How do I handle this appropriately?

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shannyk

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Since I was a wee person, my paternal grandmother told me that when she passed away, I would get her aquamarine ring, since it was both of our birthstone (March). This was a yearly conversation, when we visited my grandparents in Florida, up until I was well into adulthood. She passed away when I was 29, over 3 years ago. My dad has all of her jewelry, including the ring, and other rings and jewelry she promised to my sisters. He knows that grandma had set aside certain pieces for us, but we have yet to hear anything about giving the rings to us. We thought maybe he was hanging on to them until both my grandparents died, which could be but my grandfather has since passed too almost 2 years ago.

So, we are all wondering if and how we go about asking my dad for these items, and how to do it appropriately. I think he has some fear that we might misuse or sell the jewelry, which I would never ever do, but I feel his fears are unfounded and the items still belong to us. Am I off base? I don’t have any experience in dealing with this type of situation…advice appreciated.:o
 
Gently ask him if he knew Grandma had promised certain pieces of her jewelry to each of you. Maybe he just is having a hard time letting them go because they remind him of his mom?

It wouldn’t be wrong to ask him about it though, respect his answer too.

Brenda V.
 
Is your father aware of these past conversations with your grandmother?

If so, it will make things easier, but if not just being honest is the best approach.

“hey dad, I promised grandmother I’d take care of so and so ring, she wanted me to have it, do you know where it is?” From there the ball is in his court.

I wouldn’t make a big deal outta this, I’m sure your grandmother would not the ring to be a source of family strife.
 
My maternal grandmother died when I was 6. On the day I was born she gave my mom a medallion of our Holy Mother to wear until I was 18, and then it was to be given to me. The medallion has been in the family for generations. My grandmother received it from her mother on the day my oldest aunt was born. It is to be passed down to the oldest female in each generation. [My sister and I are the only two female grandchildren out of 40 kids! We’re numbers 35 and 37.]

I’m 24, and I still don’t have the piece. My mom and her mother were really close. My mom still wears the medallion around her neck, and she has every single day since I was born. I don’t think she is intentionally keeping it from me, but I don’t think she can part with it.

I’m not going to ask my mom for it. When my mother passes [hopefully decades from now] I will collect it, and I will wear it and pass it down to my children. My sister knows the piece is mine, and my brothers have no interest in it.

Maybe your father is going through the same thing. Maybe the jewelery reminds him of his mother when he looks at it. Death is dealt with very differently by people, and he may just not be ready to part with the pieces. Please bring it up gently as this could be very hard for him. Especially if it was a piece she wore frequently.
 
shannyk said:
So, we are all wondering if and how we go about asking my dad for these items, and how to do it appropriately. I think he has some fear that we might misuse or sell the jewelry, which I would never ever do, but I feel his fears are unfounded and the items still belong to us. Am I off base? I don’t have any experience in dealing with this type of situation…advice appreciated.:o
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**Would your siblings sell or misuse them? If so, your dad might not want to offend them by trusting you with the ring promised to you but not giving them what they were promised…🤷

I would talk to your dad, one on one, and just ask him what he thinks. If it was really important to your grandma then she would have left a will. So, for now, just see what your dad has to say I guess. (I bet it’s a really pretty ring…aquamarine is such a beautiful color).**
 
Thanks for all the replies, they all make perfect sense.👍 I think just asking him in the nicest way I can will be the route to go.

Actually the jewelry was mentioned in her will, along with other items, that were to be distributed amongst family at her death, though my dad is executor of my grandparents estate, takes care of their properties etc. manages my grandfathers art(he was a golden age comic book artist), and distributes money to his brother per their wills. My dad KNOWS full well she wanted us to have them, she was frequently talking about what would happen to her things when she and grandpa died. I recall vividly her saying to him explicitly which rings went to which granddaughter, so he knows.

It could be that he doesn’t want to part with them, but I doubt it’s sentimental. My dad has a very business relationship with her (which he does with everyone really). If he’s holding on to them for fear of us selling them, I think we have all shown that we are better than that.:rolleyes: none of us would.
(I bet it’s a really pretty ring…aquamarine is such a beautiful color).
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It is beautiful, and my birthstone. Since I don’t wear my wedding rings any more I am especially keen on wearing it so my hands don’t feel so bare. It’s an art deco type setting too from the 30’s, which I adore.
 
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