How do I help my friend who feels hopeless?

[stanncie]

Hello friends:

I have a ‘friend’ and I put it like that because I’ve never actually met her. I do feel close to her since we have chatted almost daily on twitter for over 4 years. We also share a love for the same musical band which is how we started chatting.

She lives in Venezuela which as many of you probably know is not in the best situation at the moment. Food is scarce, medicine and pretty much basic necessities are out of reach for many people. My friend is a university professor and she is an only child in her early 40’s. Unfortunately her mother has Alzheimer’s and her father is elderly. A lot of her mother’s care falls on her.

At first she would only complain once in a while about how the country was going in the wrong direction etc. She was mostly upbeat and even traveled to Chile in 2012 to see our beloved band.

As time passed though and the situation in her country worsened I could see how much it started to affect her daily life. Soon she couldn’t even travel domestically because the cost was astronomical, her teaching hours were cut, food prices went through the roof, everything became scarce, they instituted daily power outages lasting up to four hours in her hometown and she of course started getting more and more anxious.

On top of it , her mother’s illness has gotten worse, apparently she can get very combative, anxious and has trouble sleeping. I know as a PT this is normal in that type of patient. She is now having difficulty paying for the medicine her mom needs, she can’t afford to take her to the doctor regularly and her extended family are of no help. Instead they criticize her and accuse her of not taking care of her properly

Our topic of conversation has always been related to our fave band and music/entertainment in general. Of course once in a while faith/religion would pop up and it was clear to me she was catholic and had gone to church pretty much her whole life. She would even sometimes post stuff about going to a procession,etc. She lives in a small town where this is very common.

For the past year or so though I have seen her get more and more hostile towards God/religion in general. I always tried to cheer her up and told her not to lose faith to put it in God’s hands, to pray etc. At first she was receptive but more and more I could tell it just angered her so I stopped. Yesterday she was desperate because she has no money for the meds her mom needs and I told her to go to her church even if she was angry at God at the moment to see if they could help and she kinda agreed.

Unfortunately another girl who also lives in Venezuela saw our combo and told her it was the worst time to get away from God, that we need to help ourselves first so God can help us , etc ( I mean I agree) but of course this just upset her. Thank God the girl noticed and just backed away nicely.

Bottom line is my friend is hopeless, angry and is becoming very bitter
She blames God for this and often asks me why he’s doing this to her. She feels trapped in her own country (her goal is to move to the US) but of course won’t leave her father to fend on his own. She also blames God for not even giving her a partner to support her. She’s never been married or had children and hasn’t been in a relationship in a long time.

What can I do other than pray? anything? Is there anything she can read to give her hope preferably in spanish? She is quite intelligent and I think would be open if I catch her in a good day. Also please keep her in your prayers, I have seen how difficult it can be to be a caregiver of an Alzheimer’s patient

Her name is Luz btw (ironic I know)

Thank you for reading this far

 

[Purgatory_Pete]

I don’t have this in Spanish but it may help.
I gather things together to place on the back page of our weekly Mass sheet.
This is what I handed out today and I think your friend and many others,
(myself included) needs to read and understand it.
I genuinely hope this helps.
And remind your friend that God did give her a partner to help her,
His name is Jesus.
You are both in my prayers.
Pete.
:tiphat:

Bear with Patience the Pains of illness

"The sickness of the body is a blessing to the soul."
To those who truly love God, everything tends to promote their salvation, 
and this is especially true of sickness. Therefore, when the hand of the Lord 
is heavy upon you, and your enfeebled frame lies weak and powerless, lift up your heart, 
O Christian, in loving humility to your God, and accept the affliction, acknowledging that 
you deserve it all, and promise to endure it in atonement for your sins. 
Do not fail to renew this offering many times during the day, because the pains of body 
which prostrate you will tend to weaken those salutary dispositions of the mind. 

In this penitential spirit you may also sweeten the bitterness of the remedies prescribed,
thus turning them into merits for eternal life. Moreover, you should 
look upon sickness as the forerunner of death; even though the disease may not be 
dangerous, it should prove a serious reminder and a powerful admonition. 
Say to yourself: "Before long my last illness may come, 
and how then will I wish to have spent my life?" 

A sick person cannot fail to realize how empty is everything which has hitherto proved an 
obstacle in the way of their salvation--wealth, honour, the applause of their fellow-men. 
Those sensual pleasures which they had enjoyed so fully in health 
can not avail them on their sick-bed.

Therefore, is it not most advisable and reasonable to so dispose our souls during health
that when our divine Lord, in His goodness, sees fit to afflict us with illness we may not 
repine, but receive it with patience? Otherwise we may increase the torments which,
perhaps, await us at its termination in purgatory. Let it be your care, then, to meditate 
frequently upon the disposition in which you will accept the sickness which will certainly 
one day be your portion, and resolve to bear it with such resignation that those pains, 
so repugnant to our ease-loving nature, may, even more than the good works we can 
perform during health, tend to the sanctification of our souls. 

