How do I go on when I've been hurt through my own fault?

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dianeofcdc

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HELP, I was brought up Catholic then I left the church at 50 I returned after making a promise to someone, at first it was difficult and then a wonderful priest came to the parish - he taught me that JESUS loves me. Sound funny? I really didn’t beleive it until then. - I trusted him then he left. At first we kept in contact then one day he stopped contacting me. 2 yrs later I found him again, and it was like nothing ever happened. I didnt ask and he didn’t say why? Now another yr has passed and I hurt him with things I said that weren’t true.
He says he’s forgiven me but told me I need professional help, which I am getting. However, he won’t talk to me anymore. I miss our conversations and his advice. What can I do?
My faith now means more to me then anything I spend hrs each day trying to help others find their faith and never loose it. I want him to know how much he’s given me and made me whole again. But he’s moved on, I know where, but when I visit its like I don’t exist in his eyes.Please advise me what I can do?
 
Give it a few years - heal - pray. You don’t know exactly how he feels. Don’t blame yourself, but just move on with your life - heal & pray. In a number of years, if you still want to get in touch with him, then write him a brief note that thanking him for his help in getting to know Jesus better and shows your detachment from the priest.🤷
 
dianeofcdc said:
HELP, I was brought up Catholic then I left the church at 50 I returned after making a promise to someone, at first it was difficult and then a wonderful priest came to the parish - he taught me that JESUS loves me. Sound funny? I really didn’t beleive it until then. - I trusted him then he left. At first we kept in contact then one day he stopped contacting me. 2 yrs later I found him again, and it was like nothing ever happened. I didnt ask and he didn’t say why? Now another yr has passed and I hurt him with things I said that weren’t true.
He says he’s forgiven me but told me I need professional help, which I am getting. However, he won’t talk to me anymore. I miss our conversations and his advice. What can I do?
My faith now means more to me then anything I spend hrs each day trying to help others find their faith and never loose it. I want him to know how much he’s given me and made me whole again. But he’s moved on, I know where, but when I visit its like I don’t exist in his eyes.Please advise me what I can do?
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Forgive me but your post comes across as if you are stalking him. Maybe he feels that way which is why he told you to seek professional help. You say you are doing this so concentrate on getting well and continue to love our Lord Jesus. Stop trying to contact the priest.
 
I agree with Brigid - give it time, pray for his healing, and yours, and in five years or so if you still feel the need to contact him, send him a short note.

It’s common to feel a psychological dependency on someone who has helped you out a lot - I believe it’s called “projection.” You feel so grateful and so inspired that you want to cling to him. I know that feeling can be really powerful, but you MUST keep your distance and focus on what the priest gave you, not the priest himself. The best way to thank him will be to live a Christian life. You’ll meet again in heaven with both of your minds purified of the past, and then he will know how he helped you.

Try to get to know some other people, and please resist the urge to keep contacting the priest. It will only spiral out of control more if you do.
 
Diane,
You go on by throwing yourself into other things, try volunteering…I don’t quite know all what this is about, but sounds like you may have been too attached to this priest and nowadays, after all the scandal of the past ,you can’t blame him for detaching himself, if he felt the relationship was taking an unhealthy turn…I really admire my parish priest and consider him a big time help in my faith staying strong through his sermons, very uplifting, i hold him in high esteem, and most important, respect the vows he has taken as a priest…You might want to send him a letter, and let him know you are having therapy now, and your life has turned around. You just wanted to thank him for helping you grow in faith and you wish him all the best in this life. I think that would give you closure. Leave it at that, and move on from there…Warmly,LynneMarie
 
Learn from your mistake and accept your fault. All it takes is time and patience, and then, one day, you will finally forgive yourself.

Ironically Yours, Blade and Blood
 
If your getting help it sounds like you admit you had problems and the priest knows you have, he is not in need of praise or thanks, if he helped you well and good he has done his job and his reward will be in heaven.
If you are grateful then simply pray for him, God rewards good works.
 
Diane it’s possible that the things you said …including the hurtful things…put up warning bells telling him you were more personally attached than is wise for him to encourage. It’s understandable enough to have warm gratitude, but a priest needs to be particularly cautious. The fact that he acts with detachment now isn’t a rejection of you, but wise caution. When he inspired and helped you, it was personal in the sense that he welcomed you as a loved child of God, but it wasn’t personal in a subjective sense. He was helping and inspiring God’s child towards God. If he detected any attachment, for peace and wisdom’s sake, a priest would naturally withdraw somewhat. It is his responsibility to do so. Though caring, he must be professional. It hurts you that this priest has made the distance, but it isn’t intended as a personal rejection.

He doesn’t need to know the progress you made as he trusts you to God. You may wish him to know because you have that attachment…but your very desire to do so would keep him wary if he had detected attachment…which is very natural. You are going to need to let that go and live and give only for God and the benefit of othes. Don’t look back to him, but pray for him of course. You will be able to thank him in heaven. Please don’t blame yourself. It’s all part of your growth as a person. You can’t ‘fix’ this in the way you want because God can’t allow you to return to your training wheels. You have to stand on your own with Him. The priest says he has forgiven you and you can be sure that he has, and that he hasn’t allowed even your unkind words to become personal. He had and has only your best interests at heart, and this includes leaving you to mature with God.

My compassion and prayers 🙂 But you’ll be okay!!!
 
THANK YOU ALL for your words of wisdom, I never looked at it that way, and you’re all right.
Thanks for opening my eyes.
Diane
 
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