How do I get over a broken heart?

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rafarose

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Hi friends,

A while ago I asked your advice about a particular dating situation and I was blessed to have many of you encouraging me in my decision.

Fast forward two years, I am still struggling to get over my past. I met a wonderful man two years ago who I quickly fell in love with - he was incredibly handsome, intelligent, kind and we clicked, finished each other’s sentences and all that jazz. BUT, he was a non-practicing Catholic and we disagreed on fundamental values, and yet he told me he was open to understanding and hearing about the faith. He confessed his love for me and I loved his openness to the faith. I had a bit of hope we could work as a couple…until, one day he told that he watched pornography and did not find anything wrong with it. I reacted rather abruptly and ended things right away, explaining to him that we were totally different. I thought this was it and I would move on really easily.

But, wow was I so wrong. I spoke to him a month later and, to my surprise, he told me he was trying to quit and thought pornography was sinful. I felt terrible for shaming him and never sharing my true feelings towards him. I wanted to help him and I wanted to be with him but I didn’t know how to communicate this after what happened.

I started hearing less from him. I wanted to speak to him so desperately but he was really cold. I prayed every single day for him, for an entire year. I saw him at various occasions and it has always been SO awkward. I even saw him yesterday. I greeted him and he greeted back, we spoke but he barely made any eye contact. It was clear he was trying to avoid me and I am convinced he wants nothing to do with me.

It’s been two years and I feel SO childish for not getting over him. If he loved me, he would have fought for me, right? I have spoken to several guys and rejected them all, because he is the only one i think about.

How do I get over these feelings? Please pray for me.
 
I’m very sorry.

If running into him is just bringing all this back for you, you should avoid those places and people for a time so you can heal. Don’t follow him on social media. Focus on building yourself up and finding friends and activities you enjoy. With time, it will get easier.
 
If he told you that he watched porn and thought there was nothing wrong with it then you were probably right to break it off.

If it’s a case of you wondering if he really broke his porn habit and maybe it could work out…You could reach out and see if he’s still interested, and find out if he still thinks porn is ok.

Otherwise the only way you’re going to get over it long term is if you give other guys a chance and you might see that he’s not the only fish in the sea.
 
pensmama87 said:
I’m very sorry.

If running into him is just bringing all this back for you, you should avoid those places and people for a time so you can heal. Don’t follow him on social media. Focus on building yourself up and finding friends and activities you enjoy. With time, it will get easier.
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This. Two years later, you should not be giving him a second thought.
Keep BUSY. Volunteer at your church and be open to meeting someone new.

God bless you.
 
Relationships ending is hard. And it sounds as if you never got a proper resolution, he just did the slow fade. Perhaps you could pray and even if you don’t feel it now, in prayer make it an act of your will to release this person and ask God to sever any unhealthy emotional attachments you may have.

And if by chance any sexual sins were committed with this person (I’m not saying they were), bring them to Jesus in the confessional. Only saying this because in my own life, unconfessed sexual sins I committed before I was married seemed to keep me emotionally bound to people in unhealthy relationships, even though I didn’t see the connection at the time. .
 
AdamPeter said:
If he told you that he watched porn and thought there was nothing wrong with it then you were probably right to break it off.

If it’s a case of you wondering if he really broke his porn habit and maybe it could work out…You could reach out and see if he’s still interested, and find out if he still thinks porn is ok.

Otherwise the only way you’re going to get over it long term is if you give other guys a chance and you might see that he’s not the only fish in the sea.
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I think you could be friendly, but keep in mind if he’s still active with ‘porn’ that that should be a deal breaker for you. (I am not kidding, Porn is also often a gateway for the **demonic **and you shouldn’t need to deal with that either.)

We often second guess our decisions, especially if they didn’t turn out the way we hoped. If you had valid reasons to break things off the first time, and they are still very much a part of the equation today it is better to pray for him and place him in God’s hands.

I completely understand the whole idea of being stuck on a guy, but this is not ‘destiny’ or ‘meant to be’, it’s a habit of your directing or not redirecting one’s thoughts. If he does come to mind and you want to get over him say a prayer for him and then think of something else, especially a happy thought or a new poem/bible verse you try to memorize.

I highly suggest if you want to place him firmly in your past, get masses said for him. If you start dating him again, have masses said for him.

If you give him some encouragement, such as a friendly ‘howdy do’, and he’s still interested and the negative past is past, well you can try again. (My husband and I broke up while dating, and started dating a year or so later. Well, he’s my husband now for a couple of decades so…)

I think you should journal during this time and keep your eyes wide open. There are other fish in the sea, and you have loads of opportunities before you.

You are in my prayers!
 
Someone once told me after a heartbreak…

“Time is the wisest counselor”

that i found to be true.

Remember, God is in charge of all. If he is not in your life most likely you are not meant to be. hang in there you are worth so much to God and the right man when he comes along 😉

blessings
 
rafarose said:
Hi friends,

A while ago I asked your advice about a particular dating situation and I was blessed to have many of you encouraging me in my decision.

