How do i keep him satified?

[cthulhubryan]

I think the problem with that is me not him. He’s already sort of doing that. We don’t spend as much time together because he doesn’t want to be tempted, and his “complaining” is more of explaining to me why he cant give me more.

What I want isn’t bad. I love cuddling, also (kinda random) I want to just take a nap with him. I think falling alseep in his arms would be awesome

That is fine, there should be no problem.Before the nap, you drink a glass of milk and he does 200 pushups, 200 situps and 400 side straddle hops (jumping jacks) then there is no problem taking a nap.

Oh, but put a blanket between you.

 

[happymommy]

You know, have you ever watched the Duggar show, the show with the couple that has 17 kids, jellie? It is really good, and while I don’t agree with everything these parents teach, I think the morality of their older kids is a beautiful example of how one should act before marriage. Their son is now engaged, and he and his fiancee are saving their FIRST kiss for their wedding day. They also have a chaperone (like another couple to double date with, to watch out for each other, etc) on every date. I thought this was a bit archaic at first, but you know, it can help with situations like you find yourself in now. Maybe agree to double date, etc…for now. It is not your place to satisfy your bf. I think you intended a different title than that–lol. But, you can encourage good behavior in one another, by CHOOSING TO not be alone together…choosing to do things that don’t isolate you from others, and put you in tempting spots.

If your bf is unwilling to do this, but continues to tell you of his struggles…letting him go might be a better thing. If you both want to avoid temptation…then, you do just that. You avoid it. Good luck and God bless!

I was just thinking about that show.

My husband and I didn’t wait for each other and we didn’t wait until our wedding night, our faith was not where it is today and it’s something that we both regret and I hope we can spare our children the same pain.
If he truly cares for you, he will wait. Pray together about it. Seek the advise of your priest. Let it be known that you want to remain pure and have those around you, that love you, help you in that journey.

 

[Ruthie]

What I want isn’t bad. I love cuddling, also (kinda random) I want to just take a nap with him. I think falling alseep in his arms would be awesome

It will be awesome - on your wedding night!

Real love is more than just holding hands and being starry-eyed. Me and DH still do that, though, after almost 13 years, so I’m not saying it’s bad!

But part of marriage is giving things up for each other. I think you are at a point where you need to give up the cuddling and smooching for a while, to help him out. Read Bama’s story again, and feel the love in it.

Your BF has given up some time with you, to help you both stay pure. Do you think he wanted to? - I didn’t think so! So, if you want more of his time, then be ready to give up the snuggly stuff, for now. You’ll have a lifetime to indulge it, later. (It’s not something you have to grow out of!) Meet in well-lighted places where there are plenty of people, and keep your hands off!

My mother and I had a loving little goodbye that you could adopt. We’d touch the tips of our index fingers together, and say, “Keep in touch!”

I **do **know what it’s like. DH and I weren’t Catholic when we wed, and I had a teenage mistake behind me that had to go to the marriage tribunal - we were celibate for 2 years, while we waited. But we want eternity together.

God bless you,

Ruthie, who still loves to snuggle with DH

 

[vocatio]

When I said satisfied i meant emotionally not physically. How can I ease his burden without endangering my purity. Again our relationship is solid and not based on the physical, and he hasn’t asked for anything.

Thank you BamaRider; if avoiding alone time is our only option i’ll have to start suggesting group time. I just wish there was another way. I miss him holding me.

You mean to not endager his and your purity don’t you? Men are physical and women are emotional. Getting too frisky is not a good thing for a guy. Especially if he has restraint issues. Sounds like he’s been trying so far from what you’ve said tough. Try saying a rosary together or reading the bible together. Do something that involves the proper relationship…with God at the top/center.

 

[AquinasSouth]

I’d ike to try and offer something from a male perspective. I heard this analogy once, and it made a lot of sense (not to mention, it rang true from my experiences): men are like microwaves, women are like slow cookers. Both designs are good, just different.

Men are sensual by nature. We like to touch, see, taste, smell, etc. Just being around the woman we love can be an intoxicating experience. So much of our emotional connection is linked to the physical, it’s very hard to separate the two sometimes. Not that I’m advocating that the physical be THE motivating factor, but it is a primary factor, nonetheless. And that experience goes into “low power” almost immediately when we’re around our significant other. Holding hands, or a simple kiss can (and often does) begin to lead to sexual arousal. “Making out”, or prolonged kissing puts us into “high power”, while women are probably in “low power” at this point. And not necessarily thinking along the same lines as what a guy would be, either, if you get my drift.

The point I’m trying to make is this: The pleasure and desire of being physcially close is part of God’s plan for human persons. Sexual arousal is preparation for our bodies to have intercourse. And if intercourse is about bonding a relationship for a lifelong commitment, and for making babies, then who’s really “ready”? A married couple, of course. Sexual arousal is meant to be pure, chaste, and loving in a committed marriage. Sexual arousal is impure and unchaste and using when a couple is unmarried. Your bodies are “ready” for something that you have not yet taken vows to commit to for life. Just lying next to a woman (clothes and all) would be a very tempting moment for a guy. She may be in “off” or “warm” mode, but he will probably be moving up to “low power”, especially if there’s any kissing invloved.

