How do I integrate myself into a parish? What if I can't?

  • Thread starter Thread starter ConfusedLucy
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Have you ever given thought to think about entering an enclosed convent or the like.

Maybe this is your vocation.

Only a suggestion.
 
celtspirit said:
Have you ever given thought to think about entering an enclosed convent or the like.

Maybe this is your vocation.

Only a suggestion.
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Not sure my husband would like like that!

That being said I think I am the sort who prefers structure. One of the things I miss from my days on campus was having everything based around a convenient location and having regular meals together after mass. I am probably still craving a lifestyle that won’t be coming back.

I don’t feel like parish church’s are the right place for me but I need to receive the Eucharist and at least try to nourish my soul so I will have to keep going. I probably sound like a socially anxious wreck but it’s only church that makes me this bad, I have started new jobs, met friends of friends and gone to weddings with little problem, it’s just something about being around people but never feeling integrated that makes me uncomfortable.

I am going to send an email to the parish secretary to see if there is any interest in an evening Bible study. I have probably picked a bad time of year as it is now the summer vacation and everything at church has kind of shut down for summer. Wish me luck.
 
Minion_w_a_drum said:
It is the Catholic church, you’re not supposed to feel welcome, befriended nor included. Go to mass, sit toward the back, preferably alone, keep your head down and your mouth closed and exit the church as soon as father passes your pew after he leaves the altar. It is the Catholic way to do things.
One practice I’ve adopted is that I back into my parking spot. It makes for a really quick exit…

Try it. You’ll like it…
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Well, especially for younger ish people the church crowd can be a bit bleh. But on the flip side does no one ever question themselves?

I am like the least churchy church person and I have managed to meet another like me

I have met some nice old people, granted we aren’t hanging out…but a post mass doughnut convo and such.

humans suck, I don’t deny that…but I am reminded of something:

“If you have a problem with one person it is them, 5 people maybe them, everyone and the problem is you”
 
Lucy, I started to go back to church 3 years ago. When I first started going back to church I ALWAYS sat in the back pew. Why? Because I was checking things out. Seeing if anybody would run me out. And I was embarrassed that I could not receive the Eucharist. I didn’t think I would be accepted. I’m covered head-to-toe in tattoos and my favorite wardrobe are blue jeans, back boots, black Harley Davidson T-shirts and a thick chain wallet. I thought I was slick sitting in the back. But people walked by said Hi to me to get to the front pews. Some people I didn’t even know stopped and talked to me. So I guess what I’m saying is don’t be afraid to look at people in the eye, smile and say hello! How has your week been? You will be surprised how much people will talk.
 
I have made a conscious effort to try engage (not sure how to put it) by saying good morning when I get handed the missal and smiling at people during the sign of peace. Tea and coffee have stopped during the summer vacation but I will try to go regularly in September.

I’m feeling a bit negative about whether there will be enough interest in an evening Bible study, the only people who go to them are elderly and aren’t keen on evenings especially in the winter.
 
This thread reminds me of a story. Last Sunday I went to a parish and afterwards came downstairs for some coffee. I was there by myself with my coffee and then a very nice lady came up to me and invited me to sit with her and introduced me to other people.

I don’t agree that Catholics are always cold or distant. Maybe it depends on the parish, but in my experience in Latin Mass parishes, there are many friendly people who introduced themselves to me and were welcoming. And I’m a shy quiet person who usually doesn’t do well in groups.

If your parish is not like this, maybe it could help joining a prayer group, starting up the Legion of Mary, etc?
 
ConfusedLucy said:
I have made a conscious effort to try engage (not sure how to put it) by saying good morning when I get handed the missal and smiling at people during the sign of peace. Tea and coffee have stopped during the summer vacation but I will try to go regularly in September.

I’m feeling a bit negative about whether there will be enough interest in an evening Bible study, the only people who go to them are elderly and aren’t keen on evenings especially in the winter.
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There are two things I can recommend:

(1) Join established groups. Starting a new group is a good idea, but if you don’t know anyone, and they don’t know you, it can be a little intimidating. Offering to help or participate in an established group is often a softer entry. A service ministry, especially, is a nice, relaxed way to get to know people.

(2) Introduce yourself to the pastor and to any other members of the clergy (assistant priest, deacon, etc). Tell them you’d like to get involved and ask for suggestions. Pastors (at least the good ones) are aware of everything going on in the church and can often facilitate introductions.

I did the “sit in the back with my head down” attendance for many, many years. As soon as I took my first step toward being an active member of the church (in my case, joining RCIA as I wasn’t actually Catholic), I found lots of people willing to take my hand and help me discern what roles God was asking me to play - and a great many new friends!
 
pianistclare said:
Talk in person with the parish secretary. She knows EVERYONE. She knows which ministries are particularly welcome. Please remember that volunteering is not limited to "every Monday morning from 9am-11am. Delivering food baskets at Thanksgiving likely coincides with your time off.
Sorting things in the food pantry can be done whenever you are available.
You can work the coffee and donuts when you come to church anyway.
We are a small parish, and we have over 50 “ministries” Just ask her. She’ll steer you somewhere She will not give out contact info though. She will take YOUR info and pass it along. If you don’t receive a call or email within a week, ask her again.
You can likely be introduced to many of the ministry leaders after Mass on Sunday.
Let us know how it turns out!
Welcome here, btw. 🙂
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I concur … parish secretary is great advice.
 
Sometimes people are as shy as you are…

One of the things I found most offputting when first attending Mass here in Ireland was rhe sheer numbers. Queing for communion with so many I did not and could not know,

But always ifi made the effort there were one or two l can chat to after
 
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