How do I forgive

[AnneTeresa]

I’m trying to figure out forgiveness. I know we are told we have to do it and it’s in the Our Father. So if we’ve forgiven someone, we no longer hold the person responsible, right? We let them off the hook.

Does that mean, in the case of deep wounds that affect us throughout our life in certain ways, that we would no longer have any feelings about it? If I am still angry when I realize again, or in a different way, how deeply that wound affected me does that mean that I haven’t forgiven? Or does forgiveness sometimes come in stages? Not sure if this makes sense, but I’m not comfortable giving a lot more personal details, so I hope someone can offer some insight.

 

[EmeraldWings]

Forgiveness does not mean the hurt feelings go away, but instead, forgiveness is in our intention and in our sincere will to forgive our enemy from our heart,
when we forgive, we choose, by our own will, to have no hatred or animosity, although you may feel otherwise, but you must pray also to forgive, and try to resist having those feelings or harping on them.
although it’s not always easy, but that is why you must ask God for help,
a good thing to meditate on to inspire you to forgive, is how often you have offended God yourself, and how many times He has forgiven you, though you do not deserve it,
and so even those who do not deserve our forgiveness, we must also forgive, as God has forgiven us out of love and not out of our worthiness.

although it may be hard to forgive now, be patient and just keep working on it,
the virtues you should practice in order to more easily forgive, are humility and charity,
humility because it is by that virtue that we recognize our own worth and how much we are really deserving of worse than we get because of our sins, and charity because it is by that virtue that we learn to sincerely love God and our neighbor, and thereby only wishing good to our neighbor and honestly wanting them to gain heaven, and also for the sake of God who loves them and want’s to be with them, in which case by hating our neighbor we offend God who loves them.

it’s just something you have to pray for and then put an effort into obtaining, it won’t happen all at once, so just be patient and don’t worry,
forgiveness is in the will, not in emotions or feeling, although you should try and overcome them.

ok, hope this helps, take care.

 

[Snugglebugmom]

Forgiving, much like love, is an act of will, and not an emotion. You will to let go of the hurt, and to move on. That does not mean that the pain and the anger magically disappear. Compare it to loving your neighbor: it doesn’t mean that you get weak in the knees every time you see them (that would be emotion) but that you wish the best for them, which ultimately means you wish to help them get to heaven. Same thing goes for forgiveness. You will to move on and wish the person that hurt you the best, meaning that you wish for them to get to heaven. It does not mean that the emotions are no longer there, just that you don’t let them have any power over you anymore. I hope that makes sense, it is the way I understand forgiveness from a Catholic perspective.

 

[PatriceA]

I’m trying to figure out forgiveness. I know we are told we have to do it and it’s in the Our Father. So if we’ve forgiven someone, we no longer hold the person responsible, right? We let them off the hook.

Does that mean, in the case of deep wounds that affect us throughout our life in certain ways, that we would no longer have any feelings about it? If I am still angry when I realize again, or in a different way, how deeply that wound affected me does that mean that I haven’t forgiven? Or does forgiveness sometimes come in stages? Not sure if this makes sense, but I’m not comfortable giving a lot more personal details, so I hope someone can offer some insight.

I think if what needs to be forgived was a serious, serious situation, the recovery from such an event is similar to the layers of an onion, you slowly have to peel away the layers and forgive each and every layer as its peeled from the onion. I’ve had a couple of situations in my past that I still can have emotions emerge or memories emerge that I thought I had already processed and worked through. But I’ve found forgiveness in those kind of situations is more of an ongoing process, sometimes I have to revisit the memories and the process again and again. I don’t think forgiveness is just a one time thing when its something that has greatly effected you, its not over and done and forgotten.

Just remember as well forgiveness does not mean you put yourself in the same position with the same person or similar type situations to be vulnerable again. Forgiveness sometimes means you walk away from a dangerous situation or people even if they are family. Forgiveness does mean you never let the anger or hatred motivate you to seek harm to the other person or seek revenge in any way. Forgiveness does not mean that the other person should not be held accountable for their actions and appropriate punishment if it is warrented, such as in criminal offenses.

 

[JRKH]

I’m trying to figure out forgiveness. I know we are told we have to do it and it’s in the Our Father. So if we’ve forgiven someone, we no longer hold the person responsible, right? We let them off the hook.

Does that mean, in the case of deep wounds that affect us throughout our life in certain ways, that we would no longer have any feelings about it? If I am still angry when I realize again, or in a different way, how deeply that wound affected me does that mean that I haven’t forgiven? Or does forgiveness sometimes come in stages? Not sure if this makes sense, but I’m not comfortable giving a lot more personal details, so I hope someone can offer some insight.

Forgive us… as we forgive…This is what we ask God to do.

Others have given good asnwers but I would add this one fundemental feature of forgiveness that does not relate to feelings…Do you wish to see the person who hurt you in heaven? The thoughtful answer to this question speaks to whether you have forgivne as God wishes us to forgive.

Peace
James

 

[AnneTeresa]

Thank you all for your replies. They have helped me a lot.

 

[candle1]

Please watch this - its only short and gives Mother Teresa’s wisdom

youtube.com/watch?v=UkIjPPzm9Qc

Going to confession helps me: but I have to put my feelings onto The Altar, so I am just a little child before Him.

 

[AnneTeresa]

Candle, wow, do I ever need that humility she talks about. Thanks for posting this.