The virtue of chasitity starts first in your heart and mind, and then in your actions. Our bodies respond sexually whether we’re married or not. We decide how we act, but it makes it that much harder for us guys if the microwave has already been turned on.

Hope this helps. If you want to keep each other satisfied, please try to express all sexual desire with the three R’s: Respect, Reverence, and Restraint. God Bless…

 

[vocatio]

Rated PG-13 Parental Guidance suggested.

AquinasSouth,
My wife and I was presented a similar speech in one lesson prior to a civil marriage from our preacher. He said men are like light switches and women are like irons. It takes a man an instant to be be sexually aroused. He said that women need time to warm up to it and to wind down from it and that we should communicate in this in marriage so that we can please each other. A lot of our previous faith is very similar to Catholic teaching. In fact, had my Father-in-Law not been and elder we probably would have been required to go through a series of classes that would have lasted about 6 monts. That is what the preacher told us he normally does with couples considering marriage. It sounds like pre-cana marriage preparation.

Adult content, Parental Guidance required.
This is a good analogy and it does ring true. It’s too bad we can’t have real classes for married couples to help them learn how to “please” each other in the marrital act. It took us 12 years it seems to finally get it right. Women can be so pent up in anxieties that they just don’t know how to allow the sensation to bring them to the goal.

Sorry if this is too explicit. I don’t mean to be. I just thought that I’d throw that in there for the married folks and the ones considering marriage.

 

[whatevergirl]

Rated PG-13 Parental Guidance suggested.

AquinasSouth,
My wife and I was presented a similar speech in one lesson prior to a civil marriage from our preacher. He said men are like light switches and women are like irons. It takes a man an instant to be be sexually aroused. He said that women need time to warm up to it and to wind down from it and that we should communicate in this in marriage so that we can please each other. A lot of our previous faith is very similar to Catholic teaching. In fact, had my Father-in-Law not been and elder we probably would have been required to go through a series of classes that would have lasted about 6 monts. That is what the preacher told us he normally does with couples considering marriage. It sounds like pre-cana marriage preparation.

Adult content, Parental Guidance required.
This is a good analogy and it does ring true. It’s too bad we can’t have real classes for married couples to help them learn how to “please” each other in the marrital act. It took us 12 years it seems to finally get it right. **Women can be so pent up in anxieties that they just don’t know how to allow the sensation to bring them to the goal. **
Sorry if this is too explicit. I don’t mean to be. I just thought that I’d throw that in there for the married folks and the ones considering marriage.

Good post. Not all women…but I understand what you are saying.

Bottom line, sex shouldn’t even be a discussion between two people who are just dating. It’s good to be open about feelings, but if you keep talking about something…it can become more intriguing for a couple.

 

[vocatio]

I agree, sex should not be discussed between couples dating. They should make a point of being in a place where they can’t fall into the temptation and discuss wholesome subjects. That’s why I offered the bible/catechism/rosary/Liturgy of the Hours/Mass togetherness. I still haven’t figured out why people don’t see this as romantic. There is nothing more romantic than being with God with your current or future vocation in mind.

[edited to add] Oh and you didn’t have to bring more attention to it by BOLDING it. crawling back to my cave.

 

[BamaRider]

---

I agree, sex should not be discussed between couples dating.

Dang.

 

[Magicsilence]

Dang.

double dang,

if you don’t talk about this stuff while dating, when DO you talk about it?

when it’s too late…

 

[saieditor]

I am a virgin.

An admirable quality no doubt due your modesty.

My boyfriend knows and respects this, and would never pressure me into anything.

In the light of what follows below, you are making excuses for him. Don’t.

But he has recently made it known to me that he is very frustrated.

That is HIS problem. Interesting statement, mind you, what does it tell you about HIS values?

To the point where he doesn’t want to see me that often because if he kisses me he gets excited.

Sounds like he hasn’t got control of his senses, nor his mind. And he is putting the responsibility onto you to satisfy his desires. Is that all he wants from you? Is that behaviour and putting that demand on you indicate good character, integrity? What other demands will he put on you? What if he has bad character or NO character? Will you still associate with him?

Albert Einstein said:
":

You are known by your company.
Show me your company and I shall tell you who you are.

What can i do?

Values are guides to behaviour. What do your values tell you to do?

What can he do?

THAT has nothing to do with you. YOU have to make a decision about him and his putting it on you to satisfy his desires…

Is this a man of good character?
Answer the question for yourself.

 

[thomfra]

My wife was a 19 year old virgin when we met and up to the day we were married.

Were you not also a virgin on your wedding day?

