R
rfbradley
Guest
I am a former Protestant, now converting to the Church (awaiting anullment of my wife’s 1st marriage before I can be confirmed). I began to become convinced of the full truth of the Catholic faith only six months ago.
My wife is a non-Christian. She divorced her previous husband (she admits that she just decided she wasn’t attracted to him enough to remain faithful- he was Catholic and they got a special dispensation for marriage b/c she was never baptized).
I was a serious fornicator before marriage, and I rushed into the marriage when I got her pregnant out of wedlock, mostly “for the sake of the child.”
Our daughter just turned six years old (my daughter is the greatest blessing imaginable; God’s grace has partly worked though her presence in my life to lead me to the truth of the Catholic Church and away from my sinful life).
Although things have become relatively more peaceful for the most part, we have always had very different beliefs. We never have had a very stable relationship and have required much counseling, etc. I want to follow Christ in all things and don’t want to be a stumbling block for either my wife or my daughter. I want to raise our child in the Church, but my wife is somewhat antagonistic.
She becomes openly angry and often calls me “despicable, idiot” etc. in front of our child if I affirm that I hold certain beliefs to be “truth.” She says that for us to cohabitate, I have to remain entirely silent about opposing abortion, etc. My wife had an abortion herself prior to our marriage, and I think that adds to the anger at my claiming that it is evil (even though I admit to having been a worse sinner than her before and am not attacking her as a person).
Also, she now believes I am insane for starting to affirm the Church’s stance against contraception (even though I indicated that I can’t force her not to take the pill and won’t withhold sex etc. but would try to convince her of NFP if she would listen). She indicates that if I don’t become more “tolerant” she can’t support my going to Mass and trying to bring our daughter along. I rarely get her to come with me to Mass anyway b/c she won’t go without her mom insisting on my behalf, which rarely happens.
I don’t know how to proceed. Just today my wife found a pro-life pamphelet (fundraiser for helping women with unplanned preg) with my “Church literature” and became furious. After I told her I don’t believe in a “right” to choose abortion, she grabbed my daughter and went to a hotel. My wife thinks I am obsessed with the Catholic Church and have “lost it.” I don’t want to compromise my faith, but I also don’t want to unjustly be the reason for her or my daughter to falsely blame the Church for a broken marriage.
I honestly wonder if we are even in a valid marriage anyway (I probably shouldn’t think that way, but the thought torments me and I am confused about our relationship; she is very reluctant to go through with the anullment paperwork for her 1st marriage).
How sure can I be that I am not living in mortal sin if my wife won’t follow through on her anullment?
Even if her 1st marriage is anulled, how do I know if this one is valid (or should I even ask that question)?
How do I deal with her stance on contraception and against my speaking out on controversial faith issues?
I understand that these questions may be impossible to precisely answer due to the uncertainties inherent in our situation.
Please pray for us, and any prayerful advice would be deeply appreciated.
Thanks
My wife is a non-Christian. She divorced her previous husband (she admits that she just decided she wasn’t attracted to him enough to remain faithful- he was Catholic and they got a special dispensation for marriage b/c she was never baptized).
I was a serious fornicator before marriage, and I rushed into the marriage when I got her pregnant out of wedlock, mostly “for the sake of the child.”
Our daughter just turned six years old (my daughter is the greatest blessing imaginable; God’s grace has partly worked though her presence in my life to lead me to the truth of the Catholic Church and away from my sinful life).
Although things have become relatively more peaceful for the most part, we have always had very different beliefs. We never have had a very stable relationship and have required much counseling, etc. I want to follow Christ in all things and don’t want to be a stumbling block for either my wife or my daughter. I want to raise our child in the Church, but my wife is somewhat antagonistic.
She becomes openly angry and often calls me “despicable, idiot” etc. in front of our child if I affirm that I hold certain beliefs to be “truth.” She says that for us to cohabitate, I have to remain entirely silent about opposing abortion, etc. My wife had an abortion herself prior to our marriage, and I think that adds to the anger at my claiming that it is evil (even though I admit to having been a worse sinner than her before and am not attacking her as a person).
Also, she now believes I am insane for starting to affirm the Church’s stance against contraception (even though I indicated that I can’t force her not to take the pill and won’t withhold sex etc. but would try to convince her of NFP if she would listen). She indicates that if I don’t become more “tolerant” she can’t support my going to Mass and trying to bring our daughter along. I rarely get her to come with me to Mass anyway b/c she won’t go without her mom insisting on my behalf, which rarely happens.
I don’t know how to proceed. Just today my wife found a pro-life pamphelet (fundraiser for helping women with unplanned preg) with my “Church literature” and became furious. After I told her I don’t believe in a “right” to choose abortion, she grabbed my daughter and went to a hotel. My wife thinks I am obsessed with the Catholic Church and have “lost it.” I don’t want to compromise my faith, but I also don’t want to unjustly be the reason for her or my daughter to falsely blame the Church for a broken marriage.
I honestly wonder if we are even in a valid marriage anyway (I probably shouldn’t think that way, but the thought torments me and I am confused about our relationship; she is very reluctant to go through with the anullment paperwork for her 1st marriage).
How sure can I be that I am not living in mortal sin if my wife won’t follow through on her anullment?
Even if her 1st marriage is anulled, how do I know if this one is valid (or should I even ask that question)?
How do I deal with her stance on contraception and against my speaking out on controversial faith issues?
I understand that these questions may be impossible to precisely answer due to the uncertainties inherent in our situation.
Please pray for us, and any prayerful advice would be deeply appreciated.
Thanks
