My brother took his life last April. He shot himself. We have had problems with my dad always angry for years now. That might have caused my brother’s depression. We didn’t know he was depressed. But looking back the symptoms were there. He was so funny and silly we did not realize it. And he never told us. He gave up when he flunked out of college.
God gave us signs assuring us that he is safe (purgatory or heaven). I’m grateful for those but it still gets tough.
I struggle with bouts of depression and trauma. Getting angry with God, crying etc. I worry that I wasting the cross God gave me. How do I offer it up? How can I do that if keep complaining or telling God I want my brother back? I heard it’s healthy to be honest about our grief. How do balance offering it up with grieving, dealing with trauma etc?
I am also anxious about Christmas this year.
Grateful for advice and payers for all of us! God Bless!
:bighanky:
:hug1:
First off, I am
SO sorry for your loss! Dear God, the crosses some people carry! Now, it pretty much dwarfs any I’ve had.
You didn’t mention in your post as to whether you were receiving counseling or not. If you’re not, would you consider it? If you are, perhaps medication might take at least some of the “edge” off this, because that is a really heavy thing to carry.
One of my sisters lost her son in Afghanistan. She has also suffered something like you. I don’t know how she goes on some days. I can feel sorry for myself on occasion, but listening to the two of you makes me put my problems in perspective.
I got juvenile rheumatoid arthritis when I was 10 years old, and my mother gave me some really good advice that I have never forgotten (I’m 50 y.o., now). Because I thought it was so good, I will pass this on to you.
She told me to offer up my sufferings to God. At the time she said that, I wasn´t even sure what that even meant. Since then, I think I’ve come to learn more what it means.
To me, we are told that Christ, in his crucifixion, offered up his sufferings in atonement for the sins of many. Through his suffering, it atoned for, and saved, countless otherwise damned folks.
We believe that we have a similar ability, that we, too, can offer up our sufferings for some purpose…for the salvation of someone…atonement, or some other purpose.
What you could do, one example, would be to offer up all this suffering in atonement for sins of others.
I have found when I have done this, my suffering also is given a purpose. It stops feeling like it’s all for nothing or in vain. It begins to feel like there is a reason for it, and I can sometimes almost even begin to embrace the suffering more easily, as a result, because I can feel more in solidarity with others and even Christ, himself, who suffered so terribly for us all.
One way you could use your suffering towards a positive end would be to offer your suffering up for your son.
There are actually support groups for others who have been through what you have. Here’s an example of one.
afsp.org/coping-with-suicide-loss/find-support/find-a-support-group
I also know that Christmas will probably be harder on you, since the emphasis is family, being happy, and you are in mourning, feeling tremendous grief.
If you are not in counseling already, I hope you would consider it. If you are, I hope you would continue.
Anyway, God bless you!