 

[whatevergirl]

double dang,

if you don’t talk about this stuff while dating, when DO you talk about it?

when it’s too late…

Correction–a couple should not be talking about sex, other than to say…I’m not having sex with you, unless I marry you. End of story. If a guy or girl continuously brings up sex…as in, oh, wow, this is so difficult, i wish we could have sex, i know we can’t, but i wish we could…but i know you are saving yourself, but oh, wow, i wish we could…bla bla bla…

MOVE ON.

This is someone who really doesn’t respect your chastity, and wants to keep talking (you in) to something you don’t want to do. and shouldn’t do. I dated many guys when I was in college. Some were respectful of my virginity, others gave the talk I show above. And I moved on. A person, male or female, shouldn’t have to keep explaining or talking about sex when dating.

That’s what I meant to clarify.

And if a guy is incapable of being around his gf because he gets that frustrated…and tells her…I don’t think I can be around you, because I am frustrated…bla bla…then my response would be…ok, see you whenever. That is my point. Jellie’s bf should not be saying these things to her. I’d be like…ok, see you.

My husband and I talked about sex when we dated. He knew I was a virgin. He was not. He respected me, and it never came up again, until we were engaged. And we started talking about having kids, etc. But, my husband didn’t tell me…well, I can’t see you because I’m frustrated. He wouldn’t be my husband if he told me that. I think I would have taken that as trying to make me feel guilty or something. Not saying jellie you should feel this way, but just know, your bf should stop telling you these things, if he really respects your chastity.

 

[BamaRider]

Were you not also a virgin on your wedding day?

You wouldn’t put a guy on the spot would ya?

 

[Norseman82]

I am a virgin. My boyfriend knows and respects this, and would never pressure me into anything. But he has recently made it known to me that he is very frustrated. To the point where he doesn’t want to see me that often because if he kisses me he gets excited. What can i do? What can he do?

Forgive me if I missed this, but is your boyfriend also a virgin?

It almost sounds to me that your boyfriend is just being a gentleman and protecting both of you from occasions of sin.

Let me ask you: how is he Catholic “in name only”? Does he go to Mass when he is supposed to and frequent the sacraments he should? Also, can you see yourself married to him for the rest of your lives (which based on your ages could easily be 60-80 years)?

 

[Norseman82]

but that’s what I’d tell my little girl.

You have a single daughter???

 

[jellie89]

Forgive me if I missed this, but is your boyfriend also a virgin?

It almost sounds to me that your boyfriend is just being a gentleman and protecting both of you from occasions of sin.

Let me ask you: how is he Catholic “in name only”? Does he go to Mass when he is supposed to and frequent the sacraments he should? Also, can you see yourself married to him for the rest of your lives (which based on your ages could easily be 60-80 years)?

He is not a virgin. And I would say he’s catholic in name only. He doesn’t go to mass, and he’s not confirmed. He says he’s religious and close to God; idk what to think. Only God knows their true relationship. I try not to judge. God also only knows what our future holds

 

[vocatio]

double dang,

if you don’t talk about this stuff while dating, when DO you talk about it?

when it’s too late…

You see if we had less folks talking about sex and dating their natural anxieties would kick in and we wouldn’t have such a shortage of priests and religious. Maybe this is why many of the Saints are descrived to have suffered from so much anxiety.

 

[ack]

On another thread, you mentioned that he watches porn. Maybe you should advise him to stop watching porn, so he won’t feel as tempted when he’s around you. Watching porn makes it much harder to resist temptation.

Then you might not need to avoid time alone as much.

He is not a virgin. And I would say he’s catholic in name only. He doesn’t go to mass, and he’s not confirmed. He says he’s religious and close to God; idk what to think. Only God knows their true relationship. I try not to judge. God also only knows what our future holds

 

[TLM08]

I am a virgin. My boyfriend knows and respects this, and would never pressure me into anything. But he has recently made it known to me that he is very frustrated. To the point where he doesn’t want to see me that often because if he kisses me he gets excited. What can i do? What can he do?

Of course he’s frustrated. Our culture screams sex. Young men are expected these days by their peers and society to be “getting some”! Sex is one of the most powerful drives known to mankind. Sex when enjoyed in compliance with the desires of our creator is one of the most beautiful experiences we will ever have.

When we decide to do it “our own way” there is always trouble of one sort or another. Our society is truly not much more than a sewer of sin and filth. Christ willingly suffered a brutal death on the cross rather than have us burning in Hell for all eternity because sin in this world.

You’ll never regret preserving your virginity until the weddng night. Any guy that pressures you into “satisfying” him physically does not respect your values. The fact that you are still a virgin makes you very special in the eyes of God.

Back in the day before the automobile became more affordable and a commonly owned fom of transportation, “dating” didn’t exist!
There was a practice called “courtship”. You may have heard of it. Check into this idea of courtship and I can just about guarantee that you will see why it made so much sense. Courtship is the answer to his frustrations! In other words, hands off. Yea, it’s tough, but it is worth it. There will be lots of time for kissing…etc… etc…etc… after the wedding.


When a young unmarried couple starts having sex, it’s very easy to overlook some very critical personality traits of the other person. If he loves you, he will honor you and your values. STICK TO YOUR GUNS!