How do I forgive myself?

[Inwe86]

So first off, I just got out of a rocky relationship. The man whom I was dating struggled a lot with his faith and clearly wasn’t anywhere near ready for a Catholic marriage. Anyway, the break-up just happened this past weekend. We were a long-distance relationship. Though we were far apart, we still formed a strong emotional bond that is going to take time to heal.

Yet this isn’t the most difficult part for me. He was always slowly trying to push the moral line with me. Most of the time I remained strong, but he caught me at a couple of weak moments (he admitted to taking advantage of that), and I gave in. Granted nothing physically ever happened between us (thanks be to God). Basically we had phone sex and sent each other explicit photos.

I’ve never done anything remotely sexual with anyone before I had promised myself I would wait completely until marriage, yet I gave in to these temptations. What bothers me most are the photos. I’m absolutely positive he deleted them, but still, I had been waiting to allow my future husband to be the first man to see me. I feel so devastated right now.

The one good thing that has come out of this is that I now know how easy it is to fall if you let you guard down even for a moment. My commitment to purity is 10x stronger than it was before. I’ve learned that prudence in a relationship is so important. The 2 times that we fell together were very imprudent times to be talking to each other. The first time while I was sick and my will power was gone, the second time very late at night.

Anyway, how do I come to terms with what I’ve done? I feel like a good man won’t want to accept me now that I’ve slipped up. How do I get over this? How much should I share with my future husband on this?

Also, prayers would be very much appreciated!!! I’m still hurting inside from all of this.

 

[Philotheatoo]

Dear Inwe,

Worrying about how to talk to your future spouse about this might be premature. It may never become part of a conversation. Forgiveness for what you have done comes in a confessional - when you are ready to stop beating yourself up for it. If you fell in love with someone else next year,prepared for marriage, and then found out he committed the same transgression, would you not “want” him anymore? If I had posted the exact same problem, would you judge me that harshly? Then, why judge yourself that harshly? God is our Judge. We simply need to bring Him our sins so that He may wipe the slate clean, giving us the strength and grace to not sin again. When we do sin again, because we will, we have to conjure up the strength to go back yet again and humbly beg forgiveness. And more importantly, fully accept it. I certainly will pray for you; accept yourself and your human condition.

 

[colmcille1]

So first off, I just got out of a rocky relationship. The man whom I was dating struggled a lot with his faith and clearly wasn’t anywhere near ready for a Catholic marriage. Anyway, the break-up just happened this past weekend. We were a long-distance relationship. Though we were far apart, we still formed a strong emotional bond that is going to take time to heal.

Yet this isn’t the most difficult part for me. He was always slowly trying to push the moral line with me. Most of the time I remained strong, but he caught me at a couple of weak moments (he admitted to taking advantage of that), and I gave in. Granted nothing physically ever happened between us (thanks be to God). Basically we had phone sex and sent each other explicit photos.

I’ve never done anything remotely sexual with anyone before I had promised myself I would wait completely until marriage, yet I gave in to these temptations. What bothers me most are the photos. I’m absolutely positive he deleted them, but still, I had been waiting to allow my future husband to be the first man to see me. I feel so devastated right now.

The one good thing that has come out of this is that I now know how easy it is to fall if you let you guard down even for a moment. My commitment to purity is 10x stronger than it was before. I’ve learned that prudence in a relationship is so important. The 2 times that we fell together were very imprudent times to be talking to each other. The first time while I was sick and my will power was gone, the second time very late at night.

Anyway, how do I come to terms with what I’ve done? I feel like a good man won’t want to accept me now that I’ve slipped up. How do I get over this? How much should I share with my future husband on this?

Also, prayers would be very much appreciated!!! I’m still hurting inside from all of this.

Hi Inwe86,
First off, may I applaud your courage in seeking help. In my book, that is your first step towards healing.

I think that we all have “pasts” to one degree or another. From personal experience, I do know that time is indeed a great healer. Perhaps we are too accustomed, in this frenetic 21st century life, to demanding quick fix remedies. I’m not suggesting that this would be your view; merely observing that societal pressure dictates that there are “cures” for us right NOW. Often, we just need to be calm and to find solace in prayer.

The wisdom you express in your post is again indicative of your strength of character.
You are still immeasurably Loved by Him.
God Bless,
Colmcille1.

 

[Tietjen]

So first off, I just got out of a rocky relationship. The man whom I was dating struggled a lot with his faith and clearly wasn’t anywhere near ready for a Catholic marriage. Anyway, the break-up just happened this past weekend. We were a long-distance relationship. Though we were far apart, we still formed a strong emotional bond that is going to take time to heal.

Yet this isn’t the most difficult part for me. He was always slowly trying to push the moral line with me. Most of the time I remained strong, but he caught me at a couple of weak moments (he admitted to taking advantage of that), and I gave in. Granted nothing physically ever happened between us (thanks be to God). Basically we had phone sex and sent each other explicit photos.

I’ve never done anything remotely sexual with anyone before I had promised myself I would wait completely until marriage, yet I gave in to these temptations. What bothers me most are the photos. I’m absolutely positive he deleted them, but still, I had been waiting to allow my future husband to be the first man to see me. I feel so devastated right now.

The one good thing that has come out of this is that I now know how easy it is to fall if you let you guard down even for a moment. My commitment to purity is 10x stronger than it was before. I’ve learned that prudence in a relationship is so important. The 2 times that we fell together were very imprudent times to be talking to each other. The first time while I was sick and my will power was gone, the second time very late at night.

Anyway, how do I come to terms with what I’ve done? I feel like a good man won’t want to accept me now that I’ve slipped up. How do I get over this? How much should I share with my future husband on this?

Also, prayers would be very much appreciated!!! I’m still hurting inside from all of this.

