How do I find forgiveness?

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aplasity

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I am going through a very difficult time right now, and I’m not sure what to do. One of my doctors has been arrested for sexual assault! So far the count is in the 40’s! He not only touched women when he was examining them, but he was also caught sexually assaulting a woman while she was under anesthesia in his office. And unfortunately he has put me under anesthesia many times. So I will never truly know if he touched me while I was under, but also he preformed an unnecessary pelvic exam on me! Even though this man has hurt not only myself but many other women, I desperately want to forgive him! The way I see it is that everyone succumbs to temptation, and for a doctor to betray his patients trust this way something very horrible must have happened in his life! I think he needs God’s help more than I do right now. I want to find peace, I want to forgive him, but I just don’t know how.
 
I am sorry for your distress. I’m not sure my way will help? I advocate (pray) for my enemies(those who hurt me). I try to place myself between them and the wrath of Our Father. If I had Mary’s sinless heart they would probably become saints. I am very tiny in the order of grace, yet try to imitate Christ, Our Advocate, Who suffered death on a cross for my sins, and those of the whole world.

Our Father who art in Heaven, hallowed be Thy name. Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done on earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us and lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil. Amen.

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou among women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death. Amen

Peace
 
aplasity said:
I am going through a very difficult time right now, and I’m not sure what to do. One of my doctors has been arrested for sexual assault! So far the count is in the 40’s! He not only touched women when he was examining them, but he was also caught sexually assaulting a woman while she was under anesthesia in his office. And unfortunately he has put me under anesthesia many times. So I will never truly know if he touched me while I was under, but also he preformed an unnecessary pelvic exam on me! Even though this man has hurt not only myself but many other women, I desperately want to forgive him! The way I see it is that everyone succumbs to temptation, and for a doctor to betray his patients trust this way something very horrible must have happened in his life! I think he needs God’s help more than I do right now. I want to find peace, I want to forgive him, but I just don’t know how.
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You do sound distressed. Perhaps it is not time to forgive yet, it sounds like you may have some sorting out to do. We are called to give people the benefit of the doubt; perhaps he did not abuse you while you were under. However, do not try to “fool” yourself into believing he did not, the unnecessary pelvic exam may have been offensive enough.

This doctor is blinded by his desire. Blindness happens to all of us. His sin is non-repentance from his desire, as well as the abuse. We are all capable of non-repentance, and abuse of others.

I don’t know if that helps right now. What I can say that might help is that I will pray for you, and I can hear your distress, resentment, anger, and perhaps overwhelming sense of violation.

Peace
 
You already know that we must forgive. Every time we pray the Our Father we pray “forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.” Jesus commanded us to forgive an infinite number of times in Matthew, Chapter 18:
21: Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?”
22: Jesus said to him, "I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven.

I can only share what I do when I have trouble forgiving people: I take my lack of forgiveness to the Sacrament of Reconciliation, “I find that there is a person in my life who has hurt me and I have been having trouble forgiving them.” I’ve had to go back to the Sacrament a couple times for the same person/incident but I’ve found that the graces received in Confession can go a long way in healing those broken places within me. They might help you, too.
 
aplasity said:
I am going through a very difficult time right now, and I’m not sure what to do. One of my doctors has been arrested for sexual assault! So far the count is in the 40’s! He not only touched women when he was examining them, but he was also caught sexually assaulting a woman while she was under anesthesia in his office. And unfortunately he has put me under anesthesia many times. So I will never truly know if he touched me while I was under, but also he preformed an unnecessary pelvic exam on me! Even though this man has hurt not only myself but many other women, I desperately want to forgive him! The way I see it is that everyone succumbs to temptation, and for a doctor to betray his patients trust this way something very horrible must have happened in his life! I think he needs God’s help more than I do right now. I want to find peace, I want to forgive him, but I just don’t know how.
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If you can bring yourself to pray for him and ask mercy upon him, then I would say you have forgiven him. For you can’t hate someone that you are wishing good.

I believe the problem is you feelings not following along with your thinking. And what God looks at is what you do and what you think. You are doing and thinking correctly. Maybe sometime later on, your feelings will follow.