Try, then, to bear with patience the pains of illness; the more severe the pain, 
the more fervently you can offer it up to Him who suffered so much for you, 
and thus you will become most dear to the sacred heart of our Lord, 
sanctifying not only your own soul, but the souls of others also, by your good example.

We should be grateful to God for having made us members of the Catholic Church,
in which there are so many helps to salvation not only during life,
but especially at the last hour, enabling us to die in His grace and friendship
with the firm hope of sharing His own happiness in heaven for all eternity.

The greatest health sometimes consists in not being healthy, that is to say, 
the best health of the soul sometimes consists in the sickness of the body. 
A state of continual good health has cast many into hell, whom a little sickness would 
have conducted to life everlasting; and many whom good health would have ruined 
forever, have, through sickness, been admitted into the mansions of bliss, 
and thus it is true as I said in the beginning: 
"That the sickness of the body is a blessing to the soul."

 

[Rosebud77]

Hello friends:

I have a ‘friend’ and I put it like that because I’ve never actually met her. I do feel close to her since we have chatted almost daily on twitter for over 4 years. We also share a love for the same musical band which is how we started chatting.

She lives in Venezuela which as many of you probably know is not in the best situation at the moment. Food is scarce, medicine and pretty much basic necessities are out of reach for many people. My friend is a university professor and she is an only child in her early 40’s. Unfortunately her mother has Alzheimer’s and her father is elderly. A lot of her mother’s care falls on her.

At first she would only complain once in a while about how the country was going in the wrong direction etc. She was mostly upbeat and even traveled to Chile in 2012 to see our beloved band.

As time passed though and the situation in her country worsened I could see how much it started to affect her daily life. Soon she couldn’t even travel domestically because the cost was astronomical, her teaching hours were cut, food prices went through the roof, everything became scarce, they instituted daily power outages lasting up to four hours in her hometown and she of course started getting more and more anxious.

On top of it , her mother’s illness has gotten worse, apparently she can get very combative, anxious and has trouble sleeping. I know as a PT this is normal in that type of patient. She is now having difficulty paying for the medicine her mom needs, she can’t afford to take her to the doctor regularly and her extended family are of no help. Instead they criticize her and accuse her of not taking care of her properly

Our topic of conversation has always been related to our fave band and music/entertainment in general. Of course once in a while faith/religion would pop up and it was clear to me she was catholic and had gone to church pretty much her whole life. She would even sometimes post stuff about going to a procession,etc. She lives in a small town where this is very common.

For the past year or so though I have seen her get more and more hostile towards God/religion in general. I always tried to cheer her up and told her not to lose faith to put it in God’s hands, to pray etc. At first she was receptive but more and more I could tell it just angered her so I stopped. Yesterday she was desperate because she has no money for the meds her mom needs and I told her to go to her church even if she was angry at God at the moment to see if they could help and she kinda agreed.

Unfortunately another girl who also lives in Venezuela saw our combo and told her it was the worst time to get away from God, that we need to help ourselves first so God can help us , etc ( I mean I agree) but of course this just upset her. Thank God the girl noticed and just backed away nicely.

Bottom line is my friend is hopeless, angry and is becoming very bitter
She blames God for this and often asks me why he’s doing this to her. She feels trapped in her own country (her goal is to move to the US) but of course won’t leave her father to fend on his own. She also blames God for not even giving her a partner to support her. She’s never been married or had children and hasn’t been in a relationship in a long time.

What can I do other than pray? anything? Is there anything she can read to give her hope preferably in spanish? She is quite intelligent and I think would be open if I catch her in a good day. Also please keep her in your prayers, I have seen how difficult it can be to be a caregiver of an Alzheimer’s patient

Her name is Luz btw (ironic I know)

Thank you for reading this far

Just be there for her.listening, praying, She honours and trusts you in her venting and openness… Just be there to let her talk it all out and pray. You are a good good caring friend

 

[stanncie]

Hello everyone

I’m reviving this thread which didn’t really get a lot of responses but I can understand why to be honest. Well, things for my friend have just gotten worse since I posted. Her mom fell and now is very afraid of walking. My friend has had to quit her full time teaching job because her mom can’t be left alone now. She is also incontinent so that’s an added stress.

Things in Venezuela have also gotten worse and they are now almost in a full dictatorship


My friend is full of bitterness now she often just posts for everyone to see her daily struggles. Her posts are full of resentment, despair and she feels completely trapped.

She still posts about music and stuff but I would say more than half her posts are about her mom and her family situation. I’m glad no one has really unfollowed her on twitter or at least I haven’t seen it. No one chats with her much though including myself. I feel bad about this but I don’t know what to tell her.

She has lost her faith in God and often posts about how God doesn’t really exist. Whenever people post stuff about God or a positive message about hope etc she quotes it and says naaaah not true! It’s passive aggressive but I understand her and I don’t blame her. Her faith was just not strong enough. I would like to believe I would behave differently in her situation but one never knows.

Anyways I know there’s not much I can do to help her except pray and maybe console her the best I can. I would also like to ask to please pray for this girl. She really needs it