How do I forgive myself?

[xAlisonx]

r a y n e 8 9.
i just want to say that i am so sorry beyond words for your loss, and for all that you have been through recently. my heart goes out to you and aches for you, and please know that i will be keeping you, your husband’s friend and his sister in my constant thoughts and deepest prayers. it is my deep hope and prayer that my post will be at least a small source of comfort and encouragement to you, and inspire you to forgive yourself and move on in hope and healing.

first of all, not only did you do nothing wrong in this situation, but you did many things well that not many others would have done. when you first found out that he had feelings for you, you didn’t taunt him or treat him with rudeness or cruelty, as some people would have done. you didn’t ignore him or hurt him in any other way. instead, you treated what must have been a difficult situation with tact and kindness, which shows how loving your heart is, and how good you are as a person. [your regret over this situation also shows how much of a good person you are.] even when he came out and said something very rude to you, when you reconnected on facebook, you obviously had forgiven him and decided not to hold his comment against him. this is a great sign of a loving, forgiving and compassionate heart, which not very many people have. i’m so sorry that he said something so rude to you, which must have hurt terribly, but i admire you so much for having the strength to forgive him and move on to reconnect with him on positive terms.

another thing that you did well—even after he made another comment to you concerning you and your husband, you kept your response light and tactful, not being rude or overbearing in pointing out your happiness in him, but being subtle, understanding and kind. i admire you so much for how you have treated every aspect of this situation, and see no reason for you to blame yourself for the incredibly tragic outcome. the fact that you continued to contact him even after the second comment, again, shows your forgiving nature and loving heart, which shines through so clearly and beautifully in every part of your post.

please don’t feel that by posting pictures of you and your husband and tactfully making it clear that you were happy, that it is your fault this man drank himself to death. * by posting pictures of you and your husband, you made it clear that you were happy in a sensitive and tactful way, which, again, not many other people would have done. your loving, sensitive and compassionate nature probably kept your friend alive longer, even through his pain and struggles! you treated the situation in a way that i’m not sure i would have—i don’t think i have the heart to think of dealing with this situation the way you did. your inner beauty shines through so much in how you treated this man with respect and love, and your tactfulness shows just how much sensitivity you have, which probably helped and encouraged him. you probably helped him, so please don’t feel that you were the one to destroy him!

i don’t know if words could ever be enough to tell you how sorry i am for the outcome of this tragedy. two days before Christmas … i will definitely pray for his sister, who must be grieving terribly, as you have said. i just want to point out that if he spoke of you often and thought highly of you, how could you be a bad person, and how could you have hurt him in any way? i doubt that if you had caused him pain, he still would have spoken of you in such a way. you obviously impacted his life in a tremendous and beautiful way, which shows your true nature of love and kindness, definitely not one that would have caused this poor man to suffer so much. if anything, i think that you relieved his suffering with your great compassion and kindness. not many people touch other’s lives in the way that you touched this friend’s life, even when they have the opportunity, which truly shows how you are as a person, someone that i admire so much even just after reading this post.

i am so, so sorry beyond words for all of your suffering, pain and guilt. please don’t blame yourself! you knew that he had nothing, so you treated him with respect, kindness, tact, sensitivity and compassion. not many people would have handled this situation the way you did, with such beauty! rayne89, trust me, you are definitely a wonderful, beautiful person with a loving heart that shines through so clearly and beautifully to me, simply after i have read this post concerning the pain i wish you didn’t have to feel. you did have compassion by not making comments in return to his own, by showing your happiness in a subtle way instead of being overbearing or rude to him. i don’t feel that you were selfish and prideful—instead, i see compassion, beauty and sensitivity in you, and a kind nature full of love that helped and impacted a life in a tremendous, beautiful way. by continuing to talk to him even after he must have hurt you, by being subtle and compassionate, you did show sensitivity to someone who was struggling. you did not, in any way, flaunt what you had—you subtly made it very clear that you were happy, and there is nothing wrong with that at all. i don’t see you as being prideful as cruel—instead, i can definitely see why this man would have thought you were so wonderful!*

 

