How Do I Say No to a Priest

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Conor7

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I’m in a bit of a quandary and I need some advice.

About nine months ago I was asked by my priest to be the crucifer, and readily agreed and was pleased to help.

Flash forward to the present: I hate it. Church used to be so spiritual when I was a pew dweller, and now it feels like a job. I get nothing out of attending mass anymore. How do I say no?

I feel like disappointing a priest is right up there with spitting on your mother.
 
Conor7 said:
I’m in a bit of a quandary and I need some advice.

About nine months ago I was asked by my priest to be the crucifer, and readily agreed and was pleased to help.

Flash forward to the present: I hate it. Church used to be so spiritual when I was a pew dweller, and now it feels like a job. I get nothing out of attending mass anymore. How do I say no?

I feel like disappointing a priest is right up there with spitting on your mother.
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Clergy feel like this sometimes, probably a lot more than we realize. I’ll bet there are times when most priests wish they could take a retreat and recharge, but can’t. That’s what you need, a vacation.

He will probably understand exactly how you feel. And you probably now understand something about how much he appreciates your efforts, all for the glory of God.

Just tell him, like you told us, and if possible (depending on a lot of things, like the size of the congregation) suggest that the responsibility rotate. For many people, once the ‘pressure’ is off much of the joy returns and the eagerness to participate comes back.

It is a sacrifice, but your priest will not want this to harden you or interfere with your spiritual growth, you need to find a balance and he will probably agree.
 
I appreciate your spirit of stewardship and I hope that the priest does too. Many people would outright refuse to help in this way.

I can understand how you feel, though I feel the opposite. I feel very disconnected from the liturgy if I am not serving in a ministry. Sometimes I am told that the choir is on break and my services are not needed. I get awfully restless sitting in the pew.

Perhaps you can find another opportunity for service outside the liturgy. Your priest could help you think of how to offer your time and talent to the church. Have you considered Knights of Columbus or St. Vincent de Paul?
 
I think the crucifer has a relatively easy job to do. Just schlep the cross in and out and at the Gospel processional if your parrish does that.

I don’t know how many servers you have, in big parishes there are a lot servers and they take turns on diffferent Sundays. and rotate their roles as to crucifer,torchbearers etc.

I was Episcopal in the old days in a tiny mission and I ahd to do everything every week, it does get tiresome then.

Why not ask your Rector for a sabbatical, or rotate other servers. I’m sure he will be understanding.
 
Sam_777 said:
And what exactly you are expecting to get :confused:.
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That was my question…you don’t feel “spiritual”? Worship and service go hand in hand…it’s easy to sit in a pew and recite the words, make the gestures and appropriate postures…almost by rote…but one must pay attention to what one is doing when they are in front of a crowd…perhaps more so than simply as an “observer/participant” from the audience.

If you feel your position is hurting your relationship with God…then by all means resign…allow someone else the opportunity to serve the congregation.🤷

If your service to the congregation is “work” and not ministry…perhaps just telling your pastor "No thank you’ would be the best…serving with “anger” is never good…if you can’t serve with “joy”…
 
Elizium23 said:
Perhaps you can find another opportunity for service outside the liturgy. Your priest could help you think of how to offer your time and talent to the church. Have you considered Knights of Columbus or St. Vincent de Paul?
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Ummm…he’s not Catholic?
 
Conor7 said:
I’m in a bit of a quandary and I need some advice.

About nine months ago I was asked by my priest to be the crucifer, and readily agreed and was pleased to help.

Flash forward to the present: I hate it. Church used to be so spiritual when I was a pew dweller, and now it feels like a job. I get nothing out of attending mass anymore. How do I say no?

I feel like disappointing a priest is right up there with spitting on your mother.
Click to expand...
It is a good idea in my opinion for volunteer duties to rotate. Helps prevent burn out, and is better for the organization in the long run.
 
Tell the truth to the priest.
Tell him what you told us.
His first concern should be for the spiritual life of his parishioners.
Or just tell him you would like a break from it.
He asked you.
Now he can ask another person.
There is nothing wrong with that.
 
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