Fast forward two years, I am still struggling to get over my past. I met a wonderful man two years ago who I quickly fell in love with - he was incredibly handsome, intelligent, kind and we clicked, finished each other’s sentences and all that jazz. BUT, he was a non-practicing Catholic and we disagreed on fundamental values, and yet he told me he was open to understanding and hearing about the faith. …
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When discerning a relationship with an individual, you must accept them where they are, not where they might go. What they are doing is the single best predictor of what they will do. Getting involved with expectations of change is path to heartbreak.

There is no one path to healing, but most will involve surrounding yourself with better people. God made us social creatures, and having community is one of the strongest medicines for any ailment, both emotional and even physical.

I went to a retreat this past weekend, and it was wonderful. Afterwards, I had another engagement and had to leave early, and actually felt angry how quickly it ended. Reflecting, I realized how much I longed for Christian Community, and how I so often filled that void in the past with sinful and maladaptive habits.

I can only guess at your age, but if its like me in your late 20’s, you might try Facebook to look for young-adult Christian groups. There are few formal programs, but many grassroots groups are quietly poppy up. Even you are older or younger, the internet or your parish/diocese may have directories of available target groups.
 
elohimrules said:
Someone once told me after a heartbreak…

“Time is the wisest counselor”

that i found to be true.

Remember, God is in charge of all. If he is not in your life most likely you are not meant to be. hang in there you are worth so much to God and the right man when he comes along 😉

blessings
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Seconded.

Seriously. Time heals every wound, yet only one man was wounded for our weaknesses. Depend on God.
 
EmeraldOak said:
In prayer make it an act of your will to release this person and ask God to sever any unhealthy emotional attachments you may have.
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Second that. I had an unhealthy emotional attachment to a fellow in college (1970s), turned my “love” to “hate”, and didn’t pray to sever the resentment and let go of my “hate” until shortly after he committed suicide. And that, my friend, was a lot of years. Life is too short to waste. God will send you a means. Pray the Rosary with special emphasis on the luminous mysteries. They’re about the business of daily living.
 
Time plus distance was the only way I could do it. I stopped all contact. We didn’t see or speak. And eventually it healed.
 
rafarose said:
Hi friends,

A while ago I asked your advice about a particular dating situation and I was blessed to have many of you encouraging me in my decision.

Fast forward two years, I am still struggling to get over my past. I met a wonderful man two years ago who I quickly fell in love with - he was incredibly handsome, intelligent, kind and we clicked, finished each other’s sentences and all that jazz. BUT, he was a non-practicing Catholic and we disagreed on fundamental values, and yet he told me he was open to understanding and hearing about the faith. He confessed his love for me and I loved his openness to the faith. I had a bit of hope we could work as a couple…until, one day he told that he watched pornography and did not find anything wrong with it. I reacted rather abruptly and ended things right away, explaining to him that we were totally different. I thought this was it and I would move on really easily.

But, wow was I so wrong. I spoke to him a month later and, to my surprise, he told me he was trying to quit and thought pornography was sinful. I felt terrible for shaming him and never sharing my true feelings towards him. I wanted to help him and I wanted to be with him but I didn’t know how to communicate this after what happened.

I started hearing less from him. I wanted to speak to him so desperately but he was really cold. I prayed every single day for him, for an entire year. I saw him at various occasions and it has always been SO awkward. I even saw him yesterday. I greeted him and he greeted back, we spoke but he barely made any eye contact. It was clear he was trying to avoid me and I am convinced he wants nothing to do with me.

It’s been two years and I feel SO childish for not getting over him. If he loved me, he would have fought for me, right? I have spoken to several guys and rejected them all, because he is the only one i think about.

How do I get over these feelings? Please pray for me.
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Normally I’d be pretty heavy handed in my response but I actually understand. I had a similar situation and my mind fixated in it for years.
I can only say that in the future, when you have kids and a wonderful husband you will not fixate on this anymore.

The advice to have masses said for him was great. I’d add adoration as well.
 
Time sometimes heals, and dating some one else may help you ‘get over’ a former love interest. Not always. Confront your disappointment in this love interest, the loss of a dream. It’s not silly to say this, but go ahead and feel a little sad and grieve. That is part of getting over a heartbreak. You won’t stay there.

I had found in my own life to pray for the person, placing them in Gods hands helped me in the end years ago. it was years later I learned fromFr. Solanus Casey to have masses said for people or situations. THIS has helped me the most in dealing with disappointments and people. I wish I had known years ago when I was dating and suffering those breakups and heartbreak. I believe giving someone such a beautiful gift, even if they are unaware, is the ultimate charity and can help you heal.
 
rafarose said:
Hi friends,

A while ago I asked your advice about a particular dating situation and I was blessed to have many of you encouraging me in my decision.

Fast forward two years, I am still struggling to get over my past. I met a wonderful man two years ago who I quickly fell in love with - he was incredibly handsome, intelligent, kind and we clicked, finished each other’s sentences and all that jazz. BUT, he was a non-practicing Catholic and we disagreed on fundamental values, and yet he told me he was open to understanding and hearing about the faith. He confessed his love for me and I loved his openness to the faith. I had a bit of hope we could work as a couple…until, one day he told that he watched pornography and did not find anything wrong with it. I reacted rather abruptly and ended things right away, explaining to him that we were totally different. I thought this was it and I would move on really easily.

But, wow was I so wrong. I spoke to him a month later and, to my surprise, he told me he was trying to quit and thought pornography was sinful. I felt terrible for shaming him and never sharing my true feelings towards him. I wanted to help him and I wanted to be with him but I didn’t know how to communicate this after what happened.

I started hearing less from him. I wanted to speak to him so desperately but he was really cold. I prayed every single day for him, for an entire year. I saw him at various occasions and it has always been SO awkward. I even saw him yesterday. I greeted him and he greeted back, we spoke but he barely made any eye contact. It was clear he was trying to avoid me and I am convinced he wants nothing to do with me.

It’s been two years and I feel SO childish for not getting over him. If he loved me, he would have fought for me, right? I have spoken to several guys and rejected them all, because he is the only one i think about.

How do I get over these feelings? Please pray for me.
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As others have advised, prayer is often the very best way to get over such feelings. The intercession of our Blessed Mother and St. Monica can be extremely beneficial in cases like yours. I highly recommend that and receiving Our Lord in the Holy Eucharist.

Speaking from the position of a wife who married someone who was and possibly still is addicted to porn, if I were you I would thank the Lord that the relationship didn’t turn into anything more serious. It doesn’t seem to be one that would be in your best interest, and unfortunately the pain which past or present porn use can bring about in a marriage is truly horrendous.

Prayers heading out for you!
 
rafarose said:
Hi friends,

A while ago I asked your advice about a particular dating situation and I was blessed to have many of you encouraging me in my decision.

Fast forward two years, I am still struggling to get over my past. I met a wonderful man two years ago who I quickly fell in love with - he was incredibly handsome, intelligent, kind and we clicked, finished each other’s sentences and all that jazz. BUT, he was a non-practicing Catholic and we disagreed on fundamental values, and yet he told me he was open to understanding and hearing about the faith. He confessed his love for me and I loved his openness to the faith. I had a bit of hope we could work as a couple…until, one day he told that he watched pornography and did not find anything wrong with it. I reacted rather abruptly and ended things right away, explaining to him that we were totally different. I thought this was it and I would move on really easily.

But, wow was I so wrong. I spoke to him a month later and, to my surprise, he told me he was trying to quit and thought pornography was sinful. I felt terrible for shaming him and never sharing my true feelings towards him. I wanted to help him and I wanted to be with him but I didn’t know how to communicate this after what happened.

I started hearing less from him. I wanted to speak to him so desperately but he was really cold. I prayed every single day for him, for an entire year. I saw him at various occasions and it has always been SO awkward. I even saw him yesterday. I greeted him and he greeted back, we spoke but he barely made any eye contact. It was clear he was trying to avoid me and I am convinced he wants nothing to do with me.

It’s been two years and I feel SO childish for not getting over him. If he loved me, he would have fought for me, right? I have spoken to several guys and rejected them all, because he is the only one i think about.

How do I get over these feelings? Please pray for me.
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I’m sorry. I think time will tell. Time heals all wounds. This too shall pass. I HATE USING CLICHES, but that is the most helpful thing I can write right now.
 
venite_adoremus said:
Second that. I had an unhealthy emotional attachment to a fellow in college (1970s), turned my “love” to “hate”, and didn’t pray to sever the resentment and let go of my “hate” until shortly after he committed suicide. And that, my friend, was a lot of years. Life is too short to waste. God will send you a means. Pray the Rosary with special emphasis on the luminous mysteries. They’re about the business of daily living.
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I am sorry for what you went through. And thank you for sharing your wisdom. Praying for the repose of his soul. :crossrc:
 
bmaj said:
As others have advised, prayer is often the very best way to get over such feelings. The intercession of our Blessed Mother and St. Monica can be extremely beneficial in cases like yours. I highly recommend that and receiving Our Lord in the Holy Eucharist.

Speaking from the position of a wife who married someone who was and possibly still is addicted to porn, if I were you I would thank the Lord that the relationship didn’t turn into anything more serious. It doesn’t seem to be one that would be in your best interest, and unfortunately the pain which past or present porn use can bring about in a marriage is truly horrendous.

Prayers heading out for you!
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Thank you for the prayers. Keeping you and your husband in my prayers :gopray:
 
Thank you everyone for your thoughts and prayers. I really appreciate them. :gopray: :gopray:
 
You learned of proverbs 4 23

Guard your heart out of it come all the issues of life.

Submit you heart to the holy spirit. And he will set you free.
 
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