How do I Forgive?

[catholicteen96]

I was rear ended by a drunk driver and can’t find forgiveness in my heart. Is asking for compensation for my cars damages a form of revenge. Thank you

 

[Fr.Eric_Filmer]

Let me begin with stating that I’m sorry to hear that you were in an accident, and I hope that no one was injured. Forgiving others can often be difficult, but we are all supposed to continually strive to do so. In the Our Father we pray, “And forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.” Elaborating on this, the Catechism of the Catholic Church states:

2840: Now - and this is daunting - this outpouring of mercy cannot penetrate our hearts as long as we have not forgiven those who have trespassed against us. Love, like the Body of Christ, is indivisible; we cannot love the God we cannot see if we do not love the brother or sister we do see. In refusing to forgive our brothers and sisters, our hearts are closed and their hardness makes them impervious to the Father’s merciful love; but in confessing our sins, our hearts are opened to his grace.

But even though it is often not easy to forgive others, the grace of God is there to help us. I encourage you to pray about this situation and to please consider reading this article: “So, How do I Actually Forgive?”

Nevertheless, the Catechism also teaches that people have a moral obligation to try to correct the wrongs they commit (at least to the extent that it is possible):

1459: Many sins wrong our neighbor. One must do what is possible in order to repair the harm (e.g., return stolen goods, restore the reputation of someone slandered, pay compensation for injuries). Simple justice requires as much. But sin also injures and weakens the sinner himself, as well as his relationships with God and neighbor. Absolution takes away sin, but it does not remedy all the disorders sin has caused. Raised up from sin, the sinner must still recover his full spiritual health by doing something more to make amends for the sin: he must “make satisfaction for” or “expiate” his sins. This satisfaction is also called “penance.”

Along these lines, the U.S. Catholic Catechism for Adults states:

We need to safeguard property rights, pay our debts, and fulfill obligations freely incurred. The government has the right and duty to safeguard legitimate ownership of money and property and to protect people from robbery and injury.

• United States Conference of Catholic Bishops, United States Catholic Catechism for Adults (U.S.C.C.B.: Washington, D.C., 2006), 419.

As Christians we promote both mercy and justice. Generally speaking, justice includes holding people accountable for their actions when they harm others or damage another person’s property. Having said that, we should be mindful to temper justice with mercy and never use the pursuit of justice as an excuse for enacting vengeance.

In light of all this, you can still forgive the drunk driver and also insist that he (or his insurance company) give you a just compensation for the damage he caused. Holding him accountable in such a manner is not a denial of forgiveness, nor does it (in and of itself) necessarily indicate a desire for revenge. Simply put, even though he is forgiven, it is not fair for you to be stuck with the repair bill.

The car accident that you experienced must have been very frightening and upsetting, and it would be natural to have angry feelings over it, even if only for a time. But if you think that your perspective about the accident and the drunk driver may have crossed the line from a naturally occurring emotion into the actual sin of anger then I recommend that you discuss this situation with a priest. Please also reflect upon this article: “Is Anger a Sin?”