C
cominghome
Guest
Jen,
I believe I can speak from your husband’s point of view. It wasn’t very long ago that I suffered from the same issue with pornography. I couldn’t go for a day without looking at pornography via the internet, movies, magazines, etc. If I missed it for a day I would feel like I had left something undone (similar to the feeling you get when you think you forgot to turn off the stove when you left home.) Sounds funny but it was truly that deeply ingrained.
I’m going to go against just about everything that has been said on this board. Don’t throw it out or threaten to throw it out. Don’t give him an ultimatum. Don’t drag him to the parish priest. Don’t get him into counselling. Don’t send him to a men’s retreat or drag him to a marriage encounter with the intent of curing the problem.
I finally made the decision to leave the stuff alone. I wouldn’t have if it wasn’t for my lovely wife. I believe she handled it wonderfully. Though she never told me her “rules” for dealing with it, here is what I observed her doing for me.
1- She prayed for me.
2- She never let me forget that she loved me.
3- She never pretended to condone my activity.
4- She always made sure that the person I was making love to in our bed was her. What I mean is that she always said and did things to remind me that she was my partner. She would make every kiss passionate, talk to me using my name, tell me that she was in love with me, etc. These are things that don’t fit into the fantasy that is created by pornography. I couldn’t pretend she was someone else.
5- She always snuggled up with me in bed. I think this was to remind me that she was there for me.
6- She never let me forget that God meant for us to be together.
Feel free to ignore everything I just said. Not every couple is the same. I just know that this worked for us. If my wife would have given me an ultimatum, I would have said that she was being prudish and self-conscious and I would have painted it as her problem. There is nothing she would have been able to do until I was ready. It was her actions that made me ready.
I wish you the best and I will be praying for your husband. I will also pray for you to have strength to do what you see as best
I believe I can speak from your husband’s point of view. It wasn’t very long ago that I suffered from the same issue with pornography. I couldn’t go for a day without looking at pornography via the internet, movies, magazines, etc. If I missed it for a day I would feel like I had left something undone (similar to the feeling you get when you think you forgot to turn off the stove when you left home.) Sounds funny but it was truly that deeply ingrained.
I’m going to go against just about everything that has been said on this board. Don’t throw it out or threaten to throw it out. Don’t give him an ultimatum. Don’t drag him to the parish priest. Don’t get him into counselling. Don’t send him to a men’s retreat or drag him to a marriage encounter with the intent of curing the problem.
I finally made the decision to leave the stuff alone. I wouldn’t have if it wasn’t for my lovely wife. I believe she handled it wonderfully. Though she never told me her “rules” for dealing with it, here is what I observed her doing for me.
1- She prayed for me.
2- She never let me forget that she loved me.
3- She never pretended to condone my activity.
4- She always made sure that the person I was making love to in our bed was her. What I mean is that she always said and did things to remind me that she was my partner. She would make every kiss passionate, talk to me using my name, tell me that she was in love with me, etc. These are things that don’t fit into the fantasy that is created by pornography. I couldn’t pretend she was someone else.
5- She always snuggled up with me in bed. I think this was to remind me that she was there for me.
6- She never let me forget that God meant for us to be together.
Feel free to ignore everything I just said. Not every couple is the same. I just know that this worked for us. If my wife would have given me an ultimatum, I would have said that she was being prudish and self-conscious and I would have painted it as her problem. There is nothing she would have been able to do until I was ready. It was her actions that made me ready.
I wish you the best and I will be praying for your husband. I will also pray for you to have strength to do what you see as best
Watch EWTN’s Life on the Rock this Thursday night (2/24/2005). Ken Henderson will be on there discussing this very issue. Here’s the press release: