How Do I Open Door to my Wife's Heart to Avoid Divorce?

  • Thread starter Thread starter Mike_Bors
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Dear Mike,

In an answer to your question about opening a door to your wife’s heart, you can’t do it but the best news is that God can! See Luke 1:37. For NOTHING is impossible for God You can pray Scripture, God’s Word, and pray for Him to take your wife’s heart of stone and change it to a heart of flesh, see Ezekiel 11:19 I will give them an undivided heart and put a new spirit in them; I will remove from them their heart of stone and give them a heart of flesh.

Remember that God says He hates divorce, Malachi 2:16, it’s not His plan that spouses divorce each other.

Please check out the website below, it is all about how God heals hurting marriages and how to pray God’s Word for your marriage. It is a Christian marriage restoration and reconcilliation ministry and it is specifically for people who want their marriages restored even if the other spouse doesn’t want marriage restoration. It is all based on God’s Word and the Bible. I am Catholic and I love this group as I am also praying for my marriage to be restored too.

www.rejoiceministries.org

Praying for you to have the strength to stand in the gap for your wife and marriage. Please don’t listen to what the world says about this, listen to what God is telling you!

God bless,

Fishergirl20
 
I’m sorry Mike that you’re going through this.😦 First, I will say that I have been there…although, I initiated a separation with my husband a while back (maybe 8/9 years ago) We were separated for over a year, but my husband did something very interesting–he gave me a deadline. It is not fair for your wife to ask you to twist in the wind…if she wants a divorce, but hasn’t filed, and is just in limbo–then you should give it a deadline, if not to her, in your mind. It caused me to seek help for my own troubles, and my husband to improve as well…when we merged back together, it still took time, but ours was a case where a separation worked. I disagree very much with the poster(s) who said that ‘she’s already gone.’ Not so. I asked for a separation, and I came back! So, it can happen that way.

I will say though, I have always marveled that people tend to start doing those things that their spouses asked them to do, after the separation. Now, we’re only hearing your side of the story, and you sound very kind, but she has a story too. I remember my husband going out of his way to ‘court me again’ and tell me things that I hadn’t heard in a while–DURING our separation. I asked him–‘if you knew you needed to do these things, why did it take a separation to do it?’ I tell you this, because I just want you to know that it’s good that your making changes now, but if she comes back to you–make sure you keep doing those things. :o 😉

Anyways–I think that there is hope here. I pray your wife returns…and that your marriage is better than ever–Christ makes all things new…he made my marriage new, and I will say that we were on the brink of divorce…seriously. But, with God, all things are possible. But, set a mental deadline, because separations have ways of lingering on without limit, if we don’t set limits. Good luck to you!
 
Mike_Bors said:
I appreciate you all responding to my post. We all face problems, and I appreciate you taking time away from your own lives to help with mine. My wife and I are both very religious an trying to find our purpose in God–I really love this about her. She easily donates time and money. Going toward divorce is upsetting both of us. Her family believes that the light is on the other side of divorce. I believe that the Light of God is in our Holy Marriage. As for the details, one thing I’ll do is clean the house partly because my wife grew up in a house that was organized and that’s not my strong point. We both like to hike and do outdoor activities. I’ll try to see if we can meet at the zoo or some public place where she will not feel trapped, but where we can enjoy nature and perhaps talk a little about our feelings. She likes to talk about our feelings, but only if I truly listen to her. She has a hard time initiating a conversation on her thoughts and feelings because she grew up in a household where it was not acceptable to argue (her parents divorced when she moved out of the house and her first Dad died of cancer when she was a young girl). Also, she assumes a lot that her feelings will start arguments. My family argues and jokes sarcastically a lot. If I start in on an issue, it’s easy for me to take on my family’s debating stance. This hurts her on two fronts. One, she never has an opportunity to express her feelings (because its hard for her to get started down that path) and two, I am breaking a pattern of no arguments which she identifies as normal. At the beginning of our separation, we were using Marriage Encounter “love letter” techniques to discuss our feelings. This worked. We had one argument about her not wanting to work on the marriage and about money. After this, she headed for the divorce lawyer. She’s out of town until next Thursday. So, I have some time this week to figure out how to set up a low pressure date. I am also praying using the Rosary of my Mom who passed away a long while ago (I just recently found the Rosary). If there are any ideas on good themes or ways of praying the Rosary, please let me know.

Sincerely,

Mike
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Prayer And Then More Prayer Is The Best For Any Situation.

If It Is Possible For You To Pray With Your Wife, This Would Be Very Good, As The Old Saying “the Family Who Prays Together Stays Together”, May Work Out To Be True!

Just Hang In There, As God Usually Works In His Time, Which Is Not ‘quickly’ Enough For Humans!!

God Bless You.
 
These words are very true by another writer:

"… set a mental deadline, because separations have ways of lingering on without limit, if we don’t set limits. Good luck to you! "

I SHOULD KNOW, AS MY HUSBAND LEFT ME 15 YEARS AGO, DOES NOT TELL HIS CO-WORKERS THAT WE ARE SEPARATED, JOKES THAT WE HAVE TWO HOUSES, BUT DOES NOT MAKE A MOVE ABOUT GETTING BACK TOGETHER! If I suggest anything, (e.g. Retroville) his words are, “Aren’t you happy the way we are?” OBVIOUSLY HE IS!

Anyway, that is another story, but I would listen to the advice of ‘setting limits’. ALSO, PRAY MORNING, NOON AND NIGHT. BUT ALSO PRAY THAT YOU DO NOT GET OBSESSED WITH THIS SUBJECT - PRAY AND LEAVE IT TO GOD TO WORK OUT FOR YOU. I know this is easier said than done… but KEEP trying.
 
averil said:
These words are very true by another writer:

"… set a mental deadline, because separations have ways of lingering on without limit, if we don’t set limits. Good luck to you! "

I SHOULD KNOW, AS MY HUSBAND LEFT ME 15 YEARS AGO, DOES NOT TELL HIS CO-WORKERS THAT WE ARE SEPARATED, JOKES THAT WE HAVE TWO HOUSES, BUT DOES NOT MAKE A MOVE ABOUT GETTING BACK TOGETHER! If I suggest anything, (e.g. Retroville) his words are, “Aren’t you happy the way we are?” OBVIOUSLY HE IS!

Anyway, that is another story, but I would listen to the advice of ‘setting limits’. ALSO, PRAY MORNING, NOON AND NIGHT. BUT ALSO PRAY THAT YOU DO NOT GET OBSESSED WITH THIS SUBJECT - PRAY AND LEAVE IT TO GOD TO WORK OUT FOR YOU. I know this is easier said than done… but KEEP trying.
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Averil makes the point about not becoming too obsessed. As I mentioned in one of my earlier posts, your emotions will be as contradictory as some ot the advice on this thread—at least mine were. There was a point in which the words from Jeremiah “Do not pray for them, I will not listen” meant I was not to pray for my husband. Instead, I needed to reach out to others and pray for them lest I sink into self-pity. I could even then feel the prayers of others as they prayed for me.
This in no way means to give up. Just be aware that you may need to let go for awhile. My prayer now comes at the beginning of the rosary as “I consecrate [by name] the members of my family to the Immaculate Heart of Mary.”
 
Yes, The Idea Of Praying For Others Is Fantastic. I Too Find That It Is Very Good, As There Are Many People Who Are Worse Off Than Us.

“counting Our Blessings” Frequently Is Another Very Good Practice As This Too Stops Us From Feeling Sorry For Ourselves.
 
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