May God bless and keep you. May God’s face shine on you. May God be kind to you and give you peace.
 
aplasity said:
I am going through a very difficult time right now, and I’m not sure what to do. One of my doctors has been arrested for sexual assault! So far the count is in the 40’s! He not only touched women when he was examining them, but he was also caught sexually assaulting a woman while she was under anesthesia in his office. And unfortunately he has put me under anesthesia many times. So I will never truly know if he touched me while I was under, but also he preformed an unnecessary pelvic exam on me! Even though this man has hurt not only myself but many other women, I desperately want to forgive him! The way I see it is that everyone succumbs to temptation, and for a doctor to betray his patients trust this way something very horrible must have happened in his life! I think he needs God’s help more than I do right now. I want to find peace, I want to forgive him, but I just don’t know how.
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Realize that forgiveness is not acceptance of the person or forgetting their offense. Our sins against God are greater than our sins against man because God is an infinitely perfect being. God has forgiven your sins which are many therefore he expects you to forgive this man’s sins against you which are less in comparison. If God, our great King, will forgive our offenses, we must forgive our fellow man his offenses.

Remember, this does not mean that you have to forget what he did or accept him. Forgive him and never allow him back into your life. Many do not understand that forgiveness does not require them to restore the relationship.

Matthew 18
21 Then Peter came to him and asked, “Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times?”

22 “No, not seven times,” Jesus replied, “but seventy times seven!

23 “Therefore, the Kingdom of Heaven can be compared to a king who decided to bring his accounts up to date with servants who had borrowed money from him. 24 In the process, one of his debtors was brought in who owed him millions of dollars. 25 He couldn’t pay, so his master ordered that he be sold—along with his wife, his children, and everything he owned—to pay the debt.

26 “But the man fell down before his master and begged him, ‘Please, be patient with me, and I will pay it all.’ 27 Then his master was filled with pity for him, and he released him and forgave his debt.

28 “But when the man left the king, he went to a fellow servant who owed him a few thousand dollars. He grabbed him by the throat and demanded instant payment.

29 “His fellow servant fell down before him and begged for a little more time. ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay it,’ he pleaded. 30 But his creditor wouldn’t wait. He had the man arrested and put in prison until the debt could be paid in full.

31 “When some of the other servants saw this, they were very upset. They went to the king and told him everything that had happened. 32 Then the king called in the man he had forgiven and said, ‘You evil servant! I forgave you that tremendous debt because you pleaded with me. 33 Shouldn’t you have mercy on your fellow servant, just as I had mercy on you?’ 34 Then the angry king sent the man to prison to be tortured until he had paid his entire debt.

35 “That’s what my heavenly Father will do to you if you refuse to forgive your brothers and sisters from your heart.”
 
aplasity said:
I am going through a very difficult time right now, and I’m not sure what to do. One of my doctors has been arrested for sexual assault! So far the count is in the 40’s! He not only touched women when he was examining them, but he was also caught sexually assaulting a woman while she was under anesthesia in his office. And unfortunately he has put me under anesthesia many times. So I will never truly know if he touched me while I was under, but also he preformed an unnecessary pelvic exam on me! Even though this man has hurt not only myself but many other women, I desperately want to forgive him! The way I see it is that everyone succumbs to temptation, and for a doctor to betray his patients trust this way something very horrible must have happened in his life! I think he needs God’s help more than I do right now. I want to find peace, I want to forgive him, but I just don’t know how.
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If you want to forgive him then pray and ask El how. God will provide a way for you to forgive him. May God bless your soul if I was in your shoe I am not sure I would be so kind. I am also sorry that he has mistreated you.
 
I saw the most cool quote by Max Lucado recently!

“As long as you are trying to forgive, you are forgiving. It is when we no longer try that bitterness sets in”

Forgiveness is seldom a one-shot “done” deal. It takes effort and restarting over & over. Bless your heart for wanting to forgive and recognizing that you need to … God will help you! :grouphug:
 
You can start by asking Jesus to forgive him and give him the grace of true repentance. Jesus loves every single soul and once you place this person in the hands of Christ, He can do amazing things. Even bring about a great good from it. It is beyond our understanding how He can do this but He is God and nothing is impossible to Him.
 
Thank you everyone for you advise and prayers! You have all filled me with hope and comfort! I will say a prayer for you all!
 
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