[xAlisonx]

i don’t feel that you made any mistakes in dealing with this situation, but you can still move on. i will definitely keep you in my constant thoughts and deepest prayers, for your complete hope, restoration and healing. somebody died in an incredibly tragic way, but it was not your fault. you did not cause this friend to drink himself to death—it was his own pain that caused him to die this way. you did not cause this pain—i have a feeling that you actually lessened it with your incredible sensitivity and compassion! if you are still feeling guilty, i would suggest that you not only pray and learn more about God’s forgiveness, (although i don’t see any reason why you would need to be forgiven) but talk to a priest about your feelings and see what he has to say. if anything, he will most likely reassure you that you did nothing wrong, and that there is no reason for you to feel ashamed, guilty or that you are in need of forgiveness. i admire you so much for having the bravery and courage to reach out to us and reveal your pain, shame and guilt, although i don’t see any reason for you to feel any of this. i suggest that you talk with those around you about how you feel and see what they say—i have a feeling that they will agree with me, and reassure you that instead of doing anything wrong, you handled every part of the situation incredibly well, with an amazing amount of sensitivity, compassion and love.

when i pray for you, i will definitely pray that God, in His great love, grants you direction, hope, restoration and healing. i’m truly so sorry beyond words that the funeral was such a sad experience for you, and that your friend suffered so deeply throughout his life. i know that he wasn’t a bad man, and i’m sure that you helped him in many ways, and even may have kept him alive for a while through your great loving compassion that i admire so much. i hope and pray with all my heart that you will be able to forgive yourself and move on, completely healed and restored and at peace. i will definitely pray for his brother and sister as well.

let me pray for you now:

**Loving Heavenly Father, i just lift up rayne89 to You now, and i thank You so much that You have gifted her with such a compassionate, beautiful, sensitive and loving heart that handled an extremely difficult situation with care, tact and compassion. my heart aches for her pain, shame and guilt, and i pray that You would pour out Your love and blessings upon her, and grant her complete restoration and healing, so that she is able to move on completely and be at peace with herself, with life and with the situation once more. i thank You that she took care of the situation in ways that not many others would have done, and i ask that You would reassure her of the beauty within her soul that i see shining forth so clearly. i pray that You would pour out Your loving mercy upon her, and help her to accept Your forgiveness and forgive herself completely. i pray not only for her healing, but for the healing, hope, restoration and comfort of her husband, and the living family members of her friend. i pray that You would comfort everyone who is grieving this terrible tragedy by touching their mourning hearts with the light, love and life of Your precious Holy Spirit, and bring them into peace and hope and healing in You. i pray especially for his sister, who is grieving terribly, that if she is not already in a relationship with You, that You would be the One to draw her near to Yourself and comfort her, granting her Your peace and assuring her of Your Love. i pray that this broken family may be healed and restored, and that the older brother may grow to understand and support his brother in death, and help and comfort his sister in her grief. i pray that You would pour out Your love and blessings upon this family as well, and keep them strong and safe and close to each other, not only during this incredibly difficult time, but always and forever. Lord, i pray for rayne89’s friend’s soul, that You would welcome him into Your loving arms and grant him eternal peace in Your Love, that he may know happiness after a life of suffering, and peace in You after a lifetime of pain. i pray all this in the mighty name of Jesus, through the intercession of our Blessed Mother, Mary, and all the angels and saints, who i ask to pray with me now. Amen. **

God bless you, rayne89. please stay strong, please stay safe and please take care of yourself. know that i will continue to pray this prayer tonight and every night, and keep you and everyone else who is suffering because of this tragedy in my constant thoughts and deepest prayers. please know that if you ever would like to talk to someone about what you are going through, or just need anything at all, i am always here and will always care, so please don’t hesitate to contact me. it is my deep hope and prayer that you will have a blessed, beautiful and fruitful New Year, and know complete hope, healing and restoration from this tragedy. may you be at peace.

love,
in the peace and love of Christ,
alison

 

[rayne89]

Allison, oh my gosh your post brought tears to my eyes. Thank you so much for your incredible kindness and you prayers, they are so very much appreciated.