You forgive yourself by going to confession and knowing & believing that God has forgiven you.

As for what to explain to a future spouse… nothing. You owe no one an explaination for a confessed sin such as this. God bless.

 

[Barbkw]

After your confession of sins, and when the priest raises his hand and says, “I absolve you of your sins in the name of the Father, and the Son and the Holy Spirit” - believe it until you feel it.

You are washed completely clean. I always feel like a bucket of God’s grace has splashed down upon me as I leave the doorway of the confessional.

Now, you know how uncontrolled mental desires become physical actions. With practice, you’ll become more and more able to control those desires.

Proof of a gracious and loving God

 

[Scoobyshme]

Sometimes God allows us to fall into sin because of our pride, in order to teach us a lesson.

There was a young monk once, who was struggling with the virtue of purity. He had “temptations,” to say the least. So, he sought out a wise old monk who was a hermit in the desert, in order to get some advice on how to deal with this temptation. He asked the old monk, “At what age does a person cease to have these types of temptations?” The old monk thought for a while, then sagely answered, “Well, from what I hear, about two or three days after you’re in the grave.”

There are five steps to falling into sin, and only three to getting back on track.

Bishop Sheen outlined these from Scripture, using St. Peter as an example. When Jesus announced His passion, etc., Jesus told Peter, “You will deny Me three times before the rooster crows twice!” Peter said he would never leave Him! (step 1 - overconfidence in ones self). Then, when Jesus was arrested, Peter followed…but at a distance. (step 2 - we follow the Lord, but not as closely. Like those folks who say, “Go to Mass EVERY week? What do you think I am? A fanatic?” ) Then, Peter began hanging out with worldly people around the fire. (Step 3. We begin to associate with those who don’t love the Lord like we used to. Worldly people. Only two things can happen in that sort of situation. 1. We convert them. or 2. They convert us to being worldly. And they have an advantage through the effects of original sin!) Then, when one of these worldly people accused Peter of being one of Jesus associates, he denied it vociferously! “I don’t even know the man!” (Step 4. We deny Christ altogether. Many in our day totally deny the Catholic faith they were brought up in and buy into the atheistic human secularism that our culture now promotes!) Finally, after Peter denied Our Lord, he saw Him, and Jesus looked him right in the eye. At that instant, Peter KNEW what he had done! That look! They say Peter then despaired. Tradition has it that Peter cried so much the rest of his life that he had furrows in his cheeks from where the tears fell. (Step 5. We despair and give up.)

But, there are only three steps to coming back to the Lord! Step 1. Jesus came to Peter, and asked him, “Peter, do you love Me?” Jesus always comes to us first. It isn’t us who go to Him. He has been called the Hound of Heaven, chasing after us in His infinite love! Step 2. Reparation must be made. Peter denied Jesus three times, and Jesus asked Peter three times if he loved Him. Step 3. Peter is finally reconciled with Jesus and all is well between the two.

Here are a couple of good talks (MP3 files) on sins against purity:

alabamacatholicresources.com/Downloads/Conquering_Lust_by_Father_Kenneth_Dean.mp3

alabamacatholicresources.com/Downloads/The_Poison_of_Pornography.mp3

 

[Frankr409]

Sometimes God allows us to fall into sin because of our pride, in order to teach us a lesson.

There was a young monk once, who was struggling with the virtue of purity. He had “temptations,” to say the least. So, he sought out a wise old monk who was a hermit in the desert, in order to get some advice on how to deal with this temptation. He asked the old monk, “At what age does a person cease to have these types of temptations?” The old monk thought for a while, then sagely answered, “Well, from what I hear, about two or three days after you’re in the grave.”

There are five steps to falling into sin, and only three to getting back on track.

Bishop Sheen outlined these from Scripture, using St. Peter as an example. When Jesus announced His passion, etc., Jesus told Peter, “You will deny Me three times before the rooster crows twice!” Peter said he would never leave Him! (step 1 - overconfidence in ones self). Then, when Jesus was arrested, Peter followed…but at a distance. (step 2 - we follow the Lord, but not as closely. Like those folks who say, “Go to Mass EVERY week? What do you think I am? A fanatic?” ) Then, Peter began hanging out with worldly people around the fire. (Step 3. We begin to associate with those who don’t love the Lord like we used to. Worldly people. Only two things can happen in that sort of situation. 1. We convert them. or 2. They convert us to being worldly. And they have an advantage through the effects of original sin!) Then, when one of these worldly people accused Peter of being one of Jesus associates, he denied it vociferously! “I don’t even know the man!” (Step 4. We deny Christ altogether. Many in our day totally deny the Catholic faith they were brought up in and buy into the atheistic human secularism that our culture now promotes!) Finally, after Peter denied Our Lord, he saw Him, and Jesus looked him right in the eye. At that instant, Peter KNEW what he had done! That look! They say Peter then despaired. Tradition has it that Peter cried so much the rest of his life that he had furrows in his cheeks from where the tears fell. (Step 5. We despair and give up.)

But, there are only three steps to coming back to the Lord! Step 1. Jesus came to Peter, and asked him, “Peter, do you love Me?” Jesus always comes to us first. It isn’t us who go to Him. He has been called the Hound of Heaven, chasing after us in His infinite love! Step 2. Reparation must be made. Peter denied Jesus three times, and Jesus asked Peter three times if he loved Him. Step 3. Peter is finally reconciled with Jesus and all is well between the two.

Here are a couple of good talks (MP3 files) on sins against purity:

alabamacatholicresources.com/Downloads/Conquering_Lust_by_Father_Kenneth_Dean.mp3

alabamacatholicresources.com/Downloads/The_Poison_of_Pornography.mp3

I like this answer, alot. Thanks for taking your time to put it together, it is all so true.