How do I explain (to ANYONE) why on earth us crazy Christians have such strict rules about sex?

[Wampa]

I am not married, but the idea is pleasant to me. One, as was said before in this thread, human beings want love, real love (not cheap, fake love), and marriage is a model for that. In marriage (if it’s taken seriously), both couples PLEDGE THEMSELVES TO ONE ANOTHER. If you’re a participant in this, you have the peace of mind that your significant other has promised before God to love you and stay with you and devote themselves to you and only you (in the sexual way). That’s beautiful to me. Of course, there is more to marriage than sex and there is more to sex than pleasure, but this subject I’m speaking about is not really talked about that much (or used as a decent defense for marriage), which kinda puzzles me. Am I the only one who thinks this way?

You’re not the only one who feels this way and I think you made the argument eloquently. Personally, I believe the concept of a sacramental marriage and the sexual moral code of the Catholic Church are among the greatest treasures in the world and I wish I had found them when I was a young man. There is nothing better than knowing that infidelity is not an option and that you can 100% trust your partner.

When someone believes in the Church’s teaching on this fully, all the “ills” of modern (i.e. secular) marriage simply melt away. When I came into the Church two years before my marriage, my fiance and I stopped all sexual activity until our wedding night. When you spend two years with someone having the discipline to live out these “rules” and you understand the reason for them, you know you can trust them to have the discipline to be faithful within marriage. It’s just not an option for either of us.

I’ve been in a lot of relationships that did not follow our “strict rules” and every one of them was filled with jealously and pain because of it. I am continually amazed now when I realize that I know my wife’s passwords for everything online (for practical reasons) and I have never once considered reading her e-mail or anything like that. There’s just no need. It’s a moot point. We tell each other everything and I know there’s a 0% chance she’d be unfaithful. Sacramental marriage is a beautiful thing

The reason I don’t use it as as a defense of marriage is because you have to have a full understanding of sacramental marriage and the rules (and how they protect us) to even understand why it’s a good thing. Secular people don’t have this understanding. Same holds true for most Christians (and sadly, even most Catholics nowadays, at least in the US). All I can do is have a wonderful marriage and hope that shines in opposition to all the bad ones out there. Maybe somebody will ask me “Hey, what are you doing right?” and then I can make the argument (and I have had that conversation with someone, though I think I lost him when explaining why no contraception).

 

[Timothy17]

I was thinking about this last night and tried to come at it from a more practical standpoint. I think trying to explain why we have rules entirely misses the point.

I recalled the Sisters who were on Oprah not too long ago and when asked about the lack of sex, one replied that she was actually in control of her sexuality, rather than her sexuality being in control of her. That got me thinking further of my own situation…

Like many others, I had been totally immersed in sexual sin before I came back to God and his Church. During that time I could not control myself. I obeyed every whim and urge that came to me, often with little or no regard to the possible consequenses. In short, I was no better than a dog or some other kind of animal. My sex controlled me.

Now, through much prayer and seeking God constantly, and especially through the sacrament of confession, I have been celibate and have not acted out in approximately 2.5 years. I am in control of my sex now instead of my sex controlling me. I decide when to pick it up and when to put it down. When urges do well up inside (and they do), I decide whether they stay or go. I decide whether they are allowed to continue or whether they get put down. I don’t have to worry about what is on my computer or who will find my phone and look at my text messages. I don’t have to lie about where I was or about where the money went.

In short, I used to be a slave. Rules were a leash which kept me from running wild and thank God for them! But now, I am free and that is really the conversation to have.

My point is, we have rules to keep those who need them from killing or hurting themselves or to keep them from doing something else incredibly stupid. In so far as religious rules protect us from the weak and them from themselves, they are really no different from civil laws. But Christianity is not about the rules. Explaining why we have the rules is not the point of Christianity. It’s the wrong conversation to have and totally misses the point.

It’s about being free from rules. Christ came to give us a way, an actual and very real way, to overcome the need to even have rules in the first place

Romans 6:14 - For sin is not to have any power over you, since you are not under the law but under grace. Go ahead and ask me about crazy Christian rules and I’ll tell you about something better.

-Tim-

 

[Andrew1983]

. . . because the shortcuts that feel good don’t work well for you, or society, over the long run.

This is absolutely true. A book by Pat Buchanan, “Death of the West”, does a reasonably good job of explaining this.

 

[Hadrianus]

One reason why sexual licence is wrong derives from the fact that sexuality is the only faculty of human beings in which we can participate directly in the work of the Creator which is to create. This is why we speak of procreation. The parents are in fact the procreators of a new life made in the image of God and hence with an immortal soul.
To engage in fornication is to mock the will of the Creator who wills that children be born to parents who can raise them. Contraception prevents the vary purpose of procreation, and abortion of course kills a new life and interferes directly in the divine plan.

All sins are first of all sins against God, and only secondarily against human beings. If we start with a God centered moral theology the rest falls into place in a more reasonable way.

 

[Cirdan_XII]

One reason why sexual licence is wrong derives from the fact that sexuality is the only faculty of human beings in which we can participate directly in the work of the Creator which is to create. This is why we speak of procreation. The parents are in fact the procreators of a new life made in the image of God and hence with an immortal soul.
To engage in fornication is to mock the will of the Creator who wills that children be born to parents who can raise them. Contraception prevents the vary purpose of procreation, and abortion of course kills a new life and interferes directly in the divine plan.

All sins are first of all sins against God, and only secondarily against human beings. If we start with a God centered moral theology the rest falls into place in a more reasonable way.

This is very well put.

Furthermore, to prevent the birth of a child, whether it be through contraception or abortion is also to meddle with God’s will. Maybe you are killing somebody who in God’s plan should achieve great things for humanity? There is a very nice reference to this is C.S. Lewis’ “That Hideous Strength”

 

[catharina]

I can’t even explain it to myself! As far as I know, it was just always taught as “wrong” and a “sin.”

Besides the risk of having a child when it’s not appropriate (financial reasons, living conditions, etc.), why the heck else should people follow the Church’s teachings on marriage, etc.

The only reasons I can think of is it prevents jealousy, provides couples with assurance that someone will love them (through commitment, they aren’t afraid that person will break up with them and run off somewhere). And, by saving sex for marriage, they aren’t afraid of the person comparing them to someone else.

But, as for the strictness of contraception, I’m totally lost on that one. But, this post is not particularly about THAT. I would like to focus more on the reasons of marriage being a way to prevent sexual jealousy and apprehension.

Let’s start here.
Catholics have the very same “rules” that all Christians embraced until the 1930s.
Now however, a number of Protestant sects have moved into “anything goes.”

That division makes any explanation much more difficult to present to non-Christians.