How do I get to know this guy with all this chemistry in the way lol?

[FierySoul]

I am a women who has one year left on my annulment, according to my advocate. I have known this man for a while and have feelings for him. These feelings are mutual. In fact, they are incredibly strong. He is a traditional, devout Catholic, but his disposition is quite passionate. We’ve decided to stop all contact, which was absolutely heartbreaking and I really miss him. But once the annulment is declared (solid case), I worry about how we would remain chaste if we even try to get to know each other in a more serious manner. Especially with both of us coming from an experienced past. I really don’t know what to do.

 

[pensmama87]

Why did you decide to cut off all contact? Is it because of fears of committing adultery (since your marriage is still presumed valid at this point)? I would say that if you could maintain an appropriate relationship with him now, this would be an excellent time to get to know him as a friend, and then see where things progress if you are granted a declaration of nullity.

But if your feelings are so strong that they are tempting you to sin while you are still considered married, then you might have to consider that despite these strong feelings this would be the wrong man for you no matter what happens.

 

[dshix]

Why did you decide to cut off all contact? Is it because of fears of committing adultery (since your marriage is still presumed valid at this point)? I would say that if you could maintain an appropriate relationship with him now, this would be an excellent time to get to know him as a friend, and then see where things progress if you are granted a declaration of nullity.

But if your feelings are so strong that they are tempting you to sin while you are still considered married, then you might have to consider that despite these strong feelings this would be the wrong man for you no matter what happens.

I agree with this.

FierySoul, if you are incapable of controlling yourself even when you know that not doing so is a mortal sin (that is, complete separation from God and damnation to Hell) then you are NOT ready to be married, emotionally, spiritually, or mentally. You have your priorities out of order.

If you learn to know this man as a friend first, and only as a friend, both of you will be much, much better able to marry with maturity.

For now, you should be seeing him as a friend in non private events, that is, without the two of you alone. If you wish, see each other at Church or in social events, but not alone together.

Be careful, be virtuous, and always value your faith and your soul over all other things. Keep in mind that emotions are only that: emotions. They are temporary, superficial, and constantly changing.

Don’t do something you will regret later, or even eternally.

 

[esieffe]

If you learn to know this man as a friend first, and only as a friend, both of you will be much, much better able to marry with maturity.

For now, you should be seeing him as a friend in non private events, that is, without the two of you alone. If you wish, see each other at Church or in social events, but not alone together.

Be careful, be virtuous, and always value your faith and your soul over all other things. Keep in mind that emotions are only that: emotions. They are temporary, superficial, and constantly changing.

Don’t do something you will regret later, or even eternally.

Start meeting at the bowling alley or Hockey. Great advice above.

 

[april32010]

if your marriage isn’t annulled,you are married.

 

[FierySoul]

I appreciate these responses, think they are very good. I did cut off contact because I was afraid of where things would lead. Yes, April, believe me, I’m very aware that I’m still considered married and must abide by this. But even if I’m determined single, I still must remain chaste. But it’s extremely difficult to be in a serious relationship with a man I am attracted to having been in a sexually active relationship for so long. Its hard to go backwards, I guess.

Perhaps I will contact him and ask if he wants to meet up in a public place. See how this goes.

Merry Christmas everyone!

 

[april32010]

if your marriage isn’t annulled,you are married.

this means you can’t have a "serious relationship " until you are no longer married in the eyes of the Church.

 

[Cristiano]

I appreciate these responses, think they are very good. I did cut off contact because I was afraid of where things would lead. Yes, April, believe me, I’m very aware that I’m still considered married and must abide by this. But even if I’m determined single, I still must remain chaste. But it’s extremely difficult to be in a serious relationship with a man I am attracted to having been in a sexually active relationship for so long. Its hard to go backwards, I guess.

Perhaps I will contact him and ask if he wants to meet up in a public place. See how this goes.

Merry Christmas everyone!

Chastity covers different levels, for two free people forming a strong relationship without a sexual interaction is a chaste behavior. However, two people that are not free even such a non physical relationship completely lacks chastity. You did the right thing with stopping the relationship until you get an annulment. What if the relationship goes on and you do not get an annulment, then what do you plan to do?