have such a sweet aroma but they have thorns that hurt, Jesus wore His crown of thorns for us and that was a big boo boo. The people hatted Him and spit on Him. Here we all love you. They whipped His back w a leather strap w nails on it. So, when you feel bad, you can hold on to Jesus and know He knows how you hurt and He let the soldiers hurt Him so we can go home to heaven again when we die, Just like Jesus your walking a street of pain and you’re scared. Jesus knows how that feels. You will never finish your journey like Jesus. He loved us so much He laid down on the cross and let them nail Him to the cross. That was a big owey. You will never feel that bad. I just wanted you to know when you feel bad that Jesus felt bad, also and He can take your pain awayl So hold your cross and sing your 'Jesus loves me " song, I’ll give you your medicine and you’ll feel better.
’ I made a prayer book for my little granddaughter, It was filled w Holy cards in a little photo album… We found material that was pink w embossed angels. It was so cute. Whenever there was a bad storm she got her angel book.
Take pics of his nurses and docs. Take pics of his classmates-one at a time and get them autograph them. He could start scrap booking. Some of this is for a child w handicaps. Maybe bed bound or house bound
“His grace is our sufficiency”
“By His stripes, I am healed,”
“My peace I leave you, my peace I give you.”
Jeremiah 29;11 Ephesians 3:17 You might get a tape of our church music w the song,“BE NOT AFRAID”
In Christs’love,
Alice
Click to expand...
That is one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever read. Nurses are such special people. Enjoy your cartwheels. You deserve them. I’m still in the “crown of thorns” phase with some of my children.
Peace
John Marie Philomena
 
Theodicy is a heavy question for us grown-ups as it is.

I like Fred Rogers’ (“Mister Rogers”) response to the question of where is God when bad things happen. He said, “look for the helpers.”
 
JohnMPhilomena said:
That is one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever read. Nurses are such special people. Enjoy your cartwheels. You deserve them. I’m still in the “crown of thorns” phase with some of my children.
Peace
John Marie Philomena
Click to expand...
I don’t know if using the quote is the right way to respond to your kind note. I think I am going through a journey w thorns again. BUT, our faith knows there is JOY IN THE MORNING. I did need your positive affirmation to my note at this time. Thank you for taking the time to write the note.
In Christ’s love,
Alice
.
 
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