How do I explain/tell my boyfriend about my chastity?

[joeybaggz]

Thanks for all of your answers, but by “chaste” I don’t only mean no sex. This seems to be the point that many of you are addressing. I mean that, I won’t go farther than my “lusting” allows me. If I get “innappropriate” feelings when making out, I won’t do that. If a regular kiss is all I can “handle”, that is all I want to do, and I want him to know that. I just don’t know how to explain it.

Actually, you just did a pretty good job of it. It’s simple, “these are my standards, they are mine for my reasons, and I want them respected - and I don’t really have to explain them to anybody”

Another poster made a good point about guys respecting a wish for chastity even if it surprises the. Men and women, young and old, are bombarded with sexual suggestivity constantly. It is to the point that many, if not most, young men, expect sex in almost any relationship that goes beyond two or three dates. And, like most guys, they don’t want to be ridiculed by their buddies. Your request and the condition you demand, may just be the reason for them to act upon their desire to be chaste, and still not lose face with their buddies. You give them a reason to do what they secretly want to do in the first place. Find someone they respect.

Keep on keeping on … (sounds awful 60’ish, don’t you think…

 

[hasikelee]

Ask him if he’s a card carrying member of the V-forces, or V-team, or whatever is around your community.

I remember carrying a little card (like a credit card) in my purse. It had a frog wearing a crown on the front, and a little passage on the back “I vow to be chaste and refrain from sexual activity until marriage”

I think my lil sis still has one in her wallet. All you have to do is ask for his.

If he has one, voila. If he doesn’t you have a fun and flirty opportunity to tell him about it. And then you will know right away if he agrees or if he thinks you’re a loony.

 

[1ke]

I heard about a young man who would not even kiss his
fiancee on the lips

I had a friend in college whose first kiss was when the preacher pronounced she and her husband “man and wife” and said “you may kiss the bride”.

She did not want to kiss any other man but her husband.

How awesome is that!

 

[GraceDK]

I had a friend in college whose first kiss was when the preacher pronounced she and her husband “man and wife” and said “you may kiss the bride”.

She did not want to kiss any other man but her husband.

How awesome is that!

That is sure awesome 1ke

I wish everyone else (me included ) was that strong-willed …or met people who were… I can’t help but think there is a lot of factors that have an effect on how things turn out… like psychological factors, what kind of environment and family people grow up in etc… I think some people are just really weak in our post-modern age because they never ever learned to say no to themselves… others may have strong passion… yet others may be full of pride so they get themselves into situations that they can’t handle even though they thought theu could… meaning; they are plain stupid… All of the above apply to me myself among alot of other things …
And then there are others who just kind of slide through it … people who could never mess up in this area as it seems… and it leaves some of the rest of us with the sense of being total loosers and “what went wrong with me”- feelings.

To be honest… I never had support …never had sex-talks or books about waiting… Theology of the Body… Never heard of it… but I had the Bible and a relationship with Christ… thats the most interesting thing: realising that somehow… I did not really believe in Him after all… somehow the devil told me “surely you will not die” and got a good laugh at me…
Now I don’t know if this depressed person will ever get married… but I plan on kicking the devils but and try to prevent what I did from happening to other young people…

Sorry that got kinda long…

 

[gardenswithkids]

…I have made the decision to be chaste, and am wondering how to tell my boyfriend/crush before it comes up physically, **especially if the guy isn’t as religious as I. **…

It will be much easier to maintain your chastity if you date guys who are as religious as you.

 

[jmcrae]

It will be much easier to maintain your chastity if you date guys who are as religious as you.

That’s a good point.

Another point is, don’t “be a lady” when asked out on a date, and wait for the surprise, because in this day and age, you don’t know that the surprise won’t be a night in a cheap motel room.

If he asks you what you want to do, never say, “Oh, I don’t know - surprise me,” unless you know for sure that it won’t be an unchaste surprise. Instead, have some ideas of things you’d like to do with him, that are both chaste and fun.

Also, carry enough cash that, if you have to walk home from your date, you can get a cab. (Don’t tell your date that you’re carrying money, though, unless you have agreed in advance to split the bill - which might not be a bad idea, if he is the sort who thinks he is “buying” something more than the charm of your company and conversation for a few hours when he pays for dinner and a movie, or whatever.)

 

[Belgarion]

Find a religious and chastity minded boyfriend.

I wouldn’t go out with a girl who might not appreciate chastity, and boys can be worse.
There are indeed chaste guys out there. You’ll find one.

Geeks (like myself) are an especially good choice when it comes to dating chastely. They’re often to nervous to even hold your hand, let alone try anything really physical.

 

[jmcrae]

Find a religious and chastity minded boyfriend.

I wouldn’t go out with a girl who might not appreciate chastity, and boys can be worse.
There are indeed chaste guys out there. You’ll find one.

Geeks (like myself) are an especially good choice when it comes to dating chastely. They’re often to nervous to even hold your hand, let alone try anything really physical.

Ah, but what happens when he gets over being nervous? This is the important question.

 

[Belgarion]

Ah, but what happens when he gets over being nervous? This is the important question.

A valid concern.
However, Catholic geeks, like myself and my friends, are already chastity minded. the nervousness will just keep things